I would have ruled this world too, if it weren't for you meddling kids!
Friday, July 22, 2005


Ever since our little trip to the Natural Sciences Museum, I've been trying to brush up on my dinosaur knowledge. Well, it hasn't been easy because everything has changed. There used to be just the basic dinosaurs....the brontosaurus, the tyrannusaurus rex, the triceratops, the pterodactyl, and....yeah. Test was passed with minimal studying.

Nowadays there's 10 million different dinosaurs, and they all end in "saurus". Here's a minute sampling: acrocanthosaurus, alectrosaurus, gorgosaurus, lengosaurus, homeboysaurus and stinkyfartsaurus. Now how are we supposed to remember all these sauruses? There's more sauruses than there are stars in the sky.

But here's the worst:

The Brontosaurus is no longer the Brontosaurus. Say what? You heard me. They went and renamed the Brontosaurus. Now he's an Apatosaurus. WELL THAT JUST SUCKS. They take the most well-known dinosaur and rename his ass.....little kids and museum curators the world over are totally bummed. Just the word "bronto" made you think of long, arching necks, reaching up to the tops of the trees for tree snacks. And now they've taken that away, too. According to August 2005 issue of Discover magazine, Apatosaurus, who is still a Brontosaurus in my pathetic world and always will be, did not reach to the tops of trees for tree snacks. They carried themselves more like this:

I am not believing this shit. I mean, if they carried their necks forward and ate at neck level, then why the long neck? So they could get to the tasty hedge quicker than some other dinosaur? And it took scientists this long to figure it out? WHATEVA!

And since we're on the subject of reptiles:

I have become a bit more accepting of the Ball Python that resides in my house. I've had plenty of time for observation and to get to know Snakie better. And here's the deal:

When you actually see the snake and the snake is hanging around in the tank and active, he's hungry. Feed him a mouse and watch him go so sluggish he can barely hold his head up. He slithers off to his rock to hide and you don't see him anymore for at least a week or two. My strategy: keep that sucker well fed.

Bitchard has assured me that Ball Pythons do not get as large as Burmese Pythons, whose heads are about the size of an adult foot and their bodies.....

Jeez. Is my house even this big? If Snakie gets this big, I'm moving out. Sparkle can have the house. Or as Jeff Kay would say.... "Holy Crap in a Bundt Pan!"