I would have ruled this world too, if it weren't for you meddling kids!
Friday, September 15, 2006



This one is for the guys....you've all been told that "no means no!" Yet your buddies will wink at you and tell you that "no really means yes". It can be confusing for a guy to sort all this conflicting information. This is why you should read blogs by people like me. ;-)

Let's say you have met a pretty girl and you decide that yes, I would love to nail this chick with my magic wang. You make your move and she gives you the Big NO. What does this mean? Are those public service commercials right or are you going to believe the advice of Dick Blemish who hangs down at the service station?

Never fear, Planet Brenda is here. Now let's get down to business. Fellas, I am sorry to inform you...."no" really does mean "no". However.....there are varying degrees of "no". It is up to you to recognize and identify them. Here are the 3 "No's" of dating:

1. NO!! - It is spoken in a loud, short "I mean business" tone of voice, usually accompanied by pushing you away and asking to be taken home. When you hear a "no" of this nature....I am telling you right now....you better back off right then or assault charges and sex offender registration is in your immediate future.
2. NooooooOooo - it is spoken in a drawn out, meaningful way, usually accompanied by a slap in the face. When you hear a "no" of this nature, the closest interpretation is "Sucka, you better get outta my grill cause I'm gettin' ready to Fuck. You. Up." Girls who use "no" in this way can usually kick your ass. So you're looking at possible hospitalization AND assault charges, just to add insult to injury.
3. Noooooooo-wah! - The "no" is drawn out with a barely discernable "wah" at the end, kind of like Metallica lyrics. The girl is usually holding you away from her but she's only slightly mad. What does this mean? It means "I am NOT going to have sex with you, but GAH! you're cute and stuff...if you'd take me out to dinner and maybe a movie and act like a man instead of an orangutang, I might would lay some on you!!!!"

So basically, "no" means "no" at all times. When you hear "No"...that means "no sex for you".....however, keep in mind that if you hear a "noooooo-wah" ....then there is hope for you later on, if you act like a gentleman.

And all the other girls just give in and have a date every single weekend.