I would have ruled this world too, if it weren't for you meddling kids!
Thursday, July 27, 2006


Last Saturday morning, I woke up and was just kind of dozing in bed, thinking and stuff. There is almost always a song in my head at all times, and on that morning a really strange obscure one popped up. It was "Saturday Night" by the Bay City Rollers. I'm guessing this song was released when I was about 10 or 11 years old. I lay there humming the song, trying to remember all the lyrics, while thinking about their ridiculous haircuts and those gay plaid stage clothes they always wore.

And then....I forgot all about it. And got on with my day.

Fast forward to that evening, which is when we went to the Butch Walker concert at Moore Square Park. It was between sets...Dillon Fence was done and the roadies were setting up for Butch and random tunes were blasting away over the PA. And suddenly...."Saturday Night" by the Bay City Rollers plays! I couldn't believe it, what a random song to have as a coincidence. I'm in the middle of a huge crowd but I'm deep inside of myself, listening to that song. I had the words right. I even had that strangely plunky bass line right. It was so weird to hear it after all these years, and the memories that the song evoked flooded over me.

And then all of a sudden I was hit by IT. IT has been happening a lot the past six months. IT is a combination of happiness, nostalgia and melancholia. I was in a crowd of drunk happy people, getting ready to do one of my most favorite things (JAM THE HELL OUT), and suddenly there is my soul - tugging at my sleeve, whispering to me, reminding me of how much fun I've had in my life....how much fun I'm having right this minute....to open my eyes and heart and take it all in...to enjoy my time...and not take it for granted.

I'm positive I'm not depressed. Its just a feeling and I can't shake it off. I feel like my mind.....is preparing me for something. I've started to wonder if my time on Earth is coming to an end soon and its time to prepare for the Spirit World.

I've had some other "visions" that are too long to go through. Most people don't believe in all that shit anyway. Maybe I'm just having a strange version of a mid-life crisis? I thought a mid-life crisis was that I was supposed to get really horny and try to have sex with young lifeguards? I want my rock-hard lifeguard daydreams, dammit! Leave it to me to start visualizing an early grave.

Do you think this is normal? Do other actual humans experience this?

Wednesday, July 26, 2006


As many of you know, I am a betta freak and I usually have 5 to 6 of them at any given time. But one of the extra special ones has passed away.

Work Fishie died.

Here he is jamming on the headphones. He listened to a lot of bands, but I have to say he seemed happiest when listening to Mae's "Beautiful Destination". He loved his music. When I would put the headphones on the bowl he would get all excited, his colors would deepen, and he would start working on his bubbles. He was quite possibly the only fish in America who was jamming to an iPod on a daily basis.

Also, I had gotten him trained to come to me when I would put my finger on his bowl. Of course, he realized that to nudge at my finger on the glass usually meant a treat.

When I would arrive at work and turn my lamp on, he would go insane because he knew it was feeding time. When the lamp when off in the evenings, he would come to the front glass and sway gently, telling me good-bye.

I don't know what was wrong with him....he didn't look diseased. I guess it was just one of those things. But I want to take a moment and pay tribute to a one-of-a-kind Fishie. I was honored for him to be my pet. I love you Fishie, maybe our paths will meet again in the Spirit World.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006


My Room by Brenda Love

My room is the biggest bedroom. This means my daughter has an extra place for her junk. It has ugly carpet. My room gets dusty quicker than any other room in the house. And we live on a dirt road so that's saying a lot. My room is the hottest room in the house. Not quite sure why that is. When its 80 degrees outside, it is 95 degrees in my room. Likewise, in the fall, my room temperature drops so fast that my contacts freeze on my eyes. Well not really but it could possibly happen. It gets so cold that when it snows, all the snow on the roof melts except for a perfect square over my room. And that is the truth. My room has special "drafts" that I am convinced can only be the result of paranormal activity. My room has two small spitballs on the ceiling that my sister and I blew through straws 30+ years ago. I cannot bring myself to pry the spitballs off, I just keep painting over them to preserve them for future generations. My room does not have a door because my ex-boyfriend accidentally broke the doorknob while the door was closed and instead of taking the hinges off like any normal person would do, he broke the door down instead. What a dumbass. I cannot seem to muster the testicular fortitude its going to take to march down to Home Depot and get myself a new bedroom door. I figure it will happen one day. You can't rush these things.

But I love my room. When its not 100 degrees outside, I like to go in there and turn the fan on and dive under the blankets and read and draw. I like to go in my room and throw temper tantrums and think about things. It is my refuge from the world. The End.

Sunday, July 23, 2006


Tonight (well, really last night by now), Butch Walker came back to town. We had a blast and Butch had an extremely large crowd eating out of the palm of his hand, as usual. Sparkle and I got to meet him, it was very cool. You couldn't ask to meet a nicer, more polite rocker. Well, here's a few pics....with more to come tomorrow, as I am really tired, my eyeballs hurt, and I'm feeling menstrual. Watch out!

Butch Walker and the Let's Go Out Tonights rockin' the casbah

Butch jumped out in the audience like he always does, but there was SECURITY GUYS at this place and they almost had a cow when he did it. I was laughing my ass off at them! We wanted to pat them on the back and say "take it easy, dudes, he knows what he's doing."

Awwwww......Sparkle loves him so much and she got to tell him tonight. Nicest. dude. ever. Thanks for a great evening, Butch and being so cool. And for making my little girl's dreams come true.

Friday, July 21, 2006


I never, ever click ads. Every time I did it, I got in trouble. The computer would slow down or porn ads would suddenly start appearing or WHATEVER. It just has never been worth it. However, this one was very, very tempting to participate in:

They almost got me that time!

Here is a picture Hope sent to me on the email depicting a child's last day on Earth:

I'd say "last day" is just about right. I think I would have had a nervous breakdown if Sparkle had ever accomplished something of this magnitude. It looks like the baby isn't too happy with his mouthful of white paint also!

Thursday, July 20, 2006


Here are some meme-type things I found that I wanted to do. I got this one from JOY DIVISION'S gossip blog.

You Are 60% Lady
You're part lady, part modern woman.Etiquette is important to you, but you brush aside rules that are outdated or silly.
Are You A Lady?

Here's a meme based on one Sparkle recommended. Who knows where she got it?


1. I color my hair.

2. I hate commercials with geckos and other computer-generated cutsie animals.

3. I do, however, love animals.

4. I basically hate TV and I basically haven't watched it since I was like 16 years old except for a few selected shows.

5. I never watched one episode of "The Dukes of Hazzard"....never once.

6. I think Angelina Jolie is hotter than Jennifer Aniston. I think Christina is way hotter than Britney. But I never understood why Biggie liked Lil' Kim more than Faith Evans. These things are important.

7. I have great teeth but I have had extensive dental work as far as fillings go. I could probably pick up Mexican radio if I could just rig up a few wires....

8. The good thing is if I die they will be able to identify me easily from dental records. I can hear the pathologist now....."GOOD GOD!" I definitely qualify as a "metal head".....in more ways than one!

9. I am deathly afraid of heights. I have a problem with attics, fer heaven's sake.

10. Bones I have broken: Right arm. Left ankle. One of my toes. I'm pretty sure my nose was broken when I was kid but I never had that one confirmed.

11. My worst break was my ankle. I broke my entire foot off from my leg bone. My foot was hanging by skin. It happened at a Pearl Jam concert. I still have a metal rod and screws in the bones.

12. My daughter and I consider ourselves to be closeted Goths. We are totally fascinated with them but we can't shop as much as they do.

13. I am a championship speller. Any mistakes you ever see on my blog are typos, deliberate and/or lack of proof-reading. Although now that I am getting older I find myself having to look up words more often.

14. I am an Avon Lady.

15. Once when my mother's radiator burst, I patched it by chewing up a big wad of Bubble Yum and pasting it over the hole. It held for two years. I highly recommend Bubble Yum to repair things.

16. I won a Halloween costume contest once when my sister made me up to look like Stevie Nicks. I also won years later when a friend and I went as a washing machine and dryer.

17. Once I let my aunt cut my hair and it turned out to look something like Rod Stewart. It was very gay and I cried a lot. I also had the Leather Tuscadero look at one time. I also had the Prince asymmetric cut. I hope my bad hair days are over forever.

18. I have never been in love. I thought I was in love but it didn't last....so it couldn't have really been love, right?

19. I used to review Cat's Cradle shows for a 'zine called Indie File.

20. I still have hope that Pete Doherty can be rehabilitated.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006


When I was in my late twenties, I decided I was going to sunbathe in the back yard on a really hot day. I put on my bathing suit, marched outside and cooked my skin for awhile. It got hot. It got really really hot quickly. I started feeling funny. My energy level dipped suddenly. I got myself back into the house, where I collapsed on the floor at the back door. I never lost consciousness, it was just like I couldn't move. The air conditioner was on and my husband brought me some water and offered to help me up, but I told him to just let me lay there for awhile. Finally I was able to get myself up off the floor, get myself cleaned up and collapsed into bed and slept for hours.

I'm not sure if I had a sunstroke that day or what, but ever since then I cannot tolerate heat. 70 degrees is wonderful. 80 degrees is a beautiful thing. 90 degrees and I'm starting to bitch a little bit. 95+ and I really just don't feel well at all. My head starts to feel heavy all the time and I have absolutely no energy. If I have to be in the heat for a period of time I can literally start to feel sick. So I stay in the house all the time and I'm miserable. The months of July and August are when I experience my very own brand of Seasonal Affective Disorder.

I wish I had just stayed indoors on that day when I did the sunbathing. Maybe I wouldn't react to heat so bad. Sunbathing = bad.

Monday, July 17, 2006


Renn had this link over at her COOL BLOG (go visit, she's a good writer) where you can make your own little avatar thingie to look just like yourself. So I went right over there to see what I could do about making me! Its a simple thing to create one but for the life of me I couldn't figure out how to make a face and hair. So I just dumped a pumpkin on my head:

Actually I kind of like it and it did end up looking just like me. And since Halloween is my all-time favorite holiday, it works!

There has been so many changes here in the past few weeks. The biggest changes are that Sparkle got her license and that Sparkle and Bitchard broke up. That's right....this is their 14th breakup...but I have a funny feeling this time it is for real. You would think I would be happy and joyous but I actually feel bad for him. I guess because I know how it feels to get your heart broken. Its not a good feeling.

So when Sparkle got her license, she dropped me off at Conglomo. I stood there on the plaza watching her drive away...and it was the funniest feeling. It was like pride, panic, love and an overwhelming desire to protect rushing in on me all at once. I had to give up some control at that moment and it was hard! However, I made myself feel better by calling her cell phone every 2 hours just to "check in". She was like "MOM! STOP CALLING!" but as I told her, this is all new to me too and she's just going to have to put up with me for awhile till I get used to things.

Friday, July 14, 2006


Does anyone remember awhile back when I said that my readership numbers were dwindling fast? They were sinking quicker than bad stock on Wall Street. I hardly ever pay attention to Site Meter anymore. The other day I went to Site Meter for the hell of it and my numbers have exploded! Well, for a lowly blog of my caliber, anyway. I went through my stats and I can't determine any pattern to the madness...and nobody new has linked to me that I know about. I haven't paid any visits to BLOG EXPLOSION or MICHELE'S or anything. My blog hits have more than doubled though. So what happened? I think its just an Internet Thang.

Also, have you noticed that you are getting more spam mail in your mailbox lately? This has been going on for about 6 weeks or so. Gmail is excellent about filtering out the spam but the spammers have found a new way to get through, I guess. Who are all these spammers and do they really make money from spamming? I guess all those people that used to send money to Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker needed a new cause to throw their money away on.

Finally, this has nothing to do with the internet...but I was just wondering. Have you ever put your laundry into the dryer and set it to dry for what you thought was a well reasonable time amount.....and then promptly forgot about the whole darn load? And its like, your laundry got pretty dry but maybe there was a bit of dampness that was left? And when you finally remember the load (5 days later) and go to retrieve it, your laundry smells like a passel of possum carcasses?

I was just wondering...because nothing like that has ever happened to me.

If I haven't been to your blog....beware! I am planning some major blog swooping this weekend!

Thursday, July 13, 2006


Once again, I really REALLY need to know what you think.

Okay, let's assume that you have health insurance and have had it for many years. Your health insurance company really doesn't care about you as an individual, although they do send out informational stuff with exercise tips and low-fat recipes and such. No problem.

But suddenly, your health insurance company REALLY CARES! They want you to schedule a health screening examination with one of their doctors so they can identify your health risks. All you have to do is show up and they will weigh you, measure your waistline, and take your blood pressure. Oh yeah....and one small other thing.

They want a blood sample.

They say its to measure glucose in your blood to determine if you are at risk for diabetes. And oh yeah, by participating you will receive a nice fat chunk of change towards your health insurance costs for next year. And oh yeah, when you are done with your exam, you have to sign an agreement giving the health insurance company full custoday of all results.

Did I mention they want a blood sample?

Now I know all you stoners out there are like "OMG"!!! but that's not the issue at all. I am a Court TV junkie and all I know is that I would be turning over a sample of my DNA to my insurance company....along with full permission to do whatever they want with it.

It ain't gonna happen.

One example of a ramification: suppose I'm genetically predisposed to....let's say....kidney disease. And they've found a way to determine by my DNA that at some point in the future, I'm going to probably develop kidney disease. What do you think an insurance company is going to do? For more examples of things that are bothering me, click HERE

Why is the insurance company waving a monetary carrot in front of our noses to get this examination done?

You know what? I'll pay the extra premium myself. Nobody gets a piece of my body except the one I love and my doctor. Its none of the insurance company's goddamn business.

How do you feel about this issue? What would you do?

Wednesday, July 12, 2006


98% of the meetings I attend at Conglomo are unnecessary meetings. And today was the Mother of All Unnecessary Meetings. A solid two-and-a-half hours of absolutely nothing I needed to know. Here's how it went:

I sat quietly and attentively for about....oh....10 minutes. Then it starts. First I slide my foot in and out of my shoe. Then I re-shoe myself and start swinging my foot. Before long my feet are crossed at the ankles and I'm swinging my legs back and forth like a little kid. Then it hits me how utterly ridiculous I must look, so I stop. I sneak a glance around the room and notice that no one else seems to be having attention span problems. I straighten up and resume a professional stance. But before I know it, my foot is sliding in and out of my shoe again; repeat.

And then IT happens. My ass....it goes numb. There's nothing worse than Numb Ass - and there's no cure except getting off of your ass. But I might miss some unnecessary information if I do that! So I start trying to cope. First I slide forward in the chair to relieve ass pressure. It works for say, 2 minutes. So I slide back in the chair to apply pressure to my ass from a different direction.

Then I start leg crossing. Cross 'em, uncross 'em, cross 'em again. This lets your ass deal with pressure on a cheek to cheek basis. My tailbone is quickly becoming a numb/painful/hopeless situation...it won't be long before its beyond redemption.

Meanwhile, my mouth has gone dry and I'm worried I might have residual coffee breath. And good Lord, did someone pass gas? A smell keeps wafting by. What if everyone thinks I did it? Paranoia begins to set in. Then finally, Misery arrives. I begin to believe its truly never going to end. My body is numb and achy. My mind is filled with paranoia, disgust, and oh yeah! Lots of useless information. I'm totally exhausted and I haven't done a damned thing. The meeting ends and I shuffle out to my car a bit unsteadily as I'm not sure blood flow has resumed to my ass. Its all I can do to get myself home and pass out on the couch.

2 1/2 hours of my life is gone and I can never get it back. The older I get, the more I resent my time being wasted. I've only got just so much time left, ya know?

Tuesday, July 11, 2006


Zsa Zsa Gabor.....an actress I remember from my early childhood for no particular reason whatsoever. But THAT NAME! Who in the hell invented that name???? Just say her name to yourself...."Zsa Zsa". Then just narrow it down to one "Zsa". Then isolate that particular sound before the "ah" sound at the end. Say it over and over to yourself. In fact, walk around town all day making that sound and revel in the worried stares you will receive. Can anyone out there identify that sound and convert it into a pronunciation? For instance, you could say it is pronounced "Shah"....but that would be incorrect, wouldn't it? That's NOT how it is pronounced. The closest I can get is "schua" but that's not right either. Somehow there is a "soft J" and a "Z" mixed in there too. So that puts us with "jzsczhua"....which....sounds like something the aliens will greet us with when they finally land. Once again, WHO INVENTED THIS NAME? WHO INVENTED THAT SOUND? And why do stupid things like this get lodged in my head until I think I am going insane?

Saturday, July 08, 2006


I do hereby interrupt this weekend to let you guys know that "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest" is soooooo good! So good I'm not going to tell you one darned thing about it.....go see it!! I am going to go again this weekend, probably Sunday.

It is Johnny Depp's world, we all just happen to live in it. Take that, Tom Cruise!



Its Johnny Depp Day! Happy Johnny Depp Day to everyone everywhere!! You can bet your bottom dollar that I will be going to see Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest this weekend....if not tonight!!!

I shall start off the day by eating this nasty cereal that comes in a most beautiful box!

How oh how will I ever be able to get any work done today?

Don't even bother to write to me telling me that the movie is going to suck. I will NOT believe you!

Thursday, July 06, 2006


I received the following email today. I believe it just about covers everything.....

"I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I can live a better life now because he's told us how to fix everything.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

Oh, and don't forget this one either! I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...

Have a wonderful day...."

Wednesday, July 05, 2006


I loved my four days off! I got a LOT of housework done. I tackled a project that I knew was going to take me awhile...my room! It was a national disaster area. I knew it was going to take awhile to clean it the way I wanted it cleaned...and when was I ever going to have time? This four day weekend was perfect! Every single thing was taken out of my room and I cleaned the walls, the baseboards, the carpet, all the furniture...even underneath!...and I got rid of bags and bags of crap that I had accumulated. Project Complete. YES!!!!

It was a great time for housework because the weather has just been awful. It is hot and muggy....muggy beyond all mugginess. I can't be out in it for long before I am a sweaty mess. My hair is thick and it starts getting wet at the roots within a few minutes of being outside. Just while loading bags of stuff in my car, I got damp hair. I can't stand it. And of course nobody wants a case of Southern Swamp Ass. Its definitely Swamp Ass Weather.

If you live in the South, you already know what I'm talking about. I daresay a lot of you non-Southerners know a thing or two about Swamp Ass yourselves. Its when you have to be outdoors in July or August for any length of time. You get wet, everywhere. You feel like stopping off by the Fire Department and asking them if they'll hose you down. It is a bad experience, but the worst is what is going on down there in your drawers. Its one great big swamp of sweat-soaked cotton and you just want to die because you're so uncomfortable. I ain't getting next to anyone until I've had a long shower.....and you ain't getting next to me till you've gotten next to some soap yourself!

So for now I am an Indoors Woman and proud of it.

Monday, July 03, 2006


The Llama Porn trailer has been released! And you get it here first!

If this work of cinematic art is ever going to be released, I'd suggest you send Sparkle a personal plea in the comments section. Apparently its the only thing that is going to get her motivated.