I would have ruled this world too, if it weren't for you meddling kids!
Monday, May 30, 2005


When I was a kid, I spent a lot of time at my grandparents house....some of you may remember when I wrote about practically living in a ditch behind their house playing amongst all the chemicals dumped in there by the factory up the road.

Well, every weekday afternoon at 3:00, a local TV station aired a show called "Dialing for Dollars". Basically what happened is that people from all over the viewing area were invited to mail in their name, address and telephone number. Every day at 3:00, "Dialing for Dollars" would show an old movie (always from the 1930's, 1940's or MAYBE 1950's if they were getting ultra-modern). They would announce the name of the movie only once at 3:00 and then start showing it. Towards the end of movie...about 5:00, they would draw a name and call that person up. If they called and you could tell them the name of the movie, then you would win.....some dollars, I guess. I don't remember exactly what the money amount you would win.

But anyway, my grandmother was totally convinced that one day, "Dialing for Dollars" would be calling her. And by god, she was going to be ready. We always had to stop playing in our chermical ditch and come inside and help her get the name of the movie written down in case "Dialing for Dollars" called. We couldn't watch any another channel and we couldn't make phone calls because you never knew.....that day just MIGHT be the day "Dialing for Dollars" called . So unless we went back outside to stew in the chemicals, we had to watch these old movies. At the time I hated it, because they seemed so hopelessly old-fashioned. I came of age in the era of color television.......black-and-white TV was unbelievably ancient to me. But I learned who a lot of the stars from back then were from enforced "Dialing for Dollars" viewing and now I find myself more interested in Hollywood's bygone days because of it.

And no, "Dialing for Dollars" never called my grandmother. Dammit. I sincerely hope there is "Dialing for Dollars" in heaven.

A few days ago I was at a friend's house who is on a different cable system than me, and they have a movie channel that is exclusively old movies from the 30's, 40's and 50's. I found myself watching some flick when I noticed a couple of people I recognized from those old days.

HEY! There's Officer Malloy from Adam-12!!!!!!

And whaddaya know, ol' Larry Tate from Bewitched was in the same movie!!!

But who in the heck was this cutie? I had never seen him before.

Turns out it was Tony Curtis. I had heard his name before, but I wasn't familiar with him at all. To me this picture, and the other ones I found, don't really do him justice. He was quite the handsome guy......for a black-and-white movie dude, that is. He's my latest Hollywood crush.

I came home and looked Tony Curtis up on the internet and found this site:
http://www.tonycurtisfan.com/ which is run by a Tony Curtis fan named Judy. Using the info from her site, I was able to determine that the name of the movie I saw was called "Sweet Smell of Success" from 1957. Maybe some of you reading this would remember it. I also found out that he was once married to Janet Leigh and that he is Jamie Lee Curtis' DAD! So how about that! And even more interesting, he is still alive. Here is a somewhat recent photo of Tony Curtis:

Photo Credit: www.tonycurtisfan.com

Believe it or not, the lady with him is his wife. Apparently this sexy guy still has it going on and isn't about to let something trivial like age stop him. You go, Tony.

Friday, May 27, 2005



Well, my town made the national news today! A CNN blurb that stayed up all day, even. And what did we manage to accomplish that was of note? Someone erected and burned a couple of crosses. Oh boy. Now the whole town is in turmoil.

The mayor stated he can't remember any cross burnings since he's been here...like 1968 or something. Well, he's wrong. Circa 1981, a handful of rowdy boys from my high school burned a cross at a football game where we were playing the "black" high school. It didn't take long for the police to track down who was responsible....of course the boys were running their mouths as fast as their brains could fart. I knew one of the guys from the neighborhood....he was just a rowdy teenager who thought he was really pulling a killer funny joke. After the police got done with him, he was so scared straight that he's actually involved in police work somehow these days.

Which I am sure what happened last night has a similar explanation. Its the end of school and ignorance is blossoming like fresh honeysuckle in the woods. It was done by kids who need a good slap in the face and a couple of teeth knocked out. There is no underground Klan sneaking through the back streets waiting to string up any black people that stray into their path. Just some doofy kids with bad acne and way too much time on their hands.

And damn, they made it pretty embaressing to live in Durham, NC today. On a national level. Other embaressing things:

This bumper sticker was spotted today:

This one kind of confused me:

Spotted everywhere I turn:

"Get 'er done!" God, it makes me want to throw up. Its not funny anymore. STOP IT.

Thursday, May 26, 2005


Judy at http://justaskjudy.blogspot.com/ told me I was being cynical when I posted my Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes dissertation the other day. I agreed with her. But this was before Tom appeared on the Oprah Winfrey show. I now challenge Judy to view these photos and tell me how I can NOT be cynical. Do you think this is a man in love or a man who's gone stark raving mad? (Photos from Defamer.com)

Tom comes out and is greeted by the host, Oprah Winfrey:

Apparently overcome by nervous tension, Tom turns on his host, Oprah Winfrey:

Tom celebrates his victory over Oprah:

"I am the Top Gun! I was born on the 4th of July"

"OOOOOh yeah, I forgot....I been going out with someone lately!"



Overcome by what he is saying, Tom relieves the tension by attacking the hostess again:

"TOM, if you don't get off me, I'm gonna fuck you up! BAD!"

"It's LOVE! It's the real thing! Any anybody who ain't down with that......I don't know WHAT I'm going to do!

"I know what I'll do! I'll SUE 'em! SUE 'EM, I said!"

"I'll PROVE its love! Yo, Katie, GET OUT HERE! I MEAN NOW!"

"You tell 'em Katie! It's LOVE! Its the REAL THING! AIN'T IT, KATIE? TELL 'EM!"

WE BELIEVE YOU TOM! CALM DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I get tired just looking at these photos. How come Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie aren't proclaiming their true love like this? Somehow I just can't see Brad Pitt abusing talk-show furniture by jumping up and down on it like an orangutang.

Monday, May 23, 2005


I promise to blog again soon. I havent been feeling so great.

Friday, May 20, 2005


People around the world have been torturing themselves, trying to analyze just WHY this is happening. Well the answer is easy. Gather around children, I shall reveal all.

Everyone already knows Tom Cruise is.................someone used to filing lawsuits (and he wins, too). Apparently Tom has some unshakable standards of what a Hollywood leading man should and shouldn't be, and is more than willing to structure his personal life to meet his public ideal. He needs a girl like Katie.

And what's in it for her? Well, obviously....highly desirable and "meaty" roles that someone with Tom Cruise's Hollywood star power can obtain for her. I bet you won't see Katie typecast into a "sweet young girl" role for a long, long time. In the near future, look for Katie to play a psycho, a murderess, a hooker, a woman masquerading as a man, a terminally ill patient, and a feisty single mom. All future performances, of course, will be big-name releases, eligible for Oscar nominations. No more indie Sundance roles for Katie. And when she finally gets her Oscar....and she WILL get one.....you will know she performed in the greatest role of her life to obtain it.

Thursday, May 19, 2005


I wrote a new song. This one is to be sung to the tune of Linda Ronstadt's "Heat Wave" (or you may remember the original by Martha and the Vandellas).

Whenever I log on
Something inside
Starts to burning
And I'm filled with desire
Could it be the devil in me
Or is this the way
Shopping's supposed to be

I'm on Ebay!
Burning up my wallet
Can't keep from buying
It's tearing me apart

Use the Pay Pal option please
To buy the Virgin Mary Grilled Cheese
Oooooh Ebay!

Wednesday, May 18, 2005


Today is that most dreaded of all days.....the birthday. And I am officially old. What does being old mean? Let us investigate further:

O = Oh my God!
L = Look at That!
D = Dat's de oldest woman I ever seen!!!!!!

Tuesday, May 17, 2005


Layne in happier days.

The other day I was listening to Launchcast at work and the song "Nutshell" by Alice in Chains came on and I just stopped working for a little bit to listen to Layne Staley sing. He was an absolutely phenomenal singer with probably one of the worst drug habits I've ever heard of. And now he's gone. You already knew it was going to happen and I was just sad when it finally did.

I was lucky enough to catch Alice in Chains live under the moon at Lollapalooza 1993. It was an awesome set and it seemed that Layne was in good shape at that time. He was funny when he said, "you people up front.........you suck. The people in the back are cool." There was the most insane mosh pit out on the lawn that I've ever witnessed live in person....and believe me, I kept my distance and just watched. The moshers kept churning in a circle, faster and faster, and every once in a while you'd see a body thrown up to the sky from the middle and land back in the middle of it. Somewhere out there now, all these years later, are grown middle-aged men who attended that concert that still need ibuprofen and percosets for aching bones. It was a jamming night.

But anyway, back to Layne Staley. I'm not going to go over the facts of his life...there's plenty of websites out there. One fact that many people do not know is that he had a longtime girlfriend that died of some kind of drug-use related illness sometime around 1994. Supposedly he was totally devastated. After that he got together with Mike McCready of Pearl Jam, Barrett Martin of the Screaming Trees, and Baker (now deceased) of the Walkabouts and made a CD under the group name "Mad Season".......which IMHO is in the top 10 of rock and roll CDs of the 1990's.

Do yourself a favor - go buy it. Now.

When you listen to the Mad Season songs in the context of Layne losing his life partner, its almost unbearable. Beautiful, sad, pitiful.

Layne at the MTV Unplugged performance

Alice in Chains did an MTV Unplugged performance in 1996....and to my knowledge that's the last time they ever played. I don't actually own that DVD but I've seen it a bunch of times. They start a song and Layne is way out of key....and he just says "SHIT!" in frustration and the band stops. You can hear Jerry Cantrell saying "Its okay, man." and the audience is cheering Layne on.

And after that, I think Layne just gave up. No more music. He locked himself in his house and did drugs till he died. I don't think he even tried to give up drugs. He chased away everyone who ever cared about him. He wasn't discovered dead until two weeks after he passed away. And there's really nothing else you can do but shake your head and wonder why.

And poor Jerry Cantrell can't seem to get a project going to save his life. A couple of solo albums that didn't really go anywhere, a couple of half-assed attempts to get bands together.....I don't really know what's up with that, because the talent is certainly there. Maybe its the curse of Layne....I sure can't see Jerry Cantrell without thinking of Layne.

Saturday, May 14, 2005


Tonight is Bitchard's senior prom. Sparkle was beyond sparkling tonight. I just wish my mom could have been here tonight to see her.

Usually my photography sucks, as you all already know.....but sometimes I have moments of greatness:

Outside shot:


Here is the back of her hair. The lady who did it is a hair artiste. There is AT LEAST 50 bobby pins in this hairdo.

Friday, May 13, 2005


Our main interstate highway, going from the mountains to the coast, is Interstate 40. Where it passes through the Raleigh/Durham area....it can be trafficly treacherous. I'm sure some of you in the big cities are like....OH MY GOD, North Carolina can't possibly have traffic like MY city...but its been my experience that traffic in the big cities I've been to are mostly traffic JAMS. Our Interstate 40 is packed with cars, all of them going 80 miles or more an hour. And folks. is. crazy. I swear, anything can happen out there and usually does.

So last week, a lady was going down Interstate 40. I guess she was suicidal....because while she's going down the road, she opens the door of her car and jumps out! Here's the story if you want to look at it:

Now, suicide is a terrible thing, but I have to admit being a little bit in awe....it was the perfect, no fail plan. Death by Interstate. Especially that particular Interstate. Except, ummmm.....she didn't die:

Now here she is facing charges. This is exactly how my luck would run. I would never try to commit suicide because no matter what I tried, I would be destined to fail.
Gunshot - It wouldn't kill me, I would just be disfigured for life and scare little kids.
Drug Overdose - It wouldn't kill me, I would miraculously survive but be in the shape Terri Shiavo was in. 15 years, laying in bed.
Jump from a tall building - I would probably bounce off the pavement and land on my feet, to the applause of all the spectators around me. Then I'd be arrested.
Hanging - The knot would malfunction and I would just sway lightly on the summer breeze until someone found me and helped me down.
Starvation - Everyone would comment on how good I'm looking.

So you see, there is no perfect way to commit suicide, especially if your luck is like mine. So just enjoy life and try to realize that somehow, some way, some day, things will get better.

Thursday, May 12, 2005


Some of my favorites right now.

Favorite band/CD of the moment:

Nine Inch Nails/"With Teeth"

What I am reading:

"Watership Down" - I never read it when I was a kid.

Movie of the Moment:

"Finding Neverland" - What? You expected a non-Johnny Depp movie?

Favorite Artiste of the Moment:

Camille Pissaro

Favorite TV anytime:

Fairly Oddparents - What? I work hard all day, I need laughs.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005


That is all.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005


Remember how I got my eye exam done last week and I mentioned that I got my retina imaged? Well lo and behold, for your viewing pleasure, my right eye:

What you have before you is a perfectly healthy near-sighted-as-hell eyeball. Where you see the bright yellow light is where my retina is. The black swishy things at the bottom are my eyelashes. Everything else is just squishy eyeball stuff. Attempts to steal my retinal identity will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

Also, it may just be me, but if you look closely, do you see the little man from Edvard Munch's "The Scream" imaged onto my eyeball?

Or maybe its just the Virgin Mary after all. Either way, I'm not putting my eyeball on the auction block.

Sunday, May 08, 2005


Things I've Realized:

1. My birthday is just around the bend. Nothing's going to stop it. Just like Christmas, its gonna come.
2. Being young is not all its cracked up to be. I was young and it wasn't so damned great.
3. Menopause can't get here fast enough for me.
4. If its possible to be 85 years old and still having PMS, that'll be me.
5. Going into the house, shutting the door, and never coming back out really isn't such a bad plan.
6. I am never going to understand how the wire goes into the Weedeater. I would do just as well to attack the ditch with a pair of scissors.
7. My neighbor is never going to stop standing at his door and staring. What in the hell does he think is going to happen?
8. Bills and taxes are never going to go away.
9. I will never be able to quit working. I will be 85 years old, still working, and still having PMS.

10. Most everyone in the entire world is insane....or either they are way too sane, thereby making me look crazy.
11. I love blogging about my hamsters.
12. Being asleep is better than being awake.
13. Good luck is for people that are already lucky.
14. Nothing has ever made me doubt my likes, dislikes and general coolness factor than being on the internet. I find something I like, the first thing I find is a million sites downing it.
15. People will do or say anything. Never be surprised.
16. Drugs and/or alcohol won't make it all go away.
17. I'm tired of making this list.

Friday, May 06, 2005


Yesterday was one of my favoritest things to do all year......my eye exam. Why? Because here is my doctor:

Dr. S. is nice, kind, patient and somewhat of a cutie to boot. He smells like fronds of hyacinth waving in the gentle summer breeze in a fragrant dew-kissed field, warmed by golden drops of sunshine. He is very concerned for my eyes and makes me feel concerned for my eyes.....which means I end up spending lots of money when I'm there because.....there's just something about him, I guess.
Yes, Dr. S......I DO want to use the new retinal imaging machine instead of getting my eyes dialated. No Dr. S.....I CAN'T read the bottom line of letters......but I'll keep trying simply because of the way you cheer me on.

It's really hard for me to stay focused in life sometimes.

Time just flew by and next thing you know, I have an order for new contacts AND new glasses, plus the happiness of having had my retina imaged even though its not covered by insurance. But it will be a pleasure to pay this bill off, while I anticipate next year. In the meantime, I have this great picture of Dr. S. (that I can't believe was on the internet!) to keep me happy till then.

Thursday, May 05, 2005


Sometimes you can overdose on the Internet. You realize the silly little sayings, abbreviations, and other electronic witticisms are starting to find their way into your real life. For instance, while I was book browsing:

When I first glanced at this, I thought the author was "Michael LMAO".

Maybe I should spend more time watering the grass or something.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005


I'm doing my quarterly cleaning out of the pictures file and as usual, I have stuff that I came across while surfing the web, saved it, and have never used it. I'm ready to dump them, so let's have a peek....

First of all is an unbearably cute heavy metal baby. So so cute, but what else can you say about it?:

Remember awhile back how Mount St. Helen's was rumbling like it might erupt again? I was saving this just in case:

I kept waiting and waiting but the right moment just never came to use this one:

This one....you just can't add anything thing more to it. Its perfect just as it is:

This one is perfect too:

This one was to be used for a moment of extreme self doubt:

If I were to take the following advice, I'd do nothing but run and scream all day long:

Everybody hates me, and I mean everybody:

Great, great picture.....but not a debate I care to get started on MY blog....there's other blogs for that:

Here is one I saved because I couldn't figure out just what the hell was going on:

And finally, boys and girls....a word to the wise.....don't cheat on your significant other. Its much easier to just break it off with them. Don't find out the hard way: