I had someone question my honesty and/or integrity recently and it stung me to the bone. A few tears were shed in privacy.
I'm not above a little white lie....the kind you tell to be sociable or to spare someone's feelings. Examples: 1. "Why yes! I DO like Hootie and the Blowfish!" 2. "I DID watch American Idol last night for about 5 minutes! Then company showed up!" 3. "Sparkle, that tank top with the rib cage and bleeding heart is such a fashionably SMART choice!"
I only ever cheated twice in my life. One was on a typing test in 8th grade. How do you cheat on a typing test? Never mind. But let's just say it tore my nerves up so bad that I vowed never to cheat on a test again.
The other time I cheated.....I cheated on my boyfriend with my husband. Crazy, isn't it? But I was still married to him and it seemed like church-sanctioned cheating or something. But once again, I learned my lesson in sleepless nights and self-loathing.
So I always try to play it straight in all things in life, all the time, always. I feel better when I do. I want to be great because I am great, not because I lied, cheated and stole to become great. My word is all I have that is valuable and I try to conduct myself in a way where that attitude comes through.
But yeah, I had someone question my integrity. I can't really say what happened because this IS the internet....but it really hurt me. Fortunately, I was able to back up everything with hard documented evidence....and the "accuser" ended up looking quite a bit silly actually....but the damage is kind of done. Of course I will get over it and I'll never hate anybody....but I know there will always be a small part of me that will never be able to completely relax with this person again.
