I would have ruled this world too, if it weren't for you meddling kids!
Tuesday, November 29, 2005


I hate my neighbors, the Nosys, for various reasons....all of them good reasons. Here's one of them.

I've always been jealous of the Nosys for their rose garden. 20 beautiful bushes packed with lush roses of every color of the rainbow, tender vegetation that's a feast for the eyes. They enjoy bragging on it....and I've always hated them for it. Its so beautiful, so perfect.....and I coveted a rose garden of my own.

So I dug up a patch of ground and put in 4 bushes......and let me tell you something, that was some HARD WORK. I dug the ground up, put in timbers to line the bed, and after I planted the bushes I laid down a thick layer of wood chips.

I had roses....for a little while. Not lush and picture perfect, but I had roses. Until they died. I kicked and cursed, but all 4 bushes died, slowly. I wasn't going through all that work again....I resigned myself to the fact that the Nosys were better rose gardeners than I could ever hope to be. And I hated myself for it.

Until I came home for lunch the other day and there was the Witherspoon Rose Culture people out there, winterizing the roses!!! You can contact these people and they come out there and INSTALL the freaking rose garden and maintain it for you!!!!


I can't believe I have wasted precious years of my life hating on a Witherspoon Rose Culture garden. That's like being pissed off because you can't have a White House Christmas Tree on your lawn or like McDonald's grouching about the steak house. These gardens are maintained by actual horticulturists that have absolutely no other use for their degrees, so of COURSE its going to be a hot rose garden!!!

I hate those Nosys for trying to perpetrate their Witherspoon rose garden like it is THEIR creation! And I'm heading over there one night next summer with the scissors too, dammit!