I would have ruled this world too, if it weren't for you meddling kids!
Wednesday, January 31, 2007


God I hate Ebay! I never go there anymore because when I do, I always find something I just GOTTA have. And you can bet your booty that if I want it, its going to be like the only one of its kind ever in the whole wide world. And you can also bet on that when the auction is coming to an end, someone is going to swoop in at the last 4 seconds and outbid me, and outbid me good. I mean, who can type that fast? And who are all these people buying all this stuff? How come they have so much money AND killer typing skills?

I wanted this 4 CD set and....so did this other person. I clicked on his name and looked at his feedback record, because they list the things the person has bought in the past. And this guy has a long, sordid history of outbidding other hopefuls like every couple of days and on the weirdest things. He paid $41.00 for a Ted Nugent CD. Whaaaaat? $41.00???? Did Ted Nugent actually leave some DNA on the CD or what? I carefully checked over this nugget of bidding history and there was nothing special about that CD at all, other than the fact that it looks like a little bidding war broke out over it. Yeah, this guy was going to have the last word no matter what. Nobody is going to get the best of HIM over a Ted Nugent CD.

I repeat....$41.00?????????

I knew I was screwed on my auction. And I was. I don't like to lose and Ebay makes me feel like a big loser, because I always lose. My only satisfaction is that I drove the price up $30.00 more than that guy would have paid had I NOT bid. That would have almost bought him another Ted Nugent CD. Sheesh.


Tuesday, January 30, 2007


Back in the day, Buck Owens, the country singer, had a lead guitarist named DON RICH . A man who seemed very nice and by all accounts was quite talented by country music standards. And I killed him, just as sure as if I pulled a gun on him.

It was just another Saturday night in (according to Wikipedia) July, 1974. The beloved TV show HEE HAW was on the tube and I was mad. I don't remember what I was mad about, I guess I was just being a spoiled brat. Maybe I was wanting to watch one of the other (two) channels or something.

But HEE HAW was on the tube, Buck Owens was singing a song, and the poor aforementioned Don Rich was backing him up. He was in the background, playing his guitar and singing harmony, and I was so mad about whatever, and I thought in my mind, "I HATE that guy, I HATE his singing, AND I WISH HE WAS DEAD!"

Lo and behold, about 3 days later, he was. He was in a car wreck. This blew me out of the water, and I have felt guilty about it for almost 35 years now.

I wished that guy dead, and he died.

And that's how I discovered the power of the mind. I learned the hard way that you don't wish any old thing just because you are feeling like a spoiled brat. Sometimes I tell people that I am sending them some good vibes, and I really do mean that. I believe in mind power. I don't think I can control destiny, like RATIONALLY I realize that man didn't die because I wished him dead. But I do think there is power in the mind, I think we can send other people good energy....or bad energy. Maybe I sent Don Rich's bad energy over the threshold.


Thursday, January 25, 2007


When you get right down to it, I guess you go either one way or the other:




I have writer's block. Again. You can count on it, 3 times a year. This time I plan to battle it by posting pictures. You look at the picture and discuss. Throw me a few bones that I can blog about.

Today's Picture:


Monday, January 22, 2007


I was 10 years old. My mother took my sister and I for a short weekend to the beach to get away from it all. We threw on our bathing suits and dashed to the pool. I dipped a foot in and it was WAY too cold for me, I wasn't going in. My sister grabbed me from behind and was going to throw me in.

"No, no, no", I was really struggling, but she was determined.

She threw me in the pool. She didn't throw me far enough. My head smacked the concrete.

I remember coming to in the water. I was in a beautiful ripply world of blue and the sun was shining in and for a split second I thought I was in heaven. Water in my nose brought me back to reality, and I headed for the surface.

Everyone was staring at me. My sister was pale. People were asking, "are you all right?" and I'm like "sure". I sat down on a lounge chair. I became aware of the back of my head really hurting. When no one was looking, I touched the back of my head. I could feel it give in under my fingers. My skull was cracked and I knew it was serious, even at 10 years old.

From that instant, it became my mission that no one would ever find out. Why? I don't know, it was just important to me that no one know that the right side of the back of my head was caved in like a rotten pumpkin. I told my sister I was going to the motel room to get a drink and that I had to go to the bathroom. When I got to the bathroom, I noticed that my legs were spazzing slightly. My teeth started to chatter uncontrollaby. I touched the back of my head one more time, and I could tell it was bad. It had started to swell and I couldn't feel the shattered bone anymore. I vowed right then never to touch it again because it needed to heal. And I didn't touch it again.

My mother started realizing I wasn't acting right, so I told her I thought I was catching a cold because I didn't feel too good. She put me to bed and I went willingly, on my left side, of course. And fell mercifully asleep. And mercifully, because God loves his foolish little children, I woke up later and I was okay, the only problem was an exquisitely painful headache.

I slept on my left side for at least a year or longer. I didn't brush my hair in that area for just as long. I would only lightly shampoo the ends of my hair in that area. Finally one day, I gave myself permission to feel. And though there was still a ghost of pain back there, my fingers felt firmness. There was a major dip in my skull, but it was firm again.

No one ever knew. And no one knew until a couple of weeks ago, when I impulsively told my daughter about it. She freaked. "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL SOMEONE?"......I don't know why! I guess a good skull cracking can make you do strange things, for years even. It was a horribly stupid thing to do.

I am sure that the fact that I was dropped on my head as a child is going to answer a whole lot of questions for a whole lot of people. I am now officially out of the head injury closet.


Friday, January 19, 2007


Blog on hiatus till Monday. Family stuff.


Wednesday, January 17, 2007


I am going to blog!!! I do this because the National Weather Service is calling for my area to have an inch of "snow and ice". Now....an inch of snow is one thing, but an inch of ice is a whole other ballgame. Especially when you live around a bunch of pine trees that have been "weak" for years, since Hurricane Fran. Nowadays, if a good hard rain falls, it is not really that unusual anymore that a tree will fall. This is because so many of them were weakened by Fran that they are just kind of sitting loose in the ground, literally hanging on by threads of roots. Now throw an inch of ice in there and that's just a huge disaster waiting to happen. And some of the trees are so tall that my neighbors' trees could fall and still take out a portion of my roof.

On the plus side, I might get a day off work with pay! So pray for me, but remember to add the disclaimer about the roof, willya? And remember, if you don't see me around for a few days, you will know the power is out. Again.

In other news, my right eyeball has gone numb. I can see out of it, I just can't feel it. I can't think of anything good that this might signify. If I don't reappear after a few days, go ahead and assume I had a stroke or some other significant brain damaging episode.

And always remember, you can always say ONE PERSON loved you in this life. Because I do love ya'll.


Monday, January 15, 2007



Saturday, January 13, 2007


I thought I would post my class assignment from this week; to write about reading and what it means to me.

Reading is an activity that I have grown to depend upon, not only as a form of entertainment, but also as a necessary requirement of daily living. I begin my day by logging into CNN.com to find out all the world events, which are of the utmost importance to follow. At work, I often spend lunch time with a magazine or surfing for information on the internet. When it is time to go to bed at night is when I curl up with whatever is my main reading material at that time, be it a book or magazine. Reading is an activity I am pursuing all day long.

When asked what I read, I always hesitate with my answer. The truth is that I read everything. Whether it is truth or fiction, fantasy or biography, poetry or scientific results, I will read it if it crosses my path. My life has been one huge ocean of reading, and I leave books, newspapers, magazines, and internet articles in my wake.

I can never remember the authors or titles of anything I read, but I dive into the contents of what I am reading as if jumping into the aforementioned ocean, totally immersing myself. Yet when someone asks me if I've read the latest Stephen King book, I am usually unsure. All I can remember is the actual story. This kind of experience has often led to me delving into a book only to discover I have already read it. However, if the book was good enough the first time around, I will happily read it over again.

The only time I feel that reading is harmful to me is when I visit a Barnes and Noble bookstore. Like an alcoholic turned loose in a fully-stocked bar, I wander through the shelves looking at all the magic stuffed into every inch of the store. There are novels, biographies, and non-fiction of every subject on the planet, including the planets. I can have my arms filled within minutes. Eventually I begin to realize that I can't spend $300.00 on books, so I start the filtering process to whittle the selection down to what I most want. The filtering process is, to me, one of life's saddest challenges.

Without reading, my life would change drastically for the worse. Most of the activities of my daily life are already pre-determined. I must fulfill my responsibilities of a full-time job, child, and home. There is not a lot of time or money for entertainment or travel. Reading is my escapism, my education, and my link to a world I would otherwise know very little about. Reading is absolutely essential to my happiness as a person.


Thursday, January 11, 2007


This post is dedicated to BIFF SPIFFY.

Awhile back I made a comment in my blog about a wonky eye. I don't quite remember the context of what I was saying, which is okay because it was probably something really stupid anyway. Biff Spiffy has asked for some clarification of what a wonky eye actually is. So I went out on Google and found a good pic of the top wonky-eyed person in America:

Good ol' Paris Hilton!!! And for the record, Paris does NOT have a lazy eye. That's a W-O-N-K-Y eye. If it is not in the dictionary, then it should be.

And while I am educating the world about wonky-ism, I think it should be pointed out that it is not only eyes that can be wonky:

As this instructive cartoon illustrates, women can also have wonky boobs. It is not a great leap of imagination to figure that men could probably have wonky testicles, though I've never personally seen any.

And that, my friends, is the concept of wonky. If it doesn't match, it is wonky.


Wednesday, January 10, 2007


As you may remember, I accidentally hit a widdle bunny wabbit awhile back while driving. This occurrence has come to haunt my every waking moment, and some of my sleeping ones, too. If you have noticed in the "About Me" section....I actually LOOK like a bunny wabbit now.

However, in an attempt to absolve myself from my sins, I now offer you photographic evidence that animals in the wild west days were even more endangered than our little wabbits now:

Don't ask why. Some things in life are explainable. This is not one of them. Sacred Knowledge exists that 21st century man is not meant to know.




Judy assigned me the task of listing 15 positive things about myself (as opposed to the 50 negatives I attempted. The first three she created:

1. Brenda is a good mom
2. Brenda is a good writer
3. Brenda is creative and crafty....
4. Brenda is growing that horrendous perm out quite nicely!
5. Brenda is a great reader, thanks to the Evelyn Wood Speed Reading Course in 7th grade.
6. Brenda is a nice friend to have.....if you're a homeless kitty.
7. Brenda always brushes her teeth....and flosses regularly!
8. Brenda is a financial wizard who can perform miracles when paying the bills.
9. That's because Brenda knows how to bring home the bacon - and fry it up in a pan!
10. Brenda gives good customer service.....at work, you perverts!
11. Brenda has the best iPod load this side of the Mississippi.
12. Brenda knows how to spell Mississippi without looking it up.
13. Brenda is aging quite well compared to Nicole Kidman. No plastic surgery yet!
14. Brenda could be YOUR next president!
15. Brenda always, always knows when to quit.


Tuesday, January 09, 2007


I got hit with a meme entitled "50 Negative Things About Me"......and I started doing it....and I got to about 35 things and I felt so bad about myself I couldn't continue. The worst part was realizing that those 35 things were like only the tip of the iceberg. And I wasn't even being totally forthcoming. My self-esteem is blown for the week. I'm going back to my rock, climb under it, and just continue to be my worthless self. Geez.



Sunday, January 07, 2007


Here's a question/scenario for those of you that have been reading this blog for awhile:

Let us suppose that at some point in the past that you and I had been married. And now you're in a bind and can't pay child support. And maybe feeling a little bad about it?

How would you go about making amends with me?

That's right. Bring your whole CD collection over and let me burn it to my iTunes!!!

That's what he did, he just showed up with them, two large cases stinking to high heaven of the ghosts of cigarettes from bachelor parties gone by. They be stankin'.

At first glance, his CD collection is so generic looking. He's got a whole case of those compilation CDs that you order off TV: "Love Songs", "70's Party Mix" "Class Reunion" (pick a year, any year). It's like, oh my God. But I sat down and started scanning the CDs and I perked up a bit. I mean, England Dan and John Ford Coley. Seals and Crofts. Rita Coolidge. Al Green. Earth Wind and Fire bringing the soul, while Parliament Funkadelic brings the funk. Then Joe Cocker brings the schizophrenia while Barry White wraps it all up with some good lovin', babe. Who would have guessed my ex was such a 70's a.m. radio historian? I'm down with it, I'll be ripping songs all weekend.


All my life I never stop to worry 'bout a thing
Open up and shout it out, never try to sing
Wonderin' if I've done it wrong
Will this depression last for long?

Won't you tell me
Where have all the good times gone?
Where have all the good times gone?
Where have all the good times gone?

Once we had an easy ride an' always felt the same
Time was on our side, we had everything to gain
Let it be like yesterday
Is that me or Happy Days?

Ma and Pa look back on all the things they used to do
They never had no money and they always told the truth
Daddy didn't need no little toys
Mommy didn't need no little boys

Won't you tell me
Where have all the good times gone?
Where have all the good times gone?
Where have all the good times gone?

(Guitar Solo)

Yesterday was such an easy game for you to play
Aw, but then let's face it, things are easier today
Guess you need some bringing down
Get your feet back on the ground

Won't you tell meWhere have all the good times gone?
Where have all the good times gone?
Where have all the good times gone?
Where have all the good times gone?


Friday, January 05, 2007


So. Blogging. Yeah.

I registered for school last night. ONE CLASS. My freaking book is going to be like $70.00....used!! I'm going to ride around this weekend and see if I can't find that bitch a little cheaper somewhere else.

The moon the last couple of nights has been fantastic. Last night it was totally incredible because it was a total full moon and there were these little wisps of clouds in front of it, just like this picture.

It was so spooky looking! If I knew of a haunted house around here, or a spooky cemetary, I would have gone out there and stood around and waited for a ghost or two to show up. The only haunted house I ever knew about around here got torn down, and the only spooky cemetary is located in the middle of crack town. Yes, I would much rather deal with ghosts than crack heads.

My daughter could care less about the moon. I'm yelling "OH MY GOD, LOOK AT THAT MOON!" and she's just like *yawn*. How can anybody not be fascinated with the sky?
And on that note, here's your song of the day. I dare you to TRY to forget it.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007


Happy New Year! I have had a nice long vacation from blogging (with the exception of people that just would not quit dying), now I must rededicate myself.

I dedicated myself to the New Year by respecting a most sacred tradition: I slept almost the entire day. I cannot handle alcohol - a few drinks and I have to sleep the entire day. So not worth it.

School registration is on January 3. ONE CLASS ONLY.

I now leave you with a Blind Item to ponder:

Whose baby-daddy ended 2006 by getting fired from his job? Although Miss Blind Item's committed relationship to Baby-Daddy ended long ago, she certainly does not wish bad things for him. As Baby-Daddy is not the most stable one hanging out in the barnyard, Miss Blind Item fears another a nervous breakdown if his life continues to spiral out of control.

Not exactly a little angel who is only concerned for the welfare of others, Miss Blind Item is quite pissy because she knows her chances of receiving a child support check has just dropped from....uhhhhh....ZERO percent to about NEGATIVE 95 percent.