I would have ruled this world too, if it weren't for you meddling kids!
Friday, March 31, 2006


I want to tell you about Christina.

Now I'm not talking about my adorable young friend
CHRISTINA or even the wonderful CHRISTINE who reminds me of Posh Spice. In fact, who knows if the Christina of which I speak even has a blog? The Christina of which I speak is so mysterious that I don't even know who she is!

Yet.....I do know her. I know so much about her.

Christina owes money. A lot of money. To several banks. Apparently Christina can sign her name on a credit card receipt but has a difficult time with paying the bills. I don't know what all Christina bought with this credit card money.....maybe she bought clothes or cool stuff for her house or maybe she just got cash advances to make ends meet. This knowledge is not for me to know....only that Christina has made banks very angry and collection agencies very frustrated.

I also happen to know that Christina has a lot of cheerful friends who are of Italian descent. Apparently though....these Italians are not her closest friends. The significance of the Italians has not yet been revealed to me.

But the biggest secret of all......somewhere out there.....in this great United States.....lives a Christina who needs to report to the local sheriff's office today.....Friday evening by 7:00 p.m.....and preferably 6:30 p.m, due to paperwork. Why does Christina need to go to the sheriff's office? Because Christina is going to have to pull two nights in jail this weekend. I know this because Christina's parole officer TOLD me!

And just how did I find out all these details of Christina's life? By purchasing a cell phone last month and having the misfortune of getting Christina's old telephone number. Apparently she couldn't pay the telephone bill, either. You wouldn't believe some of the kooky conversations I've had this past month. And when I try to explain that Christina doesn't live at this cell phone anymore, they all get an "uh huh yeah" type attitude, like I am trying to cover for her. And then they start saying "Well if you talk to her tell her that....." and then they proceed to reveal alarming amounts of Christina's personal business!!!!!

I keep expecting a call to come in...."Hi, this is Christina, have there been any calls for me?"

Christina dear, wherever you are out there, please try to get your life together. Declare bankruptcy and start over....a good lawyer can help with all of this. Get a job, pay your bills and try to save just a little bit each paycheck. I truly hope you will report to the Sheriff's office this evening to pay your debt to society. Oh yeah, and those Italian people really seem to care about you. You should let them know how to stay in touch with you. And your parole officer, too.

Good luck!