I would have ruled this world too, if it weren't for you meddling kids!
Tuesday, April 12, 2005


Time to get some filing done.

File this one under "TAXES" - I am getting a lot more back this year. Why? There doesn't seem to be any obvious answer. I'm not complaining, mind you, but I AM wondering if....when I go back next year.....it would be rude to ask for the swarthy balding guy to do my forms again rather than the permed -n- teased elderly lady?

File this one under "At One With Nature" - While sitting in traffic today, I watched a wasp land on the hood of my car and begin to walk around. I would usually have no problem with that....but as I was At One With Nature....I instantly knew what was on that wasp's mind. I immediately began rolling my window up. Sure enough, right as the light turned green, the wasp took flight and headed directly into my driver's side window. BOINK!

File under "Obsolete Phrases": Remember back in the days before push button car windows were the norm? Back then we had to "roll our window up." Nowadays you get only blank stares if you say that to someone. Oh....you mean....PUT the window up? Yeah, yeah. Except you are in the Ghetto Car....you will still need to "roll" the window up. You will need to exert a few muscles.

File under "Why, Why, WHY?".....cross-file under "Lessons Learned the Hard Way":

You are looking at a bottle of soft contacts cleaner solution. Not my usual brand, but it was recommended to me by my eye doctor. It all seemed harmless enough....until I cleaned my contacts with it and then my eyes almost burned out of their sockets. I have never felt such eye pain before. I finally got the contacts out and recovered for a few minutes....then I discovered the problem:

Oh silly me! I didn't read the label well enough! I should have known to NEVER put the soft contact cleaning and disinfecting solution IN MY EYES! Needless to say, I am back with my tried and true brand ("Renu") that I've never found it necessary to start a file on.

File this one under "Crabbiness": Everyone has been running around screaming about how beautiful the weather is. Beautiful! Beautiful! So here I am secretly loving the fact that the temperature is getting ready to drop and the rains are on their way. That ought to put a serious crunk in their positivity for a few days.

File under "Paranoid": Anyone else out there think this could possibly be the Viking King?

File Under "Quotes" - cross-file under "Reasons to Use Drugs":
"My mind rebels at stagnation. Give me problems, give me work, give me the most abstruse cryptogram or the most intricate analysis and I am in my proper atmosphere. I can dispense with artificial stimulants. But I abhor the dull routine of existence."
- Sherlock Holmes/ Sir Arthur Whatever His Name Was.
I can't help but notice, however, that Sherlocky didn't include raising teenagers in his list of beautiful things.

And finally, File under "Whoddathunkit?": Did you know that after the famous pirate Captain Kidd was executed in Britain, those fun-loving British encased his body in pine resin, bound him in leather straps, and hung his body from a gallows on the Thames River....for years? How many years was not specified....but we're talking about a body hanging around....so even ONE year would be quite grotesque.