After all these months of waiting, I found out that Johnny Depp's "The Libertine" was actually showing in a theater here in town. Holy crapola! Well, you know I was dead on it....and wanting to see it right that very minute! And obviously no one else on the planet wants to see a movie on a Monday night.....so I went by my-own-damn-self!
I have read plenty of press releases about "The Libertine"...so I knew exactly what I was getting myself into. It really wasn't a big surprise when I waltzed into the theater directly after work and the only people there was a group of gay men. They looked at me and I looked back at them.... and there were no secrets in that theater. We were all there to show our love for the Depp. And it was so awesome. Johnny Depp was like, Mr. Super Hot Middle Ages Dude....and everybody wanted to do him....and he wanted to do everybody in return...and it was a big sex-a-palooza, with body parts everywhere and there was even a giant dildo burning in one scene. It was beautiful, wonderful and I loved every sordid minute.
That being said....I can't think of a single person I know that would have enjoyed this movie...besides me, that is. It's set in the 1600's, everyone is in pantaloons and stockings, and the most action is a really fast horse-drawn carriage. Well there was plenty of other action but you know what I mean. The plot was....not very important....and the main message of the movie was "Boy, a massive case of syphilis sure works real good to help you calm down your wild and crazy lifestyle!"
This movie was Johnny Depp's artsy-fartsiest flick yet and you really need to be a die-hard fan to love it. But tonight, in Durham NC, there is one happy woman and a handful of happy gay men who totally got their Johnny Depp fix. Amen.