I would have ruled this world too, if it weren't for you meddling kids!
Thursday, November 23, 2006


I hope you are having, or have had, a wonderful Thanksgiving. I am cooking furiously, or at least I was, until a few minutes ago.

Phone rings, sister is on the line.

ME: Hey!
SISTER: *%#&*#! Don't worry about rushing to get here any $%&%$*&# time soon!
ME: (secretly relieved, I'd been rushing) What's wrong?
SISTER: We've had a %%*%$&* turkey fiasco!
ME: What happened?
SISTER: The %*#$&*# turkey somehow fell on its side in the *$#&$#*&$ bag! All the $*#$&#*$& juices dripped out into the oven. So we had to *$&#*# stop everything, clean the oven, and then figure out Plan B.
ME: Well, don't worry, it'll turn out okay. (I think about telling her I'd have never made it on time anyway, but as she really hates this aspect of my personality, I decide against it.)
ME: Look, if the turkey doesn't turn out right, we can just have a vegetarian Thanksgiving! And what's wrong with that?
SISTER: $*%$&*$&#$*&#($^#*%^ *click*

Halloween is never this stressful.