I would have ruled this world too, if it weren't for you meddling kids!
Friday, April 15, 2005


I have reached the penis section of Richard Zacks' book "An Underground Education". Allow me to introduce you to the male codpiece.

Here is a modern day wanna-be that is modeling what looks like a section of brass ladel as his codpiece.

Men in the Middle Ages carried money, valuables, credit cards and car keys in little purses hanging from their belts, called a "cutpurse". Well, apparently someone decided their most valuable of valuables should be kept there instead....and a new fad was born. The codpiece became a most elegant fashion accesory, made of silk with ribbons, gold and jewels. (Perhaps this is how the phrase "The Family Jewels" was born?) In other words, it was a very good excuse for a man to really decorate that thing up, to get all the attention they could bring to it.

The guys couldn't just wear just any old codpiece the cat dragged in, though (there's a good joke there somewhere, but I'm feeling lazy). If you wore one that was too small, the women would snicker and giggle behind your back. I'm sure a few of the boys would, too. But if you tried to be a macho man and wear one that was ridiculously large, it pissed the women off. Because apparently even Middle Age women were saavy enough to realize you ain't living THAT large, Hercules. So your best bet was a codpiece that was "just this side of intriguing" in size. With maybe enough room for your lunch money, too.

Here's a Middle Ages guy with a codpiece that makes you go hmmmm......its not very ornamental, though, is it?

Today at work a man was dropping all his stuff in the elevator and cursed his pants pockets for not being deep enough to carry it all. So you know what solution popped into my mind immediately....and it was all I could do to stifle a laugh. ( I spend about 60% of my time stifling laughs and usually there is a very good reason that wouldn't hurt your feelings but its just too much trouble to explain it.)

Anyway, that got me to thinking about what if the codpiece came back in style? Men today would be decorating theirs with bells, whistles, neon flashing lights and a mini-ATM. And you can bet your buns they would not worry about such things as honesty in sizing. No, I think the codpiece is a fashion accesory best left in the past.

COMING TOMORROW - MORE PENIS! Well...kind of.....you'll see.....