I would have ruled this world too, if it weren't for you meddling kids!
Monday, July 18, 2005


Hi, I'm blogging, believe it or not.

Your questions: did Sparkle and Bitchard break up?
Answer: Yes, they did. Sparkle told me they had broken up when I got home from work one day. I asked her, "Well, what time did you break up?" And she was like "well, uh, around 2:30." and I said "Well, you'll be back together by 7:00"....and guess what, they were!

I think what's going on is that they have been together so long that they are just playing around with breaking up, just to see what it feels like.

So why haven't I been blogging? Well, why don't we make a guessing game of it? The following is a list of about 40 or so bad things that can happen to a person. Guess which of the following 9 things have actually happened to me within the past 9 days? No prizes given for this particular game. In fact, I may not even let you know if you win or not. Just please understand....things have not been good. In fact, things right now might be the hardest they'll ever be.

Car burglary
Anally probed by a Scientologist
Death of relative
House fire
Deforestation of your entire property
Suicide attempt
Car impounded by the State
Spider bite
Cussed out
Speeding ticket
Writers' block
Mad Cow Disease
Realizing a friend isn't a friend
Someone laying a guilt trip on you
Got your eyeballs popped out
Getting audited by the IRS
So lonely I thought I would die
Murder Charge
Chemical poisoning
Illegal Drug Charge
Twisting your arm till it snaps like a twig
Realizing you're going to need a second job.
Losing your contacts
Lost inheritance
Losing a 15 lb large mouth bass off of your hook
e coli poisoning
Illicit affair
Mistaken for a homeless person
Realizing something has got to change
Pulling away from the gas pump with the hose still in the tank
punching someone in the nose
Getting punched in the nose
Losing a pet
bad hair day

But no matter how bad things get, please know that you, my friends, I do love you. And I mean it. I hope you'll always be my friends.