I would have ruled this world too, if it weren't for you meddling kids!
Monday, October 09, 2006


Here is a rundown of how to get more hits to your blog. I feel qualified to compile this list now that I am now a "seasoned blogger" of two and a half years.

1. Open up a free photo account at Villagephotos.com.
2. Steal pictures that strike your fancy from all over the web and download them to Villagephotos.com. Make sure your account is labeled "public".
3. Put the pictures on your blog. Villagephotos is affliated with Google somehow or other and quite often your images will eventually become THE DEFINITIVE image.
4. Post an Angelina Jolie picture. Googlers in Denmark and the Netherlands will eat that right up. En masse.
5. Post a Captain Jack Sparrow picture. Apparently a totally routine picture of Captain Jack Sparrow that I posted awhile back (that you can find any-freaking-where) is THE DEFINITIVE Captain Jack Sparrow image in foreign editions of Google. I get an explosion of hits off that image....it is the damnedest thing I've ever seen.
6. Try to find a not-often-used picture of Layne Staley and post that. I still get an unbelievable load of hits off of that one, though it has dropped to page 2 of Google images lately.
7. Draw your very own image of Bad Luck Schleprock. Obviously there was world-wide need for a Bad Luck Schleprock image on Google Images. GO CHECK IT OUT!
8. Post about sex. You don't even have to really post about sex. Just kind of plant trigger words like "Johnny Depp wasn't wearing pantaloons and stockings like I thought he would in 'The Libertine'"......you wouldn't believe the hits that roll in for "stockings" and even the occasional "pantaloons". Try some edgy phrases like "hot booty" or "erectile sensation" and see what happens.
9. Post about hair curlers. I posted about my hair curler set 2 years ago and I still get hits for "hair curler fetish". Who knew this was even something that people thought about?
10. Change your name to Brenda Love and put it on your blog. You will get loads of hits for a Brenda Love who wrote "The Encyclopedia of Unusual Sex Practices". That wasn't me, okay? You will also get a load of hits from people looking for information about a television personality named Brenda Song.
11. Go to Perezhilton.com and post in the comments section and defend Lindsay Lohan's spoiled Hollywood brat behavior. I was just kidding, people! I DO NOT CONDONE LINDSAY LOHAN'S BEHAVIOR IN REAL LIFE!!!! Its amazing how many people wanted to find out what a freak that thinks Lindsay Lohan is just "misunderstood" could possibly have a blog about. I'm not making any promises, but this "misunderstood" strategy could possibly work with other brats like Paris Hilton, Nicole Ritchie, Tara Reid and Kate Moss also.
12. Post a picture of an Emo boy, or just discuss something Emo. That's a very popular subject nowadays!

Try some of these things and they are bound to work. As I have been complaining for months now, I don't have time to post many pictures any more and things aren't looking much better for the immediate future....but I am going back to posting pics soon. It is my only claim to fame!