I would have ruled this world too, if it weren't for you meddling kids!
Friday, November 18, 2005


All the Conglomo smokers that I know seem to have made it through their first non-smoking day without any nervous breakdowns. The way that most of them dealt with the situation was to leave the property boundaries and walk on the road and smoke. The road around the Conglomo building I'm currently working at is not TOO busy of a thoroughfare, so hopefully all of them will be safe. And not only that, they are walking, so at least they will be healthy smokers!

I just had to get on the telephone and call the building where I normally work to get the scoop on how Crazy Woman was dealing with the situation. I called my friend Stacy, who totally knows all the gossip at all times.
Stacy: "Well, Crazy's been really stressed today as usual."
Brenda: "Has she left her desk 3,000 times to go smoke?"
Stacy: "No, no...she came in this morning and she's on the Patch now!"
Brenda: [long pause] Do you suppose they make a Bitch Patch she could go on?"
Stacy: [hysterics]

I am going to patent this idea. The Bitch Patch. You just stick one on and it provides calming relief for chronic intractable bitchiness. Comes in 3 strengths: Hormonal Strength, Valium Strength, and Super-Heavy-Duty Morphine Strength. Bitches from around the globe are going to be throwing their money at me....and if they don't then their coworkers and significant others will be! I'm gonna make a KILLIN'!

P.S. I did a Google Search and found out the Bitch Patch is not an original idea. Damn! Back to the drawing board!