I would have ruled this world too, if it weren't for you meddling kids!
Friday, June 17, 2005


I had to go get my driver's license renewed the other day. I was dreading it so bad. I was remembering back to my younger years, when we had to get our licenses renewed every four years. All I could picture was the very stern license examiners, how serious they were about driving laws and the fact that driving is a privilege, not a God-given right. Then North Carolina had a passing of the laws that licenses were going to be renewed every 5 years....but some people were going to be able to wait longer than that, depending on when you renewed before. So it turned out I didn't have to get my license renewed for like, 7 years!

Seven years is a long time. I was really feeling a lot of nervousness when I headed over to the Driver's License Bureau. There was no telling what kinds of laws had changed and rules that had taken effect in 7 years. I knew I had had a non-serious rear-end collision during the seven years time and I wasn't sure if I was going to have to retake the written test because of it. You can bet your ass I didn't study.

Well, I have no idea why I was worried. Things sure have changed, all right! The Drivers License Bureau is practically giving those bitches away. My examiner was busy practicing his second job as a comedian....oh, he was just full of witticisms. When I sat down at his table, instead of asking for my name, he asks me if I knew who I was. The guy was just full of snappy patter, he did everything but get up on the table and do a tap dance.

I did have to do a road sign identification test.....this guy was actually prompting me on the signs! He showed me one sign.....I knew what it was, I just needed a second to access the information from my brain, as usual. And he's saying "R-r-r-a-a-i....." and I'm like "Oh! Railroad warning!" and he's like "CORRECT!" I halfway expected to hear a little bell ringing and some applause, like a TV game show.

Next thing I knew, I was getting my picture taken. And then a valid North Carolina Driver's License magically appeared before me, mine to take home and keep. The Bureau used to be such a serious place.....what the hell happened in those 7 years I was gone? I think the Bureau has discovered the joys of Jesus Juice. Or something.