Saturday, September 17, 2005
GOOD OL' BARBIE
FROM THE PETE DOHERTY TRAINWRECK DESK:
Hmmm...and this is CNN. I told you the story was going to blow up bigger. Although to be honest I thought it was going to be something Pete did rather than Kate. But there's still plenty of time for more trainwreckin'.
This was in the email inbox:
Mattel Inc. Announces the Release Today of Models of Limited Edition Barbie Dolls for the North Carolina Market:
Wake Forest Barbie: This princess Barbie is only sold at Hecht's. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus, a lapdog and a cookie cutter house. Options include tummy tuck, face-lift, greenhouse and a workaholic Ken.
Cary Barbie: This trendy homemaker Barbie is available with the Lexus SUV or Chrysler minivan, gets lost easily, and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately. Optional matching gym outfit. Choose from Mormon or Catholic.
Lumberton Barbie: This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9 mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a low-rider Chevrolet with oversized wheels, tinted windows and a Meth Lab Ken.
Chapel Hill Barbie: This yuppie Barbie comes with choice of a BMW sportscar or a souped up Hummer 2, Starbucks cup, credit card and shallow Ken.
Fayetteville Barbie: This white-trash model comes in Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, big hair, a six pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and she can kick Ken's ass when she's drunk. A pickup is available with Confederate flag bumper stickers.
Goldsboro Barbie: This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie still has not learned that you can't wear high-heeled sandals from Payless with no pedicure and without breaking a heel and falling while you chase your beer-gutted, hollow gold-chain-wearing boyfriend. Her make-up is dark red lip liner with lips covered in a sparkly pink color or no fill-in at all. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans with assorted colored G-strings that stick out the back of her jeans, a white barely there see-through shirt. Her long, layered hair is bleached/highlighted and BIG. Accessories include: CD player equipped with Bon Jovi; rusty old Ford pickup.
Raleigh Barbie: This True Blonde shops exclusively in Saks Fifth Avenue.She drives her Land Rover (sold separately). She has an MBA from Duke but has never worked outside the home. Her child stroller is bigger than your house and her tennis trophies are discreetly hidden behind CEO Ken's golf trophies. She knows enough Spanish to talk with the nanny; Tagalog to speak to the cook; and Chinese, Vietnamese and Korean, to talk with the gardener, house painter, and housekeeper respectively. She is a lifelong member of the Junior League and her home is featured in Architectural Digest. ("Barbie" also goes by the name "Judy"....LOLOLOL!)
They are working on developing a "Durham Barbie", but she keeps getting shot.
Posted by email@example.com @ 3:07 PM