I would have ruled this world too, if it weren't for you meddling kids!
Friday, April 20, 2007


I accompanied Sparkle to Taco Bell since it was getting rather late and I didn't want her out alone. There we were in the drive-thru. 10 minutes later, we were still in the drive-thru. 10 minutes after that, we were still in the drive-thru. There was no escape, other than driving up on the curb and plowing through the lawn. I didn't have a problem with that, but Sparkle was driving and I'm not sure she has enough driving experience to pull off a good "driving up the curb, tearing up the grass" getaway.

The natives were getting restless, too. One guy behind us had started screaming "WTF?!" out of his window at regular intervals. That was making me nervous. What could I do?

I got on the cell phone and dialed directory assistance and got hooked up with Taco Bell. The phone rang at least 40 times. I figured "what the hell" because if they don't mind leaving us to die in their drive-thru, I don't mind getting on their last nerve by letting their phone ring. Finally a lady answers and I was extremely nice. Southern nice. Quite professional.

"Um, yes, I'm sitting in your drive-thru right now, and we've been here for about 25 minutes, and I was wondering if you could provide a time frame of when we could expect to be served?"


"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" I hear her turn around and begin SCREAMING at her employees.
"MANUEL, WHAT ARE DOING? WHA- WHAT- WHAT THE HELL?" She gets back on the telephone. "Ma'am I am so sorry, the line is getting ready to move right now"
Me: "OK, that's cool, we just wanted to make sure you were okay."
Sparkle: "Oh yeah, right, that's such a lie, Mom!"
But the line moved.
After the first car finally pulled away, the second car pulled away right behind it. I'm guessing they were murderously angry and figured it was best to just get the hell out of there. The third car gets up there....and I'm not sure what happened, just some angry voices. Then an arm comes out the window, waves money temptingly at the server, and drives away.
Meanwhile, behind us, Mr. Angry yells "WTF!?" again.
The next car was us. You should have seen those people scurrying to get us served. But we were cool, didn't say anything to them.
I felt a lot of pain for those employees that were going to have to deal with Mr. WTF, though.

I'm thinking its about time to give Sparkle some "driving up the curb, tearing up the grass" getaway lessons.


Thursday, April 19, 2007


Must blog. MUST BLOG.

Some childhood food favorites you never get over. Here are mine:

And who can ever forget this?


Tuesday, April 17, 2007


No blog today. Please remember and pray for the Virginia Tech victims and families.


Monday, April 16, 2007


I finished a painting this weekend. It took me forever to figure out what I wanted to do but here's the end result:

It is a reflection of what the weather was like this weekend. I call this "Acid Rain" or maybe I'll call it "Color Storm".


Saturday, April 14, 2007


Once I asked a person why we never got togther anymore, were we still friends? And this person tells me that they were uncomfortable with a friendship where everything was so laid back. This person said that they could sense that no matter what, there was nothing they could ever do to make me not care about them anymore! And gave the example that if Monica Lewinsky had been my personal friend, I would probably still be standing there defending her! WTH, man? Of course I would have stood by ol' Monica, even though she was being super-slutty, a freaking dingbat, and using tobacco tampons to boot! I guess everyone else would have deserted Monica when the going got tough? Well I guess they did desert her, actually. I thought friendship was supposed to be forever basically, and that you stand by your friends and love them even if they are the biggest screw-ups ever. Maybe you don't agree with something a friend did, but you still support them as a friend.

I swear to God, I think I grew up reading too many Little House on the Prarie books, and I know I watched way too many Andy Griffith episodes. I drank all that friendship and loyalty and honesty crap in and believed every bit of it. And it has caused me no end of heartbreak in my adult life. My mother really should have monitored my media intake a little bit better.

I mean, if you prefer to have friends that are going to run at the first sign of choppy waters, then I guess that's cool, but I guess we probably shouldn't be friends. I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable.


Thursday, April 12, 2007


I don't know what to write about today....so here's a few pictures to stimulate your brain cells:

A kitty playing an invisible piano:

I'm sure they are kidding about this being a new game:

Keanu Reeves: sometimes you just gotta let it all out, ya know?

Steve Irwin, having a ball inspecting the world of the Afterlife:

And then there's this guy......


Wednesday, April 11, 2007


Have you ever heard anyone say "It feels like I didn't even sleep last night", and you just figure they didn't get enough sleep? Well, it happened to me for real this morning.

I snapped into consciousness and the clock was buzzing....6:00 a.m. No way. My eyes weren't even hungover with sleep. I never slept. I sat up and looked out the window. Darkness. Something was wrong with that damned clock, it was supposed to go off at 5:00 a.m. I padded into the living room to check the clock there. 6:00 a.m.

I was in total denial. I never slept! How could it possibly be 6:00 a.m.? I was feeling seriously scared and confused. I had not dreamt at all. Apparently I was hitting the snooze on the clock with absolutely no trigger to my conscious mind. It was the strangest feeling ever. I went to bed and went to the Twilight Zone, obviously. Finally I was able to convince myself that everything was okay and it was just some fluke and that I must have slept.

Is this kind of thing normal? Has it ever happened to you?


Tuesday, April 10, 2007


I got to work a little later than usual this morning and missed out on the Ultra Primo secrion parking space I usually get. However, I was able to snag a space under a tree in the Quite Adequate section of the parking lot with no problem, so everything was great.

Until time to go home this evening!!!! I get out to my car, and Jesus H. Christ, every frickin' bird in town must have landed in that tree today and took a POOP! I'm not just complaining about some bird poop here, I mean the entire front of my car was SMOTHERED in shit! You would have never guessed my car was green if the front of my car was all you could see. I thought for a second it was a practical joke, but the person parked across from me had gotten it just as bad. Please believe me when I tell you, I have never seen a poop fiasco like this in my entire life. There was poop piled on poop. It was all over the windshield. And the sun had baked it on solid. I was in tears.

This is close, real close. I seriously think mine was a little worse.

I started the car and turned on the windshield wiper and fluid. OH. MY. GOD. It was so horrible. Some pieces were not going to be moved, and the rest just smeared. I was finally able to get a section clear so I could at least see where I was going. I called Sparkle to let her know I was going to be late and headed straight for the car wash.

I put the quarters in and started blowing shit everywhere. Some of it would not budge. I had to hold the spray wand at full pressure mere centimeters from the poop before some of it would blow off of there. One poop pile at a time.

How long did it take me to wash my car? Close to an hour. How much did it cost me to wash my car? $12.75.

Have you noticed that I seem to be having a lot of animal problems lately? Squirrels, cats, mice, rabbits and birds. I feel as if Pan has put a curse on me. I'm finally paying the price for hitting that rabbit awhile back.

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Thursday, April 05, 2007


I love this man. I know I should be appalled, but I'm not. It has gone way past appalling. Once you hit certain lows in life, people reverse their opinions and actually begin to love you for your low-lifedness. How can you not love a man who should have been dead 40 years ago?

Anyway, the latest is that during a recent interview, Mr. Keith Richards stated that after his father was cremated, he got some of the ashes, mixed them with his drugs, and snorted them up.

It was a joke, it wasn't true. However, many news agencies reported it, and the funniest part is everybody believed it! It never crossed my mind that he was having a good laugh on us all, I automatically believed it, because he's just that crazy.

Shine on you crazy diamond!!!


Wednesday, April 04, 2007


One of my happiest days was a trip to the mountains with a group of friends long ago. We camped on property a friend of mine owned. There was a cabin shell there but no electricity, running water, etc....so we just pitched the tents in the front "yard" and the cabin was only used if bad weather hit. Which it didn't.

It was so pretty and we fished and swam in the river and all sorts of outdoorsy things. I was floating on my back and floated away from the group and I didn't even care. I was even thinking I might just float further down by myself just to see what was down-river. I floated and stared at the sun and the leaves and at the huge boulder I was headed towards. Everything was so great, things couldn't get any better.

Until I got to the boulder and looked up. Spiders. BIG black spiders, all over that rock. I bet there were 300 to 400 spiders, did I mention BIG ASS spiders, all over that rock. This is what they looked like:

I bet people with sharks after them don't swim as fast as I did away from that rock. It cured me of my explorative streak....either with people or alone.


Monday, April 02, 2007


You won't find people singing songs like this about George Bush 200 years from now!