I would have ruled this world too, if it weren't for you meddling kids!
Friday, March 31, 2006


I want to tell you about Christina.

Now I'm not talking about my adorable young friend
CHRISTINA or even the wonderful CHRISTINE who reminds me of Posh Spice. In fact, who knows if the Christina of which I speak even has a blog? The Christina of which I speak is so mysterious that I don't even know who she is!

Yet.....I do know her. I know so much about her.

Christina owes money. A lot of money. To several banks. Apparently Christina can sign her name on a credit card receipt but has a difficult time with paying the bills. I don't know what all Christina bought with this credit card money.....maybe she bought clothes or cool stuff for her house or maybe she just got cash advances to make ends meet. This knowledge is not for me to know....only that Christina has made banks very angry and collection agencies very frustrated.

I also happen to know that Christina has a lot of cheerful friends who are of Italian descent. Apparently though....these Italians are not her closest friends. The significance of the Italians has not yet been revealed to me.

But the biggest secret of all......somewhere out there.....in this great United States.....lives a Christina who needs to report to the local sheriff's office today.....Friday evening by 7:00 p.m.....and preferably 6:30 p.m, due to paperwork. Why does Christina need to go to the sheriff's office? Because Christina is going to have to pull two nights in jail this weekend. I know this because Christina's parole officer TOLD me!

And just how did I find out all these details of Christina's life? By purchasing a cell phone last month and having the misfortune of getting Christina's old telephone number. Apparently she couldn't pay the telephone bill, either. You wouldn't believe some of the kooky conversations I've had this past month. And when I try to explain that Christina doesn't live at this cell phone anymore, they all get an "uh huh yeah" type attitude, like I am trying to cover for her. And then they start saying "Well if you talk to her tell her that....." and then they proceed to reveal alarming amounts of Christina's personal business!!!!!

I keep expecting a call to come in...."Hi, this is Christina, have there been any calls for me?"

Christina dear, wherever you are out there, please try to get your life together. Declare bankruptcy and start over....a good lawyer can help with all of this. Get a job, pay your bills and try to save just a little bit each paycheck. I truly hope you will report to the Sheriff's office this evening to pay your debt to society. Oh yeah, and those Italian people really seem to care about you. You should let them know how to stay in touch with you. And your parole officer, too.

Good luck!

Thursday, March 30, 2006


I hereby interrupt this blog to pay tribute to someone special. He made a million people smile and he made me LOL before LOLing was cool! A truly talented comedian.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006


Okay, yesterday we learned all about how my Dad felt about Joan Baez....which led some of the commenters to pose the interesting question of how he felt about Jane Fonda.

Oh boy.

If Joan provoked hatred in my Dad, then the very concept of Jane Fonda could provoke murderous intent. My wicked old Stepmother (a.k.a WOSM) discouraged any kind of Vietnam War talk because he felt so strongly about this stuff that it could truly send him into a full-blown conniption after he'd talked about it for awhile.

We DID watch "On Golden Pond" together once on TV and when Jane was onscreen he turned to me and hissed "what you're seeing right now is a g.d. traitor to her country!" (Did I mention my Dad cussed a lot?)

I didn't understand it; I just knew there were certain women he loathed. I also knew that anything that could provoke the "g.d." word out of him was a conniption-trigger, so I just nodded and avoided the whole subject. All I cared about was keeping the peace. But when I finally took the time to educate myself on the subject.....then I understood.

Now I wasn't of a comprehending age when all the Jane Fonda problems went down.....so feel free to correct me if I'm wrong. But wasn't having Jane Fonda go to check on prisoners of war kind of like us sending Paris Hilton to check to how things are going over in Iraq? (Paris to Iraqi Terrorist: "Take off your veil! Oh you're HOT!") Jane never struck me as being anything but a body-image obsessed Hollywood brat. She stepped into the political arena because all the groovy people were doing it.....and with her family connections she could be the grooviest of them all. I don't think she had any idea what she was doing whatsoever and it blew up in her face in a big way.

Well, whatever the real deal was.....I sure wouldn't want to be her, then or now. There are people out there that would do a whole lot more than spit in her face, like that guy from awhile back did.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006


Much thanks to WORDNERD for triggering this subject in my brain with the title of one of her blog entries!

As you may or may not know, my father was a career cop. I guess he pretty much saw it all....or as much as you're going to see here in good ol' Durham NC, anyway. He hated a liar, a killer and/or a thief....but there are few people my Dad hated worse than Joan Baez. That little vein in his forehead would pop out a bit, his nostrils would quiver and his mouth became a hard line with no lips showing if you even brought her NAME up.


Turns out our friend Joan came to Duke University for some kind of student rally or lecture or something back in either the 60's or early 70's. And my Dad was one of the ones hired to provide security for Ms. Baez.

When the band struck up "The Star Spangled Banner" at the beginning of the gathering....Ms. Baez refused to stand.

I've often wondered what his reaction was at the moment it was happening. He was a professional.....but I also know how he was.....I bet his opinion was all over his face! I certainly know what his opinion was afterwards though.

Dad: She's nothing but a DAMN BITCH.
Wicked Stepmother: Honey! Stop talking like that!
Dad: Well its the truth. If the bitch can't stand up and acknowledge the country she lives in and the freedoms she has, she can damn well pack her bags and get on a plane out of here.
Wicked Stepmother: Honey please! Try to calm down!
Dad: *vein pops up, nostrils quiver, lips get squashed*

And this was 10 to 15 years or more after the fact!!!

He got all pissy because of this Bob Dylan album I owned:

Because he was convinced that was Joan Baez back there smoking a cigarette. He really busted a gut that day! Someone I managed to convince him it wasn't Joan Baez....and its NOT....but I still decided to keep the record over at my mother's house.

Parents. Sheesh!

Monday, March 27, 2006


I finally, finally got my entire CD collection loaded onto iTunes, which means it is now safely residing in my iPod. That took longer than I ever dreamed it would.....but its so worth it!!! Now I can move to my new job with my entire music collection there for the listening. Here's my final stats:

6298 songs are on my iPod
That's 17.1 straight days of music!
I have used 22.43 GB of space out of 60 GB. Plenty, plenty of space left.

Now, someone mentioned in my comments awhile back that they didn't get an iPod because people have had trouble with them breaking. Lemme tell you something, if my iPod breaks, Al Gore better have some iPod mechanics ready for doing repairs.....because somebody somewhere is going to be doing some serious repairing!!!!!

I start my new job April 3rd, so this is my last week of my current job. And its going to be a busy week, too. On Monday, Sparkle has a dentist appointment, so I'll be leaving a little bit early. On Wednesday, I have my eye exam, so I'm leaving at noon.....might as well, since I have to have my eyes dilated. Then Friday I'm leaving at noon....just because.

Hey and that reminds me.....I'm devastated because when I called to schedule my eye exam....I found out my super-hot eye doctor isn't working at the place anymore. I tried to locate him in the telephone book and I did find a number in Chapel Hill....but I was scared to call because he was so hot he might have advanced beyond routine eye exams for us doctor groupies in the lower astral plane. I'll find out the scoop when I go for my eye exam....I'll pry the whole story out of somebody. I have no problem with the concept of driving to Chapel Hill for an eye exam.........I'd drive quite a few miles to get eye-to-eye with that particular doctor.

Friday, March 24, 2006


I always get the last laugh, somehow or other. And I never have to say or do anything. In fact, I can be relaxing with a good book or slurping on pina coladas at Red Lobster......and out of the blue I am avenged....sevenfold!

After 7 years, numerous arguments and much resentment (especially on my part), my ex-boyfriend and I finally called it quits. That was a good thing.

But he meets some other girl and marries her like six months later.....proudly proclaiming to the world that "he's married now!" (Like any moron can't say "I Do" and sign some papers).

Immediately after the wedding, his new bride "gets laid off" from her job and "can only find part-time work". Ex-boyfriend is now left struggling hard to support his wife and her two kids on his meager salary.


And speaking of more great moments in the history of smirking.......I am well aware that Duke lost last night. Smirk away!!!
Have a good weekend and see ya on your blog if Blogger isn't being bitchy.

Thursday, March 23, 2006


What is wrong with Blogger? Its sucking really bad. If you have Blogger comments....well, I tried to comment on your blog. Its enough to make the preacher start cussing.

Here's a couple of things I wanted to share with you:

This is my Japanese maple from last week, when it was in full bloom. I don't think this photo really does justice to how pretty those tiny white/pink blossoms really were. Notice the pleasing curves of the branches. It made me want to put on a kimono and do a tea dance around it....and then go watch some anime.

And say hello to (yes) another new Fishie:

He is so beautiful. His full name is Fish E. Kins. This is the best picture I could get of him but he is my most beautiful fish yet. I love him!

Wednesday, March 22, 2006


No blog post for me. I went out to Red Lobster for dinner and I drank 3 pina coladas!!!!!! Which for anyone else would equal 12 beers or something like that. I notice the waiter didn't offer to bring a 4th one. They were good though, they remind me of suntan oil.

I'm going to bed.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006


After all these months of waiting, I found out that Johnny Depp's "The Libertine" was actually showing in a theater here in town. Holy crapola! Well, you know I was dead on it....and wanting to see it right that very minute! And obviously no one else on the planet wants to see a movie on a Monday night.....so I went by my-own-damn-self!

I have read plenty of press releases about "The Libertine"...so I knew exactly what I was getting myself into. It really wasn't a big surprise when I waltzed into the theater directly after work and the only people there was a group of gay men. They looked at me and I looked back at them.... and there were no secrets in that theater. We were all there to show our love for the Depp.

And it was so awesome. Johnny Depp was like, Mr. Super Hot Middle Ages Dude....and everybody wanted to do him....and he wanted to do everybody in return...and it was a big sex-a-palooza, with body parts everywhere and there was even a giant dildo burning in one scene. It was beautiful, wonderful and I loved every sordid minute.

That being said....I can't think of a single person I know that would have enjoyed this movie...besides me, that is. It's set in the 1600's, everyone is in pantaloons and stockings, and the most action is a really fast horse-drawn carriage. Well there was plenty of other action but you know what I mean. The plot was....not very important....and the main message of the movie was "Boy,
a massive case of syphilis sure works real good to help you calm down your wild and crazy lifestyle!"

This movie was Johnny Depp's artsy-fartsiest flick yet and you really need to be a die-hard fan to love it. But tonight, in Durham NC, there is one happy woman and a handful of happy gay men who totally got their Johnny Depp fix. Amen.

Friday, March 17, 2006


I want to thank everyone who spared me some good vibes and funny comments yesterday. It really worked......either that or I really DO have magical Dealing With Crazy Woman super-powers!!!! Everything went as well as I could have expected.

I began showing her how to do the report and she sighed, fidgeted and yawned through the whole thing. Then she stood up and announced she was going outside. This means she is going to go sneak a cigarette somewhere. And when she came back, her Other Personality had taken control of the Body. She was suddenly interested in the report, asking a few questions and we actually talked for about 10 minutes, talking just like normal people do!

And when she left, everyone else jumped up and said "SEE! You're the only one that can deal with her!" Apparently they had all been as anxious as I had been and had been listening to see what was going to happen.

Tomorrow could be a whole different story but I think the worst is over. Her training will be ongoing until I leave but she has at least SEEN what's expected of her and it will mostly be dealing with questions from here on out.

The positive vibes thing really does work. If you are ever going through a hard time, ask for others to send you some good thoughts. Maybe its all just a brainwash but I swear I can feel the positivity around me and its like I get energy from it.

Have a great weekend!!!!!!!! I'll be by your blog to check you out.

Thursday, March 16, 2006


Today my boss informed me that Crazy Woman is going to be taking over one of my reports when I leave for my new job. Apparently she's mad because other people got some promotions and now she wants extra responsibilities.

This means I have to TRAIN Crazy Woman. I just looked at my boss....and she's like "You have to do it. You're the only one that knows that report and you're the only one that can deal with her anyway."

I'm the only one who can deal with her???? Since when did I acquire that reputation? One of my friends pointed out that I am the only one who's never had an outright conflict with her. Well, it wasn't because the conflict didn't EXIST....I just internalized it...and blogged about it. Apparently blogging works better than I ever dreamed because everyone seems to think I have magical Crazy-Woman-dealing-with powers.

I have to TRAIN this obnoxious thing. This is going to be like training an unmedicated Tourette's victim how to behave in a Baptist church.

THURSDAY IS GONNA REALLY SUCK!! Please send me kind thoughts today.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006


I had the unique pleasure of being in Chapel Hill on Saturday....on Franklin Street.....when UNC *ahem* lost to Boston College. I wasn't there because of the game but because Sparkle and I had some CD buying to do. But anyway....UNC lost the game....and Franklin Street was quite subdued as the students left the bars. However, just because they lost the game doesn't mean that serious beer drinking hadn't occurred. Here is an actual conversation Sparkle and I heard on the way to the car:

BOY 1: I reeeeallly wanna run backwards.
BOY 2: Don't do it, dude. Remember what happened last time you ran backwards.
BOY 1: [dejectedly] Yeah. Dude man, there really ought to be a way you could....you know....run backwards....you know....
BOY 2: Safely?
BOY 1: YEAH! I don't understand why we're not capable of backwards seeing....

At this point we were at the car, where I promptly informed Sparkle that I was driving. Now whether this was the effects of alcohol or if this just illustrates the average mentality of a UNC student is debatable. Regardless, the thought of sharing the road with these guys made me nervous.

I still was very curious about what happened the last time he ran backwards though. It could make a great short story.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006


I recently completed a book called Death: A History of Man's Obsessions and Fears by Robert Wilkins. It goes through some of the subjects we all think about at some point and explains them in great detail: pain at death, being buried alive, grave-robbing, cremation, dissection, tombs, etc. etc. The best part is there's lots n' lots of mummies and stuff like that.

Mummies rock! Bad teeth and all!

But anyway, all of this has me thinking of my own mortality and what I would like to happen when I die. I spent long hours thinking it over and here is some of the things I came up with:
1. I don't want to have a big elaborate funeral. My own mother's funeral was a bare essentials-type affair and it cost a small fortune. Hell, I'd much rather not have all that crap and then Sparkle will have a nice healthy life insurance payment for her very own.
2. I don't want a "funeral home viewing", chapel service or graveside service. No limos, no flowers, no creepy goth funeral home dudes waiting at the door to greet people with just the right amount of friendliness and sympathy.
3. I want to be cremated. I want my ashes scattered at sea, the ocean I love. Or perhaps the woods by the river where I spent so much of my youth.
4. A memorial service to take place after the initial "mourning" period would be okay, as long as they serve lots of beer and play music I like no matter how crazy it makes everyone. I think a ceremonial eating of Spaghettios (with Meatballs) would top everything off nicely and be a fitting memorial.

So I inform Sparkle of my final wishes and looks at me incrediously. WHAAAAAT? She had two words........No. Way.

According to Sparkle, I must be buried. Why? Because if I'm cremated and scattered at sea, then I'll be fish food. And not only that but the ocean is "nasty". And rotting underground in a coffin is less nasty? Yes, because they embalm you and your body is preserved. WRONG. I now know from reading my handy-dandy book that embalming is done to preserve you only long enough to get your ass in the ground. If you want to be preserved forever, you need to see someone in Egypt......if they even remember HOW to do mummies.

Sparkle tells me that if that is the case, then I must be buried and rot underground.....because otherwise she won't have a grave to visit. Yeah, she won't have a grave to visit maybe 5 or 6 times in her entire life, if that. So she can stand there mournfully for 3 and a half minutes and then get back in the car and leave. Sparkle counter-argues that it beats standing on the beach, gawking out to sea and contemplating my new existence as fish food.

And finally Sparkle completes her argument by informing me that OF COURSE there will be the full array of funerary services.....because there is no WAY she is going to be denied all the attention and sympathy she is going to receive from the general public. Your mother only dies once, after all. Its an important social event, a time to wear the latest mourning fashions and dab at one's tears daintily while basking in the supportive circle of love that friends and relatives provide (while secretly hating you because you look so hot in that designer black dress).

We are at an impasse. I don't know what to do. I won't be alive to defend myself. My carcass is going underground to rot whether I like it or not, my spirit eternally trapped in a box.

However, something tells me Girlfriend will change her mind once a funeral home totals the figures for her.

Monday, March 13, 2006
Breastfeeding 101


When a woman has a baby, it is the most beautiful thing in the world. When she chooses to breastfeed the baby, it is a monumental decision that everyone would agree is in the best interest of the child's nutritional future. However, along with the decision to breastfeed comes certain....etiquettes....that you really should consider.

Now as far as I'm concerned, you can flop your boobs out any-old-where and feed your baby. It doesn't bother me and hey....I have boobs myself....and mine probably look better than yours anyway....so a couple of boobs hanging around that are accomplishing something productive is a good thing and I'm not intimidated.

However, not everyone feels the same way I do......most especially the guys. Seriously....do not flop your boob out in public and make all the guys turn green. If the baby needs to be fed, keep plenty of blankets handy so you can discreetly feed the child. The guys might know what you are doing but they have no reason to feel uncomfortable.

No one really wants to hear about your adventures in breast pumping....especiallly about how the pump malfunctioned and breast milk was backing up into the tubes, all frothy and shit. I was turning green over that one.

It is highly improper to inform everyone in a business meeting that your baby loves breastfeeding, and has started getting rough while feeding.....and how much you just love it!!!! This causes most everyone who understands English to feel extremely uncomfortable. Its just TOO MUCH INFORMATION, 'kay? I'm sure it was a touching mother/baby moment, but you just had to be there. Or not. In the meantime, all the guys present have fainted.

In closing, the key to sucessful breastfeeding is discretion. Enjoy this part of your life. Just spare the rest of us the gory details.

Friday, March 10, 2006


I want to issue a public apology to those of you that I was complaining I couldn't comment on your blogs because of the word verification. It wasn't the word verification......as you probably suspected all along, the problem was me. I hereby issue you a very public "I'm Sorry". No, I'm not going to tell you what I was doing wrong because it is something so profoundly stupid, so incredibly imbecilic, that I would never be able to log onto the internets again without hearing something like:
GREG: "You might want to think about getting a license to operate that computer."
WORDNERD: "Tsk, tsk!"
STEW: "Ahahahahahaha.....*SNORT*......ahahahahahahaha!"

Forget it. "I'm SORRY!" That's all you're getting out of me.

Thanks everyone for all the nice things you said about me getting a promotion. I actually start my new job on April 3, so I have plenty of time to wrap everything up. Its gonna be a blast.

How did Crazy react? Its hard to say because a day or two before my promotion was announced, she had a breakdown. Why? Because she got her hair done and things didn't turn out very well. Her hair is short and she got a poodle perm...which was bad enough....but the perm chemicals didn't mesh very well with her hair color...and its sort of orange. Okay, its REAL orange.

Its the same color orange as this scooter.

So all this had a bad effect on her and she just confines herself to her cubicle and mutters. I'm not kidding. Its a low gutteral mutter and she only does it every once in awhile. Then when someone speaks to her she'll make a "joke" that really isn't funny and then laugh extremely loud. She laughed herself to tears because one girl didn't understand something she was reading. The girl was reading it, not Crazy. So yeah, I would call it inappropriate laughter. News of my promotion didn't seem to bring on any new mutters or laughter and her skin stayed the same color orange. I honestly think she's had a semi-psychotic break. The other girl getting a promotion and then the hair fiasco seems to have sent her over the edge or something. But hey, she's still doing her work and she isn't hurting anyone.....yet...... so I guess its all good.

I'm so ready to NOT sit beside her any more though.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006


I wrote a new song! This one sounds just like something Dean Martin would sing. (For you younger folk, it sounds just like something Dino Spumoni from Hey Arnold! would sing.) And it goes a little something like this:

[orchestra intro, jazzy drumbeat]

I! [saxophone blast] Got a pro-mo-tion!
I! [saxophone blast] Got a pro-mo-ho-ho-tion!
I! [saxophone blast] Got a promoooootion....
Oh baby....[drums] WHOO!

Repeat ad nauseaum

Dino Spumoni - "who loves ya, baby?"

Tuesday, March 07, 2006


Here's an iPod update. I have been furiously loading my music onto iTunes and transferring the music to my iPod. I've been doing at least a little bit every day....and that's why I haven't been doing many pictures lately, because loading my CDs slows my system down quite a bit. However, it is sooooo worth it....and I predict I'll be done by next weekend. Here's my figures right now, as I am typing this:
I have 3,368 songs loaded
That's 9.3 days of continuous music.
And I've only used 12.21 gigs of space....out of 60 gigs.
THAT'S TOTALLY INSANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Even more insane, I still have about 5 stacks of CDs to load. I can't decide which is crazier, the size of my CD collection or the fact that a hand-size device exists that can hold the whole thing easily. I am predicting that I'll get the entire CD collection (minus a few duds that I own) loaded at under 20 gigs. I'LL BE DEAD BEFORE I EVER FILL THIS THING UP!!!!!!!!

If you really really love music and need it all the time, you NEED an iPod.

Monday, March 06, 2006


Here is a meme-type thing I got from Judy's blog. I haven't done one like this in a long time so here goes:

All you ever wanted to know about Brenda - but were afraid to ask...(or just didn't care!)

Put an x in the parentheses for those things you have done in your life:

(X) Smoked a cigarette
(X) Drank so much you threw up
(X) Crashed a friend's car (my mother's car...when I was old enough to know better! I'm telling you, the woman was a saint!)
(X) Been dumped.
( ) Been laid off/fired
(X) Quit your job
(X) Been in a fist fight
(X) Snuck out of your parent's house
(X ) Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
( ) Been arrested?
(X) Gone on a blind date (And wished I were blind!)
(X) Lied to a friend.
( X) Skipped school
(X) Seen someone die
( ) Been to Canada
( ) Been to Mexico
(X) Been on a plane
(X) Been lost
(X) Been on the opposite side of the country
(X) Gone to Washington, DC
(X) Swam in the ocean (and I
Swim At My Own Risk! )
(X) Felt like dying

(X) Cried yourself to sleep
(X) Played cops and robbers
(X) Recently colored with crayons (Blog artwork)
(X) Sang karaoke (but never publicly)
(X) Paid for a meal with only coins
(X) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? (Ha ha, I refuse to elaborate)
(X) Made prank phone calls (In the Golden Age before Caller ID)
(X) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(X) Caught a snowflake on your tongue.
(X) Danced in the rain
(X) Written a letter to Santa Claus
(X) Been kissed under the mistletoe
(X) Watched the sun rise with someone you care about or love
(X) Blown bubbles
(X) Made a bonfire on the beach
(X) Crashed a party (Yes! yes! Good times!)
(X) Gone roller-skating
( ) Ice-skating

Any nicknames? "Dollar General" because my desk at work is like a mini-drugstore.
Mother's name? Euna Mae
What is your favorite drink? Pepsi, but I can't drink it without feeling guilty about sugar content
Tattoos? A yellow rose and music note on my shoulder, a seahorse on my ankle and a tiny butterfly on my left hand.
Body piercing? 3 earholes
How much do you love your job (1-10) About an 8
Birth Place? Dublin, NC
Favorite vacation spot? Topsail Island, NC
Ever steal any traffic signs? Heck yes!!!!
A, B, C, D, DD cup size? I'm a C
2 Door or 4 Door? Mine's a 4 door
Salad dressing? Either Thousand Island or Honey Mustard
Favorite pie? Apple pie but only if my sister made it.
Favorite movie? Anything Johnny Depp, but you already knew that.
Favorite food? Lobster
Favorite Holiday? Halloween!
Favorite day of the week? Any day but Sunday night
Favorite brand of body soap? Dove
Toothpaste? Sensodyne (so my teeth don't get sensitive)
Smell? Honeysuckle in the spring
What do you do to relax? Read
How do you see yourself in 10 years? Basking in perfection, as I will have found a way to solve all of my problems by then.
What do you do when you are bored? Lots of internet and daydreaming.

If you are brave enough, you may feel free to copy this. If you do, let me know so I can read it.

Friday, March 03, 2006


Here in my section of the South, the furor over Saturday night's Duke/Carolina basketball game has reached unprecedented heights. The Superbowl was nothing compared to this.

The tension has been building all week. Practical jokes are being played on one another constantly....with the ending butt of the joke being something to do with either dark blue or light blue. Everyone's weekend is centered around where they are going to be on Saturday night at 9:00. Kegs are being ordered just as fast as people can get the money together....and I'm sure the pizza companies are having to truck in emergency dough supplies.

And everywhere, people are hatin' on each other in that special way only basketball fans can do. Don't even try saying you don't care who wins...or (God forbid) that you don't like basketball. If you sit on the fence, we'll choose your favorite team for you!

March madness, indeed. Its freaking crazy and we all belong in an institution....but its good clean fun.....the most fun you can have east of the Mississippi without getting arrested. And I bet some folks out there will get arrested before all is said and done.


Thursday, March 02, 2006


Hi guys. Its been a crazy week and I haven't had time for much. I didn't get a chance to write last night, so I am going to post this tribute to my Dad that I've been working on for awhile. I was going to post pictures of him and edit this a little bit....but here it is in all its unedited glory. And its kind of funny in the context of my Monday religious post too!!!!

My Dad, who passed away in 1998, believed in God....yet the Devil had a special place in his life too. Here's a few examples.

When I was about 3 or 4 years old, the family took a trip to the mountains. We were cruising the Blue Ridge Parkway at night when something went wrong with the car. He grabbed his flashlight and popped the hood to check it out. The girls waited patiently in the car for awhile but I started getting antsy, so my mother let me out to watch what he was doing. I went up to the front of the car and stood quietly. He was fiddling around underneath there when suddenly his flashlight began to fade. He grabbed it, shook it, and the light came back strong. Then it immediately began fading out. Impatiently he grabbed it and shook it again. It came back strong and began to slowly fade. Suddenly, in a fit of pure hot-head anger, he grabs that flashlights, yells in frustration "GO TO HELL!" and chunks the flashlight over the side of the mountain as hard as he could throw it....down into the never-ending blackness below.

Frightened by the outburst, I went crying and screaming back to my mother. She opened the door and said "What's wrong honey?" and I cried "Daddy threw our flashlight to the Devil!!!!" All I remember hearing after that was a whole lot of laughter. Since then, whenever a household appliance dies, it is customary for family members to announce "Its about time to throw that thing to the Devil!"

But Dad had a relationship with the Devil long before I came along....and when he was a rookie cop with the Durham Police Department, he actually got publicity for it.

He was a brand-new cop and riding his first late night-shift with a veteran. Their first call of the night was from a frantic old woman who had opened her front door and her little dog got loose (this was 50 years ago, folks, in the South....people called the cops over things like that). So Dad and the veteran grab their flashlights and head next door to the cemetary calling for the dog....who had the unfortunate name of "Devil".

"Here Devil! Come here, Devil!"

Shortly thereafter about 5 more cop cars show up....due to the numerous phone calls from neighboring houses who reported that strange men were lurking in the graveyard invoking the presence of the Devil.

Big laughs were had by all and one of the cops even reported it to the newspaper, so a small humor blurb made the next evening edition. I would take a picture of the article for you but unfortunately my sister has it.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006


My pictures may be down for awhile today.

Ryan at the Monkey Trauma Center recently wrote a blog posting about how the "Greaser" fashion seems to be coming back into vogue. You gotta be kidding, right?

Everyone knows the Greaser look was the thing in the 1950's. But the look also resurfaced for a very short time in the late 1970's when the movie "Grease" was released.

Prior to release, "Grease" was hyped just as hard as Star Wars is in this day and time....maybe hyped harder! It was advertised on TV every second. So, of course, I just had to go. I am guessing I was about 13 years old.

The movie follows the emotional turmoil of Sandy, a young and pure teenager who falls for Danny, an incorrigible Greaser. They would get together and something stupid would happen, so they'd break apart. You thought they would never get it together. But finally Sandy decides she is going to make that move and get what she wants out of life....and she's going to get her man! And how does she accomplish this? SIMPLE!


And all of her dreams come true.

And girls all over the country adapted this as their life motto and still live by it now. Problems at home? Become a slut! Getting nowhere in your job? Become a slut! Want to win friends and influence people? You guessed it....become a slut!