I would have ruled this world too, if it weren't for you meddling kids!
Monday, January 31, 2005


"Hi, welcome to Planet Brenda, I'm Casey Kasem. Tonight we'll be having Dedications and a stroll down memory lane for all of those out there that love the music. This one goes out to everyone out there, wherever you are, who are in your cars on this Saturday night, cruising and feeling the beat"......

"Baby, let's cruise away from here.......Don't be confused, the way is clear........And if you want it you got it forever......This is not a one night stand, babe, yeah"......

"Let's get the beat going a little faster.....or as they say in this day and time....get the party started!"

"Yeah, they were dancin'...... and singin'.........And movin' to the groovin'........And just when....it hit me.....Somebody turned around and shouted Play that funky music, white boy! Lay down that boogie and play that funky music till you die!"

"Here's a special dedication to Greg over at http://hastyruminations.blogspot.com/ , who was quoting lyrics from this song on Planet Brenda merely DAYS ago.....

"Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight......Gonna grab some afternoon delight. My motto's always been; when it's right, it's right.......Why wait until the middle of a cold dark night"

This next song goes out to all the little girls that always wanted to righteously jam out....by two girls who USED to righteously jam out........

So this ain't the end - I saw you agaaaaaaaaain...... today........I Had to turn my heart away..........

Next is a long-distance dedication from the mailbag:
Dear Casey:
Me and my boyfriend got together, then we broke up, but we got back together, then we broke up again, but we finally got back together.....only to break up. And now, Casey, I don't know where he is. But I will always travel the long and winding roads looking for him. Please dedicate this song to my long lost Bubba. Love, Lulu

The wild and windy night....That the rain washed away......Has left a pool of tears......Crying for the day.....Why leave me standing here.....Let me know the way!

Next comes a DOUBLE dedication for Christina over at http://www.wherepigsfly.blogspot.com/ - a two-fer guaranteed to rock her to the bone!

(Ahem, notice the pink vinyl!)

"I been walking the streets at night......just tryin' to get it right.....Hard to see with so many around.......you know I don't like being stuck in the crowd."

Time for the Golden Oldie of the Day.......

"It’s just a little street.....Where old friends meet........And treat you in the same old way."

This next dedication is for Kyle at http://www.tarwire.blogspot.com/ ......a little Mark Lanegan on the green vinyl.....

"Something has badly gone wrong with me.......Livin's not hard, it's just not easy"

Next up is the debut record recorded by a coal miner's daughter when she was about 24 years old. Could this possibly be one of the very records Loretta and Doo pimped all over the South in 1959/1960?

"Ever since you left me I've done nothing but wrong......many nights I've laid awake and cried"....

This next dedication is to all the men out there, they always love to hear this one....

"And I need you more than want you.....and I want you for all time......And the Wichita Lineman....is still on the liiiiiiiiine"......

And while we're in depression mode:

[I don't remember the lyrics to this one....but I bet I could probably make a good guess!]

Next is a dedication to all those actors that want to have hit records:

[It don't usually work out, baby]

If the parents are away....this is a hard rockin' one to play....

"Now you're messin' with a son-of-a bitch!"

For all those one hundred million Elvis fans out there.....

"She's not you.....my beautiful....big ol' fluffy biscuit"......

And for the final dedication of the evening:

To all the people down at the 7-11 and the Strange Things that happen to them.....crack addiction, drive-by shootings, prostitution.......

Sunday, January 30, 2005


It never fails. Sparkle and I get into the Ghetto Car every morning at 7:00 to begin our day. We are still half-dead with sleep. I turn the ignition and we get our eardrums blasted out by whatever I had in the CD player the day before. We both jump, I lunge for the volume button and Sparkle says accusingly "Mom, you've got a jamming problem!" And I do.

How does someone go about creating an insatiable music monster? It helps if you have a busy Mom like mine was....she had laundry and cooking and God only knows what else to do....she didn't have time to entertain a rowdy baby. And it didn't take too long before she found something that would keep me quiet.

Get out the old portable record player, stack 6 records, make me promise not to touch and she could get at least 25 to 30 minutes of something else done. I couldn't have been more fascinated than if poop had suddenly sprouted wings. Here's kind of sort of what the record player looked like....this is a reproduction and the color is wrong but basically.....

It was pretty damned old and it definitely had the suitcase look going on. I don't remember dancing, I don't remember singing, I just remember watching those records go round and round and listening to every drop of sound that came out of those shitty speakers. I can remember being afraid of "Judy in Disguise" by John Fred and His Playboy Band because it had this awful wicked sounding guitar in it and something about it scared me. I hear that song now and that guitar part kicks ass!

It didn't take long for the Suitcase Jams to bite the dust though and I remember being devastated. When your toys broke back then, new ones didn't just come along to take their place. I thought I'd never hear my records again, only the radio. Apparently I got pretty upset because it didn't seem like it was too long before something like this showed up at the house:

God, I'm pretty sure this almost the actual model I had. Its very damn close. Obviously somebody felt sorry for my parents because I wouldn't shut up, so they donated their old one. So then I had my VERY OWN RECORD PLAYER....in my VERY OWN ROOM. Holy shit, it still blows me away to look back. I took care of it religiously too and it lasted me from about age 3 or 4 until about age 8. You respected my Jam System or you didn't get invited back and we weren't friends anymore. I played my very first Rolling Stones record on there. I played Grand Funk Railroad on there. The Osmonds, even. Intersparsed with some Snow White, of course.

What scares you as a baby can actually rock your world later on!

This one was always a crowd pleaser when my friends were around.

My very first Rolling Stones record. Please note that the vinyl is....white. This is because the record truly does not possess any more grooves. Also please notice where the vinyl buckles up on the middle right of the picture. This is due to the record becoming so thin its like an onion skin. In other words....this could possibly be THE most-played record in America. I wish these things came with odometers, because I'm sure it would equal to London and back again....and again!

[Casey Kasem speaks]: "Coming up tomorrow......Dedications. And a stroll....down memory lane!"

Saturday, January 29, 2005


Sparkle, Bitchard and I hit Blockbuster this evening and rented a few DVDs. One of those was Napoleon Dynamite. It's really funny you guys. Extremely offbeat and irreverant and pretty stupid. Go rent it if you haven't already. Make sure you visit the laundry room before you watch it. I used to visit the laundry room occasionally until the plumbers came the other day and stole.....oh, never mind.

Sparkle, Bitchard and I were out running errands this evening because guess what's on the way tomorrow? Yep. And this time there's going to be ice! I'm totally prepared for any power outages or other problems....I have batteries, kerosene, alcoholic beverages, candles, Ouija Board and a carrot for a snowman nose. If my blog doesn't get updated, you will know all power was lost!

Boy, this book I have called "The Great Influenza" by John M. Barry has been quite a thought-provoker so far. The only thing is, the thoughts it is provoking have nothing to do with influenza, but whatever! At least the ol' brainwheels are turning. Here's a quote that really touched my heart:

"A virus has only one function: to replicate itself. But unlike other life forms (if a virus is considered a life form), a virus does not even do that itself. It invades cells that have energy and then, like some alien puppet master, it subverts them, takes them over, forces them to make thousands, and in some cases hundreds of thousands, of new viruses."

Wow, I know ACTUAL PEOPLE that are just like viruses! Their only function is to take over your life, zap all of your energy and multiply the misery hundreds of thousands of times over. And I bet you've known quite a few viruses in your lifetime too!

And this has absolutely nothing to do with anything but check out this rock and roller from the 1400's. I think they said his name was Meate Loafe. Singing "Ye Olde Belles of Helle". And people spend time arguing about whether Elvis or the old bluesmasters invented rock and roll. Yeesh.

Friday, January 28, 2005


I went to the doctor today and it was a total exercise in futility. We discussed what all has been going on with me and he did the required "hmmm"ing and making marks on his clipboard. "Well its obviously a virus, not a bacteria" and you know this how exactly? "You're immune system seems to be low"....uh, yeah.....and "No its not menopause" - ha! You know I had to ask! Bottom line, he doesn't know what is wrong. I have an appointment to go to the lab. When they don't know what to do with you, they send you to the lab and put you on the slab. But at least I did get the Holy Grail Doctor's Work Note excusing my slackness over the past week. I just might keep this job yet.

Somebody gave me a Kenny Wayne Shepherd CD for Christmas and I put it in my car for when the day came I wanted to hear some Stevie Ray Vaughan. There's a subtle put-down in that prior sentence if you look closer. So today I finally shoved it in the CD player and I couldn't believe it! Ol' Kenny Wayne has graduated from the Academy of SRV Parody and has moved up to directly ripping off Foghat, Ted Nugent and Lynyrd Skynyrd riffs. Notice that I didn't say paying tribute. Nope, this is direct rip off of riffs. God, its appalling and if I belonged to any of the aforementioned bands I would be highly pissed.

I just wish I could sit down with Kenny Wayne Shepherd and tell him...."Look, you're a wonderful guitar player but you have to get original!" Surely there's some talented out-of-work songwriter out there who could help Kenny come into his own. I heard Ashlee Simpson is going to start writing. It could work.

And finally.....here's part of an email I received today.....supposedly this depicts some of the sea animals that washed up after the Tsunami.

"Hey Dude! I haven't seen you around since "Alien"!

Just go away. I want to be alone. Leave me to my brooding.

"Sing a happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy song"......

That shell has meatballs!

"Honey, I just can't WAIT to get out there and skinny dip with you in the ocean!"

"Mom, they didn't have any ice cream at the store, so we brought you this instead."

"She's not really that pretty but she has the most GORGEOUS green eyes....and a good personality, too!"

"Yeah Doc, I've been feeling kind of down.....and don't laugh....but I think I have the BLUES."

"WELCOME TO HELL!" I think this is called a GothFish.

"And guess what happened after I FOUND Nemo!"

"I see your true colors, shining through.....I see your true colors and that's why I love you..."

For some reason, this makes me think of Pac Man.

"Whaddaya mean, Maryland spanked Duke last night?"

"Now that I've been caught lip-syncing, does this mean my music career is over?"

Thursday, January 27, 2005


My post from the other day was longer. I don't know what happened to it. It got zapped into oblivion somewhere between "Save As Draft" and "Your Blog Published Successfully". The most pathetic part is that I didn't even notice till much later.

Yes, I've still been sick. And I'm SICK OF IT. I don't even want to blog about it. I'm going to go to the doctor tomorrow and he's going to DO SOMETHING or I'm going to blow. Up, that is.

But I don't mind telling you people that Sparkle has done absolutely nothing to make me feel better either. She comes home and tells me she needs pillow stuffing for a Home Ec. project. Fine, here's some money, get Bitchard to take you to the Gettin' Place and would you pleaaaase bring me back some ice cream for my aching throat? Pleaaaassse? So she comes home with pillow stuffing and freaking Push Ups. I detest Push Ups. She KNOWS this. She tells me they didn't have ice cream. Right. In that whole freaking store there was no ice cream. And they couldn't go to another store, oh no. But they laid in a supply of Push Ups for themselves.

They're just one Push Up short of a six pack. I don't get any love. I'm sure a frozen Lean Cuisine could be as equally soothing to a sore throat as ice cream, though.

So you see, the doctor has GOT to do something. I might die of neglect otherwise.

File this one under things I desperately want to tell you about but I can't. Just be assured that Butt Kissing is alive and well at Conglomo, no its not a dying art. At all. HAW HAW HAW!

I'm in full-on Negavity Mode and I hate myself for it. Forget this life, I've bungled everything. I'm already making plans for my next life.

And file this one under things worth living for:
Here is a link to a couple of Johnny Depp movie trailers. I obviously can't wait. These links were first posted by Garnet at http://www.garnetsbreathingroom.blogspot.com/

Tim Burton's Corpse Bride:

Tim Burton's Charlie and The Chocolate Factory:

And file this one under things that make me want to give up entirely:
According to Ryan at http://www.ryanbrush.blogspot.com/ - the new Mars Volta sucks. I feel like crawling up in the motor of an 18-wheeler and waiting for the driver to start the engine.