I would have ruled this world too, if it weren't for you meddling kids!
Sunday, July 31, 2005


Oh God. If you've been reading for my blog for awhile, you already know of my robotphobia. Well, I was busy reading a book (of which you are going to get a good smattering of over the next few days) called "The World's Greatest Unsolved Mysteries" by Damon Wilson. And Mr. Wilson has informed me that you are a robot. Not only that, but I am a robot, too!

"We all have within us a robot, akin to the automatic pilot in an airplane, whose task is to simplify our lives by handling a series of routines. Learning to type or speak French or drive a car requires considerable effort and concentration, but once we have mastered it, our robot takes over and does it far more quickly and efficiently than we could do it consciously. The trouble is, the robot can become so efficient that it takes over most of our life. We begin to live like a robot. We automatically drink our martini, eat our dinner, watch TV. It takes a holiday or some sudden crisis to jar us out of this automatic living, to allow our real selves to take over from the robot.

".......For, like our bodies, our feelings are also controlled by the robot. We seldom experience new feeling. For the most part, we play the same old phonograph record over and over again - a record that, except in times of crisis, is full of bland harmonies. Our minds contain a vast unused library of 'phonograph records'. And not just our minds. The world around us is full of an infinite number of interesting things that the robot has been trained to ignore.

"Human beings live within arbitrary limits. Not only do we have an arbitrary idea of our powers and capabilities, but we also have an arbitrary idea of our powers and capabilities, but we also have an arbitrary idea of the complexity and interestingness of the world around us. Habit has confined human beings in a thoroughly stale universe."

I totally agree with everything this guy is saying.....but I HATE the robot analogy.
Note to self: Do something interesting and not habitual today. Don't let the robot take over.

Saturday, July 30, 2005


Oh. Holy. Shit. Remember a few weeks back when I was having such a wild night with all the animals raising cane around the house and I finally ended up seeing a brown fox fairly up close and personal? And I was all freaking out because I'd never really known foxes to be around here and it was my first time to observe one? Well....

I bet you anything its the same fox, because the neighborhood they are writing about is about a mile and a half away if you're heading through the woods and cross the river.

I guess that's why the cats and the wildlife were so restless that night. All plans for hiking in the woods have been cancelled until I can obtain a suitable weapon besides my stick and my pocket knife. I need a taser gun or something. It's a freaking jungle out here!

Friday, July 29, 2005


Hear ye, hear ye.

A further adventure of the Royal Princess....as RELATED by the Princess........

Recently in Ye Olde Kingdom of Ghettoville, the Princess and Sir Spoiled-A-Lot decided to head to the Royal Seashore in Sir Spoiled-A-Lot's carriage. Accompanying them were Sir Harratio and Lady Sarah. Baron Harratio Sr. was in the carriage ahead of them.

About 50 miles inland of the Royal Seashore, the Princess and her entourage noticed that an Unsuitable Carriage with at least 6 rogues aboard kept trying to overtake them, and yelling a lot. These rogues are described by the Princess as being immigrants from a very distant southern kingdom, and quite toothless. The Princess didn't know what to think about all this and ordered the entourage to ignore them and continue their journey.

They arrived at the Royal Seashore, whereupon they were able to evade the 6 rogues and acquire lodgings for their holiday. However, unbeknownst to the entourage, the 6 rogues headed directly the Seashore's Royal Magistrate, insisted that someone aboard the Royal Carriage had thrown something at them and broken the windshield of their Unsuitable Carriage. They had written down the identification number of Sir Spoiled-A-Lot's carriage, and insisted the Royal Seashore Magistrate place the Princess, Sir Spoiled-A-Lot, Sir Harratio and Lady Sarah under arrest.

The Royal Seashore Magistrate did NOT arrest the Princess and her entourage, but he did find them and take them to the Royal Police Station and question them in the presence of the 6 rogues. The Princess got on the Royal Cell Phone and called the Queen, who flipped out. After much indecision and hand-wringing, the Queen finally contacted the Exiled King, who in turn flipped out also.

The Exiled King called the Royal Magistrate's office and really let him have it. How can these rogues prove that the Princess and her entourage were responsible for a break in the windshield of the Unsuitable Carriage? The Royal Magistrate responded that the rogues had followed the entourage for at least 50 miles and he doubted that those rogues would follow them for so long if something hadn't happened......which shows absolute flawed intelligence and reasoning. The Queen hotly retorted that the Royal Carriage was in need of a new windshield, perhaps she should just go roam the Kingdom until she spots some guillible young randoms and report that THEY broke the Royal Carriage windshield, so a free one could be obtained. The Royal Magistrate hemmed and hawed and was a general jackass.

The Royal Magistrate in action.

Meanwhile, the Princess insisted there was no way anyone in the entourage was responsible for the broken windshield. There is some doubt and rumor in the Kingdom of Ghettoville, as it is well known that the Princess would do anything to protect Sir Spoiled-A-Lot, but in the end the Royal Parents realized their daughter was most likely telling the truth as she knew it.

The resolution of this KingdomTragedy came about when the King and Queen, upon discussing the matter amongst themselves, realized that they have neither the time or the money to be running back and forth to the Royal Seashore for court dates, hiring a solicitor, and possibly having to pay court costs if His Highness the Judge were to rule against the entourage. It was decided that the quickest and most convenient way to resolve the matter would be for the Princess and her entourage to submit to the charges of the rogues, and divide the cost of the windshield four ways.

The Queen remains in a state of Royal Pissed-Offedness though, and is plotting a future invasion of the Royal Seashore Magistrate's office and sentencing the Royal Magistrate himself to the guillotine. The rogues would be well advised to flee the entire Kingdom immediately, as the Queen is plotting their impalement outside the gates of the Kingdom. The Queen has also declared to anyone that will listen that if this incident had occurred within the immediate Kingdom, those rogues would have had a fight to the end.....quite lame really, but it does seem to lift her spiritually to make such threats.

Both the King and Queen are hoping, that if the Princess and her entourage are being anything less than truthful, that a major Royal Lesson as been learned.

Thursday, July 28, 2005


Well, it was officially the Hottest Day I've Ever Known. The bank sign said 112 degrees at 3:00 p.m. Everyone says "Oh that's just the heat index".....ummm...no, it isn't. The bank sign doesn't measure heat indexes. If you didn't have a problem believing the bank sign when it said 82 degrees, why are you going to doubt it now?

I had a friend whose uncle once worked for the National Weather Service doing something or other....and he said that whenever there are temperature extremes, high or low, that the NWS shaves a little bit from that to prevent "panics". This is why your local bank sign says 112 degrees when the friendly neighborhood weatherman insists that it all topped out at 104 degrees. And if the NWS says its going to be 15 degrees, you better count on it being at least 10 or lower. Because my friend's uncle said so!!!!

I came home from work and dunked both kitties in water. Boy were they mad! I don't care though, it made me feel better. And hopefully they felt better afterwards, too.

The heat wave is supposed to break tonight supposedly. We are supposed to get strong storms....but I keep checking the map and...of course....it looks like the storm line is breaking up the closer it gets

And check this out....here's a shot of my backyard....on the edge of Ye Olde Enchanted Foreste....and this pic nicely illustrates how my grass is dying. I'm estatic. I go out the back door occasionally, shake my fist at the yard, and yell "Die, dammit! Die!" The possible thought of no more mowing for the rest of the mowing season has me stoked. Maybe I'll just go ahead and get the yard paved, if it doesn't spontaneously combust first.

And its not like I didn't learn something today: did you know that when you are discussing a multiple index situation, the correct word is "indices"? I did not know this. Upon further investigation I discovered that "indexes" is also considered correct, but other people will think you're oh-so-smart if you use "indices" instead.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005


The big question on everyone's mind......

The answer: Yes, if you live in North Carolina. If you are wicked, you are going to burn forever. Even if you're not wicked, you're STILL going to burn. Its like 104 degrees in the shade. I've been doing the Homer thing (without the beer).

The power went out around 5:00 p.m. and I was like, holy shit, a blackout! I was preparing to go out and do a bit of looting, which is the custom in the U.S., but thank God, the power was back on in minutes. As the mechanisms of my house roared back to life, I found myself inspired:

That'll probably come out looking terrible on the blog. Oh well. My dad used to call the air conditioning "Angel's Breath".....as in "Go turn on that Angel's Breath, its hot as hell in this house!!!!" So I can't claim the angel is an original idea. Here's some random doodles from work, with some numbers whited out to protect the innocent:

Doodling is a sickness with me, especially at work. I can't think if I can't doodle.

Last night Sparkle, Bitchard and I went to see....guess who? (Hint: the only person I'll pay theater prices to see):

Charlie and The Chocolate Factory! OMG, you GOTTA go see it! Johnny Depp is, of course, the perfect Willy Wonka. The crazed look in his eye, the fake teeth, that damned hair, that very uncomfortable sound the gloves make when he rubs his fingers together....that smirk of satisfaction as each kid gets what's coming to them......simply wonderful. There's plenty of evil this character......IMPLIED evil......so you can still take the little ones to see this movie without fear. They'll be so focused on the astounding sets and fun special effects that they'll totally miss the scarier aspects of Willy Wonka....and you the adult shall savor them.

Of special interest to the hard rock music fans....please note the child I have boxed, who appears in the movie:

Do you think he could possibly be a certain someone's love child?:

Oh yeah, and one last thing. OOMPA LOOMPAS are da bomb! Don't miss this movie. 'kay?

Sunday, July 24, 2005


Just some random things:

I wish you could have been here when I discovered a perfect insect skeleton specimen laying on top of my clothes dryer. I'm thinking maybe a spider had trapped this insect because it was stripped of all "flesh".....a perfectly cleaned skeleton. I gathered it up in the time-honored scientific fashion - toothpicks and paper towel - and put it under the microscrope. And it was awesome! The skull was intact as was the neck bones, I don't think I've ever looked at a insect skull before. The wings were basically gone but all the legs were there and I was able to manipulate them to watch how the insect used his legs as far as bending. No kneecaps were spotted, though I guess he COULD have knees. So what kind of insect was it? Who knows? But I learned things, so I guess that's all that matters.

I've been having a serious depression bout, as I seem to do every few years. When I feel like this, I get even more reclusive than I already am. The front door is locked tight, the shades are pulled, and if your name doesn't come up on caller ID, I ain't answering. I talked to my sister about it and she recommended taking a class to get me out amongst some people to help me snap out of it. Forced socialization has worked in the past, so I'm game. I'm thinking about taking an art class, I haven't been to one in at least 10 years. There's an acrylics class coming up at the local community college, so I might go for it. The only thing is that it doesn't start till September. Maybe I'll get it all out of my system until then.

Apparently my favorite singing angel, the perpetually soused Charlotte Church, is thinking of joining the Church of Scientology.
Don't do it, Char! Scientology = Evil. Singing = Good.

Ta ta for now.

Friday, July 22, 2005


Ever since our little trip to the Natural Sciences Museum, I've been trying to brush up on my dinosaur knowledge. Well, it hasn't been easy because everything has changed. There used to be just the basic dinosaurs....the brontosaurus, the tyrannusaurus rex, the triceratops, the pterodactyl, and....yeah. Test was passed with minimal studying.

Nowadays there's 10 million different dinosaurs, and they all end in "saurus". Here's a minute sampling: acrocanthosaurus, alectrosaurus, gorgosaurus, lengosaurus, homeboysaurus and stinkyfartsaurus. Now how are we supposed to remember all these sauruses? There's more sauruses than there are stars in the sky.

But here's the worst:

The Brontosaurus is no longer the Brontosaurus. Say what? You heard me. They went and renamed the Brontosaurus. Now he's an Apatosaurus. WELL THAT JUST SUCKS. They take the most well-known dinosaur and rename his ass.....little kids and museum curators the world over are totally bummed. Just the word "bronto" made you think of long, arching necks, reaching up to the tops of the trees for tree snacks. And now they've taken that away, too. According to August 2005 issue of Discover magazine, Apatosaurus, who is still a Brontosaurus in my pathetic world and always will be, did not reach to the tops of trees for tree snacks. They carried themselves more like this:

I am not believing this shit. I mean, if they carried their necks forward and ate at neck level, then why the long neck? So they could get to the tasty hedge quicker than some other dinosaur? And it took scientists this long to figure it out? WHATEVA!

And since we're on the subject of reptiles:

I have become a bit more accepting of the Ball Python that resides in my house. I've had plenty of time for observation and to get to know Snakie better. And here's the deal:

When you actually see the snake and the snake is hanging around in the tank and active, he's hungry. Feed him a mouse and watch him go so sluggish he can barely hold his head up. He slithers off to his rock to hide and you don't see him anymore for at least a week or two. My strategy: keep that sucker well fed.

Bitchard has assured me that Ball Pythons do not get as large as Burmese Pythons, whose heads are about the size of an adult foot and their bodies.....

Jeez. Is my house even this big? If Snakie gets this big, I'm moving out. Sparkle can have the house. Or as Jeff Kay would say.... "Holy Crap in a Bundt Pan!"

Thursday, July 21, 2005


Yea!!! I got some fan mail! Well, not exactly. I got some mail IN RESPONSE to some fan mail, that would be the better description. Here's the story:

There used to be a band from my area called Polvo. They broke up almost 10 years ago. WELL, I found out that two former Polvo members, Dave and Steve, have a new project called Black Taj. You can click on the Black Taj link in my Cosmic Sounds list to listen to an MP3. They are currently recording their debut for Amish Records.

An email address was provided. Bad mistake, because I'm a fan. I had to write to them.

And Dave Brylawski wrote back to me! Its not like getting an email from God or something but its really damn close. And look how nice he was:

Hey Brenda- thanks for the email!!! ex - north carolinian here. taj has an album coming out in the fall on Amish recs! See ya in NC in the fall, hopefully. Dave

The unbelievably nice and very talented Dave Brylawski. You rock, dude.

So, you musician people who read my blog.....and I know of at least a few of you......let this be your first instruction in Being Nice To The Fans 101......answer your fan mail! It tends to help get your face plastered on blogs and also tends to foster rabid devotion in your fanbase. Plus the fact that I will bug all of you to purchase the Black Taj CD in the fall.

Quick Email = Happy Fans = Sales Generated = Spending Money For You = Bragging Rights for The Fans = Everybody Really Happy.

Here's another Taj I was saving for a special occasion:

Wednesday, July 20, 2005
1500 VS. 2005


I don't know how true all of these are, but they are interesting nonetheless:

The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the1500s:

Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hencethe custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, "don't throw the baby out with the bath water"....

Houses had thatched roofs....thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying "Its raining cats and dogs!"

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, "Dirt poor". The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance way. Hence the saying a ... "thresh hold"..

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot.They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme, "Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge inthe pot nine days old"...

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, bring home the bacon... They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sitaround and chew the fat.

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the uppercrust.

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking alongthe road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up..Hence the custom of holding a wake.

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be, saved by the bell. Or was considered a ...dead ringer!

Now whoever said history was boring!

Tuesday, July 19, 2005


[I don't mean to be evasive with you guys. All I can say is that I got taken advantage of, in a big way. Its unbloggable. But when things of this magnitude happen, you either deal with it or you die. I haven't decided what my fate is yet but I would never leave you all without an explanation. That I can promise.]

Remember when my ancient betta, Fishie, died awhile back? Well, his minion, Fishie II, was promoted to the the posh tank at work:

Fishie II is a very, very happy fish. He's young, an active swimmer, and looks at me longingly while I work, begging for some attention. I'll move my fingers over there and gently trace the glass with my fingers, which he loves. But I can't be entertaining the fish all day, a girl's gotta work. So I started trying to think of ways that Fishie II could be stimulated and entertained while I work. I thought and I thought....and guess what I came up with?

Fish Jam. I put my headphones on the tank and turn the music up....not loud, just enough to where the bass and drums will vibrate a bit. I also place the headphones on the right side of the tank so he can get away from if he doesn't like it.

You guys, he LOVES it! When he sees me placing the headphones on the tank, he starts going nuts and his blue colors really start to shine. While a CD plays, he swims constantly between the headphones, only coming out once in awhile just to see what I am doing. When a CD is over and I remove the headphones, he turns black and shakes his body at me to show his displeasure. Within 15 minutes after his music session, he's busy at the top of the water blowing bubbles into a nest, which is a behavior Bettas display when they feel safe and happy.

I'm keeping notes, though I'm not sure exactly what kind of useful data this could possibly add to the scientific community. I think my working hypothesis is going to be to prove that Bettas think indie rock is better than emo. Of particular note, this individual betta gets totally excited over ANYTHING Dave Grohl drums on.

It's true, the entire world loves him. Old people and kids alike adore him. He charms the birds from the trees and the fishies from their tanks. All claims are now backed by scientific proof.

Monday, July 18, 2005


Hi, I'm blogging, believe it or not.

Your questions: did Sparkle and Bitchard break up?
Answer: Yes, they did. Sparkle told me they had broken up when I got home from work one day. I asked her, "Well, what time did you break up?" And she was like "well, uh, around 2:30." and I said "Well, you'll be back together by 7:00"....and guess what, they were!

I think what's going on is that they have been together so long that they are just playing around with breaking up, just to see what it feels like.

So why haven't I been blogging? Well, why don't we make a guessing game of it? The following is a list of about 40 or so bad things that can happen to a person. Guess which of the following 9 things have actually happened to me within the past 9 days? No prizes given for this particular game. In fact, I may not even let you know if you win or not. Just please understand....things have not been good. In fact, things right now might be the hardest they'll ever be.

Car burglary
Anally probed by a Scientologist
Death of relative
House fire
Deforestation of your entire property
Suicide attempt
Car impounded by the State
Spider bite
Cussed out
Speeding ticket
Writers' block
Mad Cow Disease
Realizing a friend isn't a friend
Someone laying a guilt trip on you
Got your eyeballs popped out
Getting audited by the IRS
So lonely I thought I would die
Murder Charge
Chemical poisoning
Illegal Drug Charge
Twisting your arm till it snaps like a twig
Realizing you're going to need a second job.
Losing your contacts
Lost inheritance
Losing a 15 lb large mouth bass off of your hook
e coli poisoning
Illicit affair
Mistaken for a homeless person
Realizing something has got to change
Pulling away from the gas pump with the hose still in the tank
punching someone in the nose
Getting punched in the nose
Losing a pet
bad hair day

But no matter how bad things get, please know that you, my friends, I do love you. And I mean it. I hope you'll always be my friends.

Friday, July 15, 2005


Sorry I haven't blogged lately. Part of the delay has been the fallout of an incident of lips who met to say hello....but I ain't saying whose. I may or may not have been an innocent bystander but any further details could jeopardize the security of the planet and the suitability of atmospheric conditions.

But anyway, I've got lots o' good gossip and stories for ya. All I need to do is park my butt on the chair and type it all out. Until then! LOVE!

Wednesday, July 13, 2005


Oh my GOD, did one of you readers ring up the good folks at Filter Magazine and ask them to photograph my dream cover??? THANK YOU SO MUCH!

Besides the fact that its unbelievable that two of my favoritest bands get a cover story TOGETHER.....the most incredible thing of all is that the photographer manages to make the 5 foot tall Mars Volta dudes look just about the same size as the 6 ft 5 in Josh Homme.

I know I had to have something to do with them deciding on a QOTSA/Mars Volta story, somewhere down the line. This would be comparable to a combined Harry Potter/Lord of the Rings Double Issue type thing for those of you who love it. It just doesn't happen.

But when it does, its a wonderful feeling, ain't it?

Regarding the car break-in: I believe in looking at the positive. I mean, I never have to lock my door anymore....there's nothing to steal! I don't have my driver's side window replaced yet....its covered with plastic....so that will help Sparkle and I curb the temptation to visit drive-through eateries. In fact, I'm just going to save money on gas PERIOD, mostly because I don't want to be seen in this car. I think it might be time to think about getting a second job.

And poor Sparkle. When the house was broken into a few years back, it was mostly HER stuff they took. Once again, she got hit hard because it was mostly HER cd's in the visor/carrier, because I don't like mine to be exposed to extreme heat. So now she's HIM-less, AFI-less, CKY-less, Blink 182-less, and Buckethead-less. I lost a Ken Andrews CD (ON - Shifting Skin), the first Starflyer 59 CD, and the new Nine Inch Nails CD....which you know I've already snuck away and bought again, as much as I've said I've loved it. Homeboy the Robber WAS nice enough to leave my Secret Machines CD behind, which was mighty kind.

Monday, July 11, 2005


"Gee Brenda, why haven't you been blogging? And where's that email you promised me?"

Well, I'll tell you what happened. While I was out and about, someone smashed the driver's side window of my car and.......stole my stereo. Yep, its gone. I have no more tunes in my car.

As many of you know, I am a very non-materialistic person. Possessions do not bring me very much pleasure. The exception being MY MUSIC.

Why can't they pick on the rich people? The rich people would just cuss a lot, get everything fixed, and life would go on.

But all this is okay. I still have my car. I can jam out at home and when I get to work. Homeboy the Robber's crack rock was smoked up in about 10 minutes.

I really hate this town sometimes.

Just look at what they did. Not only did they RIIIP the panel out and snatch the stereo, they ruined the drink holder and got some kind of crap on the carpet. Now my car isn't just Ghetto.....its FUGLY.

Thursday, July 07, 2005


Greg tapped me as a participant in the five things that I miss from childhood. Here's my list:

1. Trips to the corner store - going to the store was a BIG DEAL. My mother always had a quarter for a comic book.....sometimes TWO comic books! And if it was her payday, she would buy a 16 Magazine for my sister and I to share....and we could obsess over who was hotter, David Cassidy or Donny Osmond.

2. My grandmother and going to her house - I spent an awful lot of time there. I was always loved, the food was good, cousins were plentiful, and I had an industrial chemical stew of my very own to baste in out back.

3. The Dime Store - did the store even have a proper name. I don't think it did. But my mother always had 50 cents for a 45 r.p.m. record - and I managed to buy a boatload of them. Plus the Dime Store had 10,000 trinkets that a little girl could dream over. But if I had to choose between a record and a trinket....the record won every single time.

4. Sunrise Theater - the early-as-hell monster movie on Saturday mornings. These movies consisted of a lot of King Kong, robots, mutant dinosaurs tramping through the downtown area, and giant octopii attacking luxury cruise lines and submarines. Plus the cartoons would be coming on afterwards....what else could you want from a Saturday morning?

5. Waking up - and the first thing you feel is a rush of pure energy as you happily think, "I wonder what's going to happen to me TODAY?" I want that excitement and love of life every single day. Instead of wishing I could just go back to sleep.

And now it’s your turn. The Rules:Remove the first person from the following list, bump everyone up one spot and put your blog in the number 5 spot. Please link all of the blogs as they are linked now, or you won’t get no dessert.

Mommy Brain
Routon Family Homeschool
Golly Blog Howdy!
Hasty Ruminations
Planet Brenda

Now select four folks who hopefully haven’t already done this meme, and add them to your list - with a disclaimer that if they choose to decline participation, it will not result in seven years’ bad luck, or even a bad hair day. Come and play if you like; no pressure.And the tagging goes to:

Judy at Just Ask Judy
Christine at Blog Bucket
Thumper at Thumper Thinks Out Loud
And you, Gentle Reader.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005


Christina at http://www.wherepigsfly.blogspot.com/ tagged me to name my.......

TEN HOTTEST CELEBRITIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1. Johnny Depp - the man is smoking because he's so hot.

2. Johnny Knoxville and his BIG SECRET. Enough said.

3. Matthew McConaughey - the dimples, the voice, the talent, the Whole Package.

4. Kate Winslett - Beautiful in a real way, with real talent to boot.

5. Angelina Jolie - She's a goddess. And she's charitible. In more ways than one.

6. Trent Reznor - the ultimate Music Man, the camera loves him.

7. Troy Van Leeuwen - a quiet, humble, understated sexiness. HOT.

8. Scott Weiland - an electrifying performer, an enigma.

9. Tony Curtis - the eyes, the hair, the way he wore those suits!

10. Ken Andrews - slurpilicious.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005


I have already written way more about Tom Cruise than I EVER intended to....but this is so funny, you guys. You gotta check it out. It takes about 3 or 4 minutes to load but be patient....the laughs you get will be your reward. If you're on dial-up...forget it. Or go cook yourself a gourmet meal while you wait for it to load.


HAHAHA!!! And the song is absolutely STUCK in my head!!!

Dear Tom:

We know that you know the history of psychiatry.....and that we don't!! We are especially acutely aware that you are the EXPERT in post-partum depression and that it doesn't actually exist. But Tom dear, what you are forgetting is that the history of the human race has already tried dealing with the non-existant psychiatric problems YOUR WAY, without medication. In fact, we dealt with it YOUR WAY for millions of years up until.......what? The fifties or sixties? And things weren't any better back then. And I'm going to back up my talk with some proof.

Tom darling, I submit for your approval an actual case that was tried at the Old Bailey, January 15, 1675. Anyone reading the link will agree with me that this poor woman who lived so long ago was suffering from an extreme case of Non-Existant Post-Partum Depression. And the Old Bailey jury exonerated the woman.


Now, if you bookmark this site (the site's a hoot, lots o' crime galore if you're a crime buff) and read through some of it, you will notice that most folks accused of crime back then were executed unless they were rapists. Did you steal a turnip? Hang 'em high! Did you steal a few linens? Burn 'em at the stake! But not this particular poor soul....they exonerated her! Even the bloodthirsty Old Baileyites were aware that the woman was suffering from SOMETHING.

Maybe the aliens were at their under-handed work of attempting to take over bodies way back in 1675?

Just a thought, Tom. Let me know what you think.


Monday, July 04, 2005


I was so glad to be free from work by Friday. Life is good!

But Friday night was a fiasco. Someone told Bitchard some gossip about Sparkle that WASN'T TRUE but Bitchard thought it was and there was a big argument and lots o' tears, followed by an almost immediate reconcilliation. I just kind of hung around on the sidelines and watched all the dramatics. But I participated in my fair share of drama when I was young so it didn't take long before I was weeping openly, remembering the past fiascos that happened to me back in the Young and The Restless Days.

To be honest, I'm less worried about Bitchard and Sparkle having an argument than I am worried about someone who CLAIMS to be her friend...spreading untruths that I can verify are untruths. I don't understand.

But anyway, everything ended well, so I dried my tears also and we ended up at the NC Museum of Natural Sciences on Saturday as planned. It was a really nice place....there were lots of dinosaurs, snakes, fishies, butterflies, birds, bunnies, turtles, sloths and such. I think I saw a few suspicious Scientologists but I can't be sure. Usually at museums there's always some overzealous tour guides wanting to come around and orate, but there were no people like that here. You were on your own, buddy. If you didn't know what something was.....well, you better look around till you found the information.....or just leave not knowing.

And guess what I forgot. My camera, of course, as usual. But you can look up all that nature stuff on the computer anyway....what I really wanted pictures of was some of the things I saw on the drive to and from the museum. Like....a doublewide trailer that was outfitted with fake logs to look like a log cabin. Woah. And then we saw a farmer in a field on his tractor....complete with overalls, straw hat and old red tractor. It was like seeing a cheesy movie or something. He looked for all the world just like this cartoon:

Bitchard told me I should get out of the city more often, and I guess he's right.

Friday, July 01, 2005


I can't remember when I started my blog. I moved all my early stuff to another file awhile back, which I promptly lost. But I seem to vaguely remember posting a picture of some fireworks last year....so its like, right around that time. The Planetary Birthday. And I'm going to celebrate by not blogging all weekend. Instead, I'm going to READ and make SMART-ASS comments on everyone else's blog, all weekend long. You all know who you are. You won't be safe from me this weekend.

I'm taking the kids (that means Sparkle and her fashion accesory, Bitchard) to the North Carolina Museum of Natural Sciences this weekend. And we're really excited. Hell, even the ex-husband said he might go. I'll be sure to let you know if any Scientologists are lurking about at the Science Museum. We might go to see some fireworks...and I'm sure we'll probably eat some kind of animal that's been grilled and stuffed in a bun at some point. Otherwise, I'm going to get CAUGHT UP on this stupid housework...and when I'm not doing that I'm going to be chilling out.

Because next week we have OVERTIME! Its like getting a long, cool drink of water after a month on the desert. OVERTIME.....that's time and a half! For doing what the hell they were going to pay me to do anyway...they just want it done quicker, so I get paid more! I plan to totally exploit it and work some insane hours next week. Everybody say YEAH! [yeah!]

So have a killer 4th of July weekend and leave the fireworks to the professionals and the pyros, kids.