I would have ruled this world too, if it weren't for you meddling kids!
Wednesday, October 18, 2006


Ominous - 'รค-m&-n&s - adj -
: being or exhibiting an omen : PORTENTOUS; especially : foreboding or foreshadowing evil :

Have you ever realized that something you previously thought was just a routine, every day thing is suddenly ominous?

For me, it is acorns. Acorns appeared in a poem I wrote the other day, I kicked one and I drove over it. It gave a loud, satisfying craaaaaack as I did so, but now I fear the God of Acorns is exacting his revenge upon me, by messing with my mind.

All of a sudden the acorns are everywhere. I am trying to avoid them and I can't. Everywhere I drive, I'm hitting them left and right. My acorn death toll is rising. And when I'm not hitting them, they are falling on my car, thumping it loud enough to chip paint.

But the worst was today. I was the designated Lunch Gopher today. (Get it? Lunch Gopher? Go fer? Bwaahahahaaha!) So I go out to a local restaurant to pick up the lunch when I notice them.....there on the little traffic islands of grass they like to build in parking lots. Acorns. Lots of 'em. Big ones. Quite possibly the biggest ones I've ever seen.

And yet.....there were no trees these acorns could have fallen from.
*cue "Twilight Zone" music*

How did they get there? And why? And why do they keep multiplying? Why are they everywhere? And where are the squirrels that are supposed to be gathering them? What has gone wrong in the ecosystem? Why is this happening to me?