Wednesday, August 09, 2006
BUT YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME!
My dear Blogger friends, I have a most serious confession to make.
I've been cheating on you.
Yet I have seen the error of my ways and I come to you to make a clean breast of it all...to throw myself upon your mercy and to sincerely beg your forgiveness.
"But how?" you ask. "How did things go so wrong between us?"
Well, it all started about two weeks ago when Sparkle showed me the basics of.......Myspace. And like a young naive schoolgirl seduced by the lights and action of Hollywood, I was drawn into its evil clutches. But it didn't take long, people...it didn't take long. Like a crackhead who still has a small deposit of brain cells left....I realized I was heading down the Wrong Internet Path.
Oh it was fun at first. I trolled a bunch of band sites and asked to be their "friend". And they all accepted me as their "friend". The only one I've never heard back from is Neil Young, that grouchy asshole. Oh, I was going to have lots and lots of band friends!
And it would be easy to collect them like Garbage Pail Kid cards.....because you figure that if you surf one awesome band's Myspace that they are going to have all of their fellow awesome band peers listed and you can just go on one long surf. Well....these bands don't seem to have their fellow bands listed. Or maybe they do but they must be located on page 1102 of 13389 pages. Yet you start to notice the same people on every freaking band Myspace. There is the little red-haired girl with big oversize glasses. I finally asked her to be my friend because damn! She's obviously everybody else's friend and I didn't want to be left out.
Hell, she's probably your friend too!!!!
Then there is the girl called "Overzealous Hip Thruster" or something like that....she is on every single band Myspace ever invented apparently.
So I went to her Myspace expecting to click on some bands.....but I couldn't find the bands! Now how come she's on every bandMyspace ever invented but she doesn't have any bands listed? It was all just guys named "Long Dong" and girls that are kissing each other.
The only thing I truly enjoyed about Myspace was I found some fun Halloween sites. As for those band sites....bah. The bands don't run them anyway probably....and for all they care I'm just another face in a sea of millions of faces. Somehow I ended up with Shakira and Dee Snider as friends. I'm not quite sure how that happened. I ended up with two pages of some band pictures, a friend request from Kelly Clarkson (?!), and friend requests from a bunch of kinky looking girls....which I am guessing came from Overzealous Hip Thruster's site. Where are all the men? Weird-ass people ask to be your "friend"....and I'm like awwwwww, I could never cold-heartedly deny someone my FRIENDSHIP, especially when they asked to be my friend. The whole thing is just one big co-dependent cesspool.
I stand before you, chastized but wiser in having learned from my errors and with newfound respect for our relationship and for Blogger in general. Its just more fun.
Take me back, please!
Posted by firstname.lastname@example.org @ 12:03 PM