Friday, May 13, 2005
REASONS NOT TO ATTEMPT SUICIDE
Our main interstate highway, going from the mountains to the coast, is Interstate 40. Where it passes through the Raleigh/Durham area....it can be trafficly treacherous. I'm sure some of you in the big cities are like....OH MY GOD, North Carolina can't possibly have traffic like MY city...but its been my experience that traffic in the big cities I've been to are mostly traffic JAMS. Our Interstate 40 is packed with cars, all of them going 80 miles or more an hour. And folks. is. crazy. I swear, anything can happen out there and usually does.
So last week, a lady was going down Interstate 40. I guess she was suicidal....because while she's going down the road, she opens the door of her car and jumps out! Here's the story if you want to look at it:
Now, suicide is a terrible thing, but I have to admit being a little bit in awe....it was the perfect, no fail plan. Death by Interstate. Especially that particular Interstate. Except, ummmm.....she didn't die:
Now here she is facing charges. This is exactly how my luck would run. I would never try to commit suicide because no matter what I tried, I would be destined to fail.
Gunshot - It wouldn't kill me, I would just be disfigured for life and scare little kids.
Drug Overdose - It wouldn't kill me, I would miraculously survive but be in the shape Terri Shiavo was in. 15 years, laying in bed.
Jump from a tall building - I would probably bounce off the pavement and land on my feet, to the applause of all the spectators around me. Then I'd be arrested.
Hanging - The knot would malfunction and I would just sway lightly on the summer breeze until someone found me and helped me down.
Starvation - Everyone would comment on how good I'm looking.
So you see, there is no perfect way to commit suicide, especially if your luck is like mine. So just enjoy life and try to realize that somehow, some way, some day, things will get better.
Posted by email@example.com @ 9:54 AM