I would have ruled this world too, if it weren't for you meddling kids!
Thursday, June 29, 2006
THE ONE WORD SURVEY

Brendalove@gmail.com

WORDNERD posted it first. I am copying her. I think she might file a lawsuit but....here it is anyway!

The one-word survey:


1. Yourself: Annoyed
2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend: Next!
3. Your hair: Good
4. Your Mother: Deceased.
5. Your Father: Also.
6. Your Favorite Item: iPod!
7. Your dream last night: Axl Rose (ewww!)
8. Your Favorite Drink: Pepsi (forbidden)
9. Your Dream Home: Island
10. The Room You Are In: Air-conditioning!
11. Ummm...seems to be missing. I guess this survey doesn't go to 11?
12. Your fear: heights.
13. Where you Want to be in Ten Years? Ashes
14. Who you hung out with last night: kids
15. What You're Not: dumb
16. Your Best Friends: Imaginary
17. One of Your Wish List Items: Money
18. Your Gender:Female
19. The Last Thing You Did: Email
20. What You Are Wearing: Cell Phone
21. Your favorite weather: clear
22. Your Favorite Book?



23.Last thing you ate? tuna salad
24. Your Life:Endangered
25. Your mood: Bitchy
26. The last person you talked to on the phone: Boss
27. Who are you thinking about right now? Dave Chappelle



Wednesday, June 28, 2006
LLAMA PORN WILL HAPPEN, BE PATIENT

brendalove@gmail.com

I get back from vacation and already everything is mass chaos.

Work = chaos
Everything else = chaos

Sparkle went to the Warped Tour today. She got to meet the band Aiden and was really excited about that. I wouldn't have minded seeing AFI but I was way too busy balancing the entire world on my shoulders.

Regarding Llama Porn......Sparkle says she can make all that become something you can view. She's going to have to deal with it, number one because I don't have time, number two I don't know how, number three I have my doubts as to the moral value of spreading Llama Porn. I don't think the video should show......you know.....actual penetration, do you?

However, the whole situation makes the Napolean Dynamite movie quote
"TINA, COME GET YOUR HAM!" ten thousand times more hilarious than it was before.



Tuesday, June 27, 2006
THE BEACH

Brendalove@gmail.com

I'm back you guys! We had a great time. However, thanks to Sparkle....I don't have any actual pictures of the beach! I'll explain a little later. But for now....I am dedicating my beach trip images to MARKUS AT SWIM AT YOUR OWN RISK

OMG! A gift shop we just can't refuse!

Here's the front of the gift shop.

Sparkle swam at her own risk and was immediately made lunch:

Her final view of the world:

We entered a shark wonderland....I could have spent a lot of money on you, Markus!
Random sharks were everywhere:

The best beach towel ever?

Or maybe this one is the best!

This was a very cute shirt:

But THIS shirt was da bomb! Glow in The Dark Action, Too!

And a hat to complete the ensemble:

Meanwhile, Sparkle had totally gone nuts:

"My Daughter Was A Teenage Shark"

Surf at your own risk:


So we left the gift shop and headed to the zoo. Check it out!!!
"So whatcha doin'?"

"Nothing, dude. Just hanging around...waiting to eat someone."

"Noooo.....tell me you're kidding!"

Stating the obvious, but they don't say WHAT KIND:

Awww....my favorite!

Sparkle befriends a cute little bunny (so she can devour it with her shark teeth later):

Sharks were everywhere, even on the walls:

OMG! SHAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRKKK!!!!!!

Everyone was upset over the sharks:

Except for this guy....he's as mean as a shark!

So here's what ended up happening. See those llamas in the background of the last picture? Well, as soon as I snapped the pic of the mean-ass ostrich, the llamas decided it was time to have sex. Sparkle had a fit and had to use the filming part of the digital camera to record Llama Porn. This used up all the camera's memory and I had no space left for actual pictures of the beach. But we have Llama Porn!



Friday, June 23, 2006
THE BEACH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Brendalove@gmail.com

By the time all youse guys read this, Sparkle and I shall be on our way to the beach!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I haven't been in so long it seems like, I can't wait to get away and hear some waves crashing. However I have been reading MARKUS' BLOG for waaaaaay too long now and I'm really scared to swim in the ocean now, for really real. My big dream would be to capture some shark on film just for him and who knows? It could happen! Otherwise, I'm chillin' by the pool!

I promise some (hopefully) good photographs of interesting things as I can never truly rest when I'm at the beach. There's too much NATURE out there!

And speaking of nature, some of you might be interested to know what happened during my daily exercise session on Tuesday. I was walking and my leg was annoying me. Finally it came into my conscious mind that HEY! My leg is really annoying me! So I look down in time to see blood gushing from my calf. Holy crap! Luckily I had my water bottle with me so I got myself cleaned up and you could tell some insect had bitten me and scored plenty of blood. Well. The spot continued to grow and grow and it got very red, hot feeling and infected looking. Outside of the big red section is totally bruised. It got to where just standing on my leg was causing a stinging pain. I ended up going to the doctor today and had to be put on an antibiotic. The doctor said it was either a spider or I had a bad reaction to a horsefly. If it was a spider, thank GOD I didn't see it or I would have died from a heart attack! The good news is that I should live through this. [applause]

Okay I won't be back until Monday afternoon which means you won't have a blog entry till Tuesday! I'll try to find some good stuff to take pictures of!
OKAY LOVE YA BUH-BYE!!!!!



Thursday, June 22, 2006
GO ON, ADMIT IT

Brendalove@gmail.com


WHEN WE GIRLS DRINK TOO MUCH............

1. WE HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE OUR PURSE IS.

2. WE BELIEVE THAT DANCING WITH OUR ARMS OVERHEAD AND WIGGLING OUR BUTT WHILE YELLING "WOO-HOO!" IS TRULY THE SEXIEST DANCE MOVE AROUND.

3. WE'VE SUDDENLY DECIDED THAT WE WANT TO KICK SOMEONE'S ASS AND HONESTLY BELIEVE WE COULD DO IT TOO.

4. IN OUR LAST TRIP TO PEE, WE REALIZE THAT WE NOW LOOK MORE LIKE A HOMELESS HOOKER THAN THE GODDESS WE WERE JUST FOUR HOURS AGO

5.WE START CRYING AND TELLING EVERYONE WE SEE THAT WE LOVE THEM SOOOOOMUCH.

6. WE GET EXTREMELY EXCITED AND JUMP UP AND DOWN EVERY TIME A NEW SONG PLAYS BECAUSE "OH MY GOD! I LOVE THIS SONG!"

7. WE'VE FOUND A DEEPER/SPIRITUAL SIDE TO THE GEEK SITTING NEXT TO US.

8 . WE'VE SUDDENLY TAKEN UP SMOKING AND BECOME REALLY GOOD AT IT.

9. WE YELL AT THE BARTENDER, WHO WE BELIEVE CHEATED US BY GIVING US JUST LEMONADE, BUT THAT'S JUST BECAUSE WE CAN NO LONGER TASTE THE GIN.

10. WE THINK WE ARE IN BED, BUT OUR PILLOW FEELS STRANGELY LIKE THE KITCHEN FLOOR (or the mop?)

11. WE FAIL TO NOTICE THAT THE TOILET LID'S DOWN WHEN WE SIT ON IT.

12. WE TAKE OUR SHOES OFF BECAUSE WE BELIEVE IT'S THEIR FAULT THAT WE'RE HAVING PROBLEMS WALKING STRAIGHT.



Tuesday, June 20, 2006
MEXICANS MIA

Brendalove@gmail.com

About 2 to 3 years ago, some bulldozers showed up in my neighborhood and plowed down the woods across the street from my house and built a cute little new house and a young Mexican family moved in. There was Mr. Mexican, Ms. Mexican and the adorable Baby Mexican. They seemed like good people and fairly well-to-do but I never got a chance to meet them because when I was outside and tried to make eye contact to start a conversation, they would never look at me. I would just stand there in my driveway and they would never look up....KNOWING I was standing there. I soon accepted the fact that I didn't exist and kept on living.

They were pretty good neighbors, only occasionally blasting their accordian music. They had another Baby Mexican after awhile. My only real complaint is that sometime around Halloween, Mr. Mexican would morph into Mr. Christmas Enthusiast and their whole yard would just be one great big flashing Christmas light.....which would eventually be removed by February. Yeah, that bothered me.

But things weren't always kosher for the Mexican Family. Mr. and Mrs. fought, a lot. He would always get mad and jump into the SUV, spinning gravel and dust everywhere (I live on a dirt road remember) and that happened more than just a couple of times.

About 2 weeks ago, I noticed in an abstract sort of way that the Mexicans had been neglecting their lawn. That was VERY unlike them. I figured they were on vacation or something because I hadn't seen the Baby Mexicans playing outside. Then last Saturday Mr. Mexican got out there and mowed the grass. I didn't think a thing about it.

And now......they're gone. There's a For Sale sign. Nobody seems to know what happened but I did find out that Mrs. Mexican and the Babies left about the time the grass started being neglected. The only thing left over there now is one lone Christmas wreath on one of the windows....and no, I'm NOT kidding.

I think the parents split up but who knows? Now they are all gone and I can't help but wish that good things happen for them and good times are in their future.

I wonder who will move over there now? I ask this with both excitement and a hell of a lot of anxiety. Whoever it is, I hope they have a high blogability factor.



Monday, June 19, 2006
MUSLIM-PALOOZA

Brendalove@gmail.com

Okay, normally I am able to make my own mind up about most things but with this one I am having a bit of trouble and could really use your advice. Please read the email below that was sent to me by a real person (who obviously doesn't know about my blog):


Subject: muslims

Can Good Muslims be Good Americans? Can a devout Muslim be an American patriot and a loyal citizen? Consider this:


Theologically, no. Because his allegiance is to Allah, the moon god ofArabia.

Scripturally, no. Because his allegiance is to the five pillars of Islamand the Quran (Koran).

Geographically, no. Because his allegiance is to Mecca, to which he turns in prayer five times a day.

Socially, no. Because his allegiance to Islam forbids him to make friends with Christians or Jews.Politically, no. Because he must submit to the mullah (spiritual leaders), who teach annihilation of Israel and destruction of America,the great Satan.

Domestically, no, because he is instructed to marry four women and beat and scourge his wife when she disobeys him (Quran 4:34).

Religiously, no. Because no other religion is accepted by his Allah except Islam (Quran, 2:256)

Intellectually, no, because he cannot accept the American Constitution since it is based on Biblical principles and he believes the Bible to be corrupt.

Philosophically, no, because Islam, Mohammed, and the Quran do not allow freedom of religion and expression. Democracy and Islam cannot co-exist.Every Muslim government is either dictatorial or autocratic.

Spiritually, no, because when we declare "one nation under God," the Christian's God is loving and kind, while Allah is NEVER referred to as our heavenly father, nor is he ever called love in the Quran's 99 excellent names.

Therefore after much study and deliberation....perhaps we should be very suspicious of ALL MUSLIMS in this country. They obviously cannot be both good Muslims and good Americans. Call it what you wish...it's still the truth. The war is bigger than we know.

P.S. Unless you pass this email on to at least 10 people in 10 minutes, then 10 Muslims will gang up on you and beat you senseless.

Just kidding on that P.S. you guys. I made that one up. LOL!

So...... umm.....what do YOU think? When I first read it I was astounded at the sheer mean-ness of it all. I LOL'ed at the "no other religion is accepted by his Allah except Islam" and three words came to mind.....Pot. Kettle. Black.


But you know what? I am not so naive that I believe we can all co-habit the planet peacefully, exchanging recipes and braiding daisy chains. I realize that we have to be cautious...especially after 9/11.

However, I still believe this email is doing nothing but spreading some hate around. What do you think about this email? Eagerly awaiting your reply.






Thursday, June 15, 2006
OH, THE WIND AND THE RAIN

Brendalove@gmail.com

Thanks for the email buddy offers. I'm gonna take you up on it. Expect me in your inbox next Monday.

My grouchiness has reached epic proportions. Today just plain sucked. We got the remnants of good ol' Alberto the Tropical Menace and it was nothing but rain, rain, rain and a bit of wind to go along with it. You know, just enough wind to blow the rain slightly sideways so when you're walking into work the rain can blow in under your umbrella and basically render the umbrella useless. Then you feel slightly DAMP all day...then add in some world-class humidity and you've got a situation on your hands. I know the real reason women burned their bras in the 1960's....they must have been dealing with tropical storms and humidity. Pass the Bic lighter, please.

This morning I woke up face-down on the mattress of my bed and the clock is going "squonk squonk squonk" and I can hear that pouring rain outside. I peek one eye open and it doesn't feel good to have my eye open. Its times like that I would give anything for just a few more hours of sleep. I don't understand why I can't control the world.

Sparkle is sick with a virus, her throat is hurting pretty bad and she's going to have to go to the doctor tomorrow. I think I might have a touch of it....my throat feels tight and I just feel like checking out of life for a day or two. BUT NO, gotta keep going.

However, I have in my possession some Powerball numbers....what if I won? Then I really would CONTROL THE WORLD (like the cartoon characters say it)! Even a coupla hundred bucks would erase all of my self-centered trivial grouchiness and drive the point home of how lucky I am to be alive!!!!!! Winning money has a way of fixing a lot of things.

And finally....I am not convinced that Blogger is totally fixed. I click on blogs and I may or may not get on there...or I just don't get there in a timely manner.



Wednesday, June 14, 2006
EMAIL BUDDY

Brendalove@gmail.com

I think Sparkle is getting sick. She is complaining of a mild sore throat and some general malaise and fatigue. I'll be watching her pretty closely the next few days. I tend to go a little overboard when sickness strikes. Worry, worry worry.

My during the day email buddy has quit his job.....which means no more email buddy during the day. I might get more work done but its sure going to make the days go by slower. Email buddies are hard to find! Here are the qualifications:
1. Must work the general hours between 7:00 a.m. and 5:00 p.m. e.s.t. People from other time zones are okay.
2. Must understand that I don't have AIM at work and that I wouldn't use it even if I did. Talk about never getting anything done.
3. Must be able to discuss random topics...anything from today's news to what you ate for dinner last night.
4. Must understand that if you send an email and its an hour or so before it gets answered...that means something came up at work and I'll answer you ASAP. Some days 58 emails might be passed between us...and other days it might only be 3 or 4.
5. Must be able to type just a little more than "OK", "kewl" and "l8ter". However a dissertation is not preferable either.
6. Understands that I cannot cuss in my emails like I do in my blog
because I have work email paranoia. Understands what I mean when
I type words like d*mmit, sh*t, f*ck and p*rn. LOL!

I've had connection to the internets for like 11 or 12 years now and here are the main things I've learned:
- People mostly don't have much to say
- When they do have something to say, they usually say it poorly with
bad spelling.
- People mostly want to just forward emails that get you on Bill Gates'
list to send free money to....or the ones where if you don't forward
them then Jesus isn't going to love you anymore because you have no
time for him.
- the internets are basically a wasteland.

This post is going nowhere so I'll stop now.



Tuesday, June 13, 2006
BUSY BUSY BUSY

Brendalove@gmail.com

Today has been the busiest day I've had in awhile!

In the wee hours of the morning we had a thunderstorm with lot's o' lightning. The power blinked and knocked my alarm clock out. When I awaken I realize the light coming through my window is lightier than usual. So with a start and a major feeling of dread....I look over at the clock. SHIT! Instead of hitting the snooze forty times, I had to settle for only twenty! Ruined my whole morning.

So I went to work and I worked, worked, worked. At lunchtime I had lunch with my friend Stacy at El Rodeo, a nice Mexican restaurant that is about as authentic Mexican cuisine as you're going to get in these here parts. And it was really authentic today because there was a whole passel of Mexicans in there watching a soccer game on the Latin channel and screaming their heads off.

Then - back to work and I worked a whole bunch some more. On my break I gave out some Avon books. After that, I sneakily paid a couple of bills and got them sent off in the mail. Then I worked an hour of overtime.

Afterwards, I dashed across town for my first Avon meeting. For you people asking about the press-on nail color strips, they gave me a free sample tonight, so I'm gonna try 'em out. The concept is wonderful but....it seems like something that I could mess up very easily, being me and all.

Then I had to screech back to another side of town and pick up Sparkle, who informed me that Snakie needed a mouse. So then it was off to the pet store to snag Snakie some grub. There was no time for feeling guilty, people. I managed to get to the drugstore just before they closed, like 8 minutes away, and pick up some stuff I needed. The guy who had been trying to get a jump start on counting his register wasn't real pleased with me.

So then we rushed home and got Sparkle ready to go spend the night at Meghan's house. And finally, I am home. I'm tired just reading this entry. I'm going to bed....however I must inform you that only one mouse lost his life in the making of this blog entry. EWWWWWW!



Monday, June 12, 2006
AVON CALLING

Brendalove@gmail.com

I finally got so disgusted with Blogger last week that I just gave up. However, they seem to be back in functioning order now.

I gotta tell you something that's going to crack you up. I am now an Avon lady! No kidding, I'm selling Avon. But look, I work with a thousand rich ladies that love that stuff....I saw the Avon in action when I worked at Conglomo's other building. The stuff practically sells itself. Nobody else at my current building sells it. I can't lose. And if I do, you can be sure I'll be bitching to you all about it. Hell, if I make enough to pay for my gas each week, that'll be something! You just know I must have a lot of confidence if I undertake something so....un-rock and roll. And my friend that sells it at the other building was more than happy to help me get started. Together we shall rule Conglomo....in the make-up department, that is. So let me know if you need any Avon, okay?


School has officially ended for the summer and already Sparkle is wearing out the couch and the computer. She doesn't realize it but she's going to be getting a job of some sort real soon.

Can't wait to tell you about a special show. Was I there or wasn't I? Who knows....but there's some pictures that exist, I am just waiting to get my hands on them.

Later dudes.




Thursday, June 08, 2006
THURSDAY

Brendalove@gmail.com

No blog entry today. Did Blogger spring a leak or something? I couldn't get on at all last night and I couldn't comment on anyone else's blog. I'll try to have something special for you tomorrow.



Wednesday, June 07, 2006
RIP

Brendalove@gmail.com

Everyone will be happy to know that no goats or possums were harmed in the writing of yesterday's blog entry. However, I did listen to some Slayer....and liked it!

But the whole day was kind of a letdown, nothing evil happened at all. When I went walking in the evening, the sky was glorious and there was even a magnificent rainbow. I can't think of anything less satanic than a gorgeous rainbow.

I want to pay tribute to a great musician, Billy Preston. He was a really good piano player and it seemed like he was always in the credits on everybody's record when I was a kid. His most famous contributions were to Beatles and Rolling Stones records. RIP dude and thanks for the music.



Tuesday, June 06, 2006
HAPPY 666!

Brendalove@gmail.com

As some of you may remember, a couple of years ago my car had a sticker that Sparkle had put on the back window of a symbol that represents the rock band H.I.M. The symbol looks like this:


And you may remember that the rumor got started at work that I was a devil worshipper. To say I was a little miffed would be correct and I got so mad that the sticker stayed on the car till the car finally died. But since then, in total defiance, I have learned to embrace my inner demons and have even grown quite fond of the horny devils.


So today is 6-6-06, a day for celebration. I plan to crank up the Slayer on the iPod all day long. Maybe I should bring my vinyl copy of Dio's Holy Diver to decorate my cubicle? Or perhaps go very heavy on the black makeup today?


What I actually thought about doing was sacrificing a goat on the plaza at Conglomo. Goats have something to do with evil....what I don't know but I think goats are pretty cute actually. I can't think of anyone I know that has goats though. The best I am going to be able to do is offer up a sacrificial possum. Maybe I can gather some pine straw and start a fire also.


I gotta make this good. Its 6-6-06....a day like this will not come around for another millenium.....and by then, you and I both will be dust in the wind. Shoot, even our dust will have evaporated. It is possible that no one on the face of the earth right now will even be remembered. Damn. So we have to live it up! Celebrate your 6-6-06 in some special way, even if its just a few beers.



Monday, June 05, 2006
I'M BACK!

Brendalove@gmail.com

After taking a week off (sort of), I have returned to the internets. Actually I did some sneak reading and commenting on blogs during the week. So now I am back!!!

And.....I still don't have anything to write about.

Its like the brain has shut down. I'm more interested in getting outside and walking, trying to get stuff done and sipping coffee while watching "America's Next Top Model" reruns on VH1.

I decided my first topic could be, of all people, Jennifer Aniston. She finally had a decent movie opening this weekend, breaking her "box office poison" record. But the Hollywood gossip columns sure are giving her a hard time. They are all saying that she is trying to milk her break-up with Brad Pitt for attention and sympathy.

Most people in real life that I know curl their lips back and sneer when you bring the whole subject up. "Angelina Jolie - a homewrecker is all she is." And they totally sympathize with Jennifer.

After deep thinking (while watching "America's Next Top Model" reruns), I have decided that I do feel sorry for Jennifer Aniston. I mean, she was married to one of the hottest men in Hollywood. And he dumps her. I think I would be just a little depressed. And then he gets with a woman that.....let's face it.....is much more beautiful. That's a double whammy. Then there's the new baby and la la la la la la.....can't wait to watch all this drama play out.

But I think Jennifer Aniston got a good deal, she just doesn't realize it yet. Brad Pitt seems like he would be a.....um.....dickhead, to put it bluntly. Lot's o' ego.

So what do you think of the whole scandal? Come on, even if you could care less, you still have an opinion.