I would have ruled this world too, if it weren't for you meddling kids!
Tuesday, April 05, 2005


Way back in that Golden Age, year 2004
I had only been blogging two weeks or more
I decided to check out the button "Next Blog"
So I could see for myself what things others liked to log.

I discovered all kinds of strange blogs galore
One was called "Not A Shitty Blog Like Yours"
By a man who cursed up a mighty racket
And was obsessed with ho's, motorcycles and Viking hatchets.

Our first comments to each other really weren't very friendly
But we became blogger friends quite unintentionally
His sick sense of humor I couldn't resist
He was the craziest mo' fo' on MY Blogrolling list.

He would choose a random blog and move in for the kill
One of his first victims was a self-obsessed drama queen stripper who needed to chill
Well he took care of her and a few others along the way
Though they deserved it, I admit I was guilty of egging on the play

Then one day the Viking King disappeared out of the blue
I wasn't real worried because of the way he was glued
But then he was gone a long time and I did start to feel some dread
I was thinking my blog friend, due to his freaked out lifestyle, could very well be dead.

Then somehow his entire blog was deleted
I just knew he'd been in a fight and the Viking King had been defeated.
I put a yellow ribbon on the front of my blog
So if he saw it he would get in touch, the sorry dog

Then one day he was back, mean as ever and feisty as hell
He said he stole some internet pictures and they sent him to jail
I privately wondered why he would waste time with picture stealing
When his original artwork stirred up way more interest and feeling.

But I wasn't really worried about his paper and pen
I was just glad to see him back safe again
He set up another blog and though there were things I wondered about
I was just glad we had another chance to daily cuss each other out.

Suddenly he announces he's leaving for China and good-bye.
He was gone so fast I didn't get a chance to ask why
Almost immediately his blog was deleted again off the Blogger site
It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out something wasn't quite right.

And then my little site meter began to tell a funny tale
Government agencies were hitting my blog like pennies in a wishing well
That went on for a week or so; then it slacked off and died
But my curiousity was a thorn in my side.

Then I received some correspondence this past week
From a US government agent; the Viking King they do seek
Apparently he may be collaborating with many insurrective and dangerous Tibetan revolutionary forces
And is currently a suspect in several overseas insurgency/dissident rebel faction sources

It goes on to state Our Viking King is quite frankly an individual who should be regarded and considered as dangerous
(I guess because he cusses too much and he's too cantankerous?)
It ends with the request that if he were to make contact
I should squeal like a pig and turn him in, just like that.

All of this has weighed very heavy on my heart
Its starting to smell a big ol' stinky fart (sorry, I just had to rhyme that)
Is this possible this letter is the real thing?
Or is the Viking King having a good laugh and yanking my chain?

I have a lot of affection for my friends on the internet
If he's pulling my leg I'm going to wring his freaking neck!
But if this letter is true then this may very well be the end.

Viking King, I'm glad that we had a chance to be friends.