I would have ruled this world too, if it weren't for you meddling kids!
Thursday, March 15, 2007


I was reading a blog post over at BIFF SPIFFY'S blog about teenage pranks and it was pretty funny. It got me to thinking about some of my teenage pranks.

Ya'll might remember when I posted about spray-painting John Bonham's (Led Zeppelin) "symbol" all over the road with my friends when he died. And then signing a contract with them....in blood....that when the other Led Zeppelin members die, we would do the same.....no matter how old we got. Yeah, I still worry about this. I hope they all die on weeknights so I can sneak down to the main road and get the job done without being arrested. Kids, never sign a contract in blood! It can cause a lot of moral dilemma when you're older and wiser.

Another thing we used to do sometimes at night was to drive by a local pond and coax a duck into the car with us. Then we'd head onto the busy strip and wait for the inevitable stoplight. All you had to do was put the window down just a little bit and everyone in the intersection would hear the duck raising hell. QUAAAAAACK! People would be looking at us and laughing, or looking at us like we were insane. The best part was looking back at THEM like THEY were insane. Yes, we have a duck in our car, and what of it? You mean you don't have one? To crack up laughing was not allowed until we left the intersection.

And yes, before you call PETA, we always returned the duck to the pond, safe and sound. You couldn't drive around too long with a loud-ass quacking duck in your car without your nerves falling to pieces anyway.

Another time, several of us got the grand idea to pick up one of those caution light thingies that they put at construction sites. They look like sawhorses and they have the yellow blinking light on them. So we're riding around with a big yellow blinking light in the backseat (this was back in the day of Ford LTDs). Those things are a hell of a lot brighter when they're in your car, believe me. And after awhile, of course, we spot a cop. QUICK! THROW SOMETHING OVER THAT LIGHT! One of my friends threw himself and his jacket over the yellow light. His whole body immediately lit up like a flashing Big Bird. There was no stopping that light. Yeah, I'm sure there was a battery in the thing, but no one is going to stop to figure it out when the cops are around.

I don't know how we got away without the cop seeing us. I seriously think he just ignored us. He was probably like "Do I really, really want to know?" and decided it wasn't worth his coffee break to find out. Cops back then were just cooler than they are now. So we got away. And as soon as we were out of sight, we were dumping that thing by the roadside. It didn't make it back to the construction site.

And finally, there was something about Stew and a goldfish. Stew, you are going to kill me but I can't remember the deal about the goldfish! All I remember is using my Microsoft Paint to put that woman's head that you like on the body of a goldfish. And I am sure that porn was involved somehow if Stew was involved. What was it about goldfish? Look, I even saved the picture!