I would have ruled this world too, if it weren't for you meddling kids!
Tuesday, August 15, 2006


Somehow or other, a hornet the size of a small penis has gotten into the house. I was on the couch when I heard a helicopter directly over my head. I looked up and there was a Japanese hornet flying nonchalantly by....rating an impressive 15 to 20 decibels. Oh God, how I hate them! They're huge and they're ugly and they're always ready to give you the red hot poker. And at least one always manages to find his way into the house during the summer.

You can't just grab a fly-swatter and smack them. If you're going to hit one, you would do best to use a baseball bat. I don't have a lot of faith in my batting abilities when it comes to a hornet. I always keep a can of Raid, the kind you have to go to Home Depot garden center for, the kind that can spurt like 2 yards away.....which allows me to spray the hornet and still have enough time to run and lock myself in the bathroom. I do this because those hornets are sturdy creatures....they'll be sprayed with Raid and they're still coming after your ass until their fighting spirit is finally felled by the poison. And that can take awhile.

So, there's one in the house. And I'm out of Raid. And Home Depot is closed up tight for the evening. So I'm trying something different this time. I've put some sugar water in the microwave and left the door open. Now I'm going to wait patiently.

I'm estimating about 20 seconds on "HIGH" should do the trick.