I would have ruled this world too, if it weren't for you meddling kids!
Monday, March 19, 2007


December, 1971

After Christmas settled down that year, I went to my neighbor Bonita's house to check out what all she got for Christmas. I had gotten a doll for Christmas, but true to childhood form, I can't even remember what kind of doll it was. All I remember is HER doll.

She got a Chrissy doll.

Chrissy was a short-haired doll. When you grabbed a section of her hair and pulled, you could make her hair long! Like sooper dooper long! Everyone wanted a Chrissy doll, but Bonita actually got one.

"Oh my God!" I asked. "Can I hold her?" Bonita said "Well maybe for a minute," and handed me the Chrissy doll, in short-hair mode. "Can I make her hair grow?" I asked.
Bonita glared at me. "I GUESS so!"

I felt the proper place on top of Chrissy's head and pulled. Nothing. No long hair coming out.

"NO, you gotta do it like this!" Bonita grabbed the doll from me and YANKED Chrissy's hair long. OOOOOH, it needed some muscle behind it! She yanked again and Chrissy's long hair went screaming back into her head. Then she handed Chrissy back to me.

I grabbed Chrissy's hair and YANKED, and sure enough, here came the hair! I cannot tell you how glorious it felt to yank that doll's hair. If you ever had one of these dolls, you know what a gratuitous feeling it was. It wasn't a smooth yank, the hair was fighting you just a little bit. These dolls were extremely popular, mostly because they satisfied something very deep and primal in the soul of the female child. The urge that has been there since the dawn of time.....the urge to yank some bitch's hair out.