I would have ruled this world too, if it weren't for you meddling kids!
Friday, March 04, 2005


No pictures today, just words.

I am really happy and I want to share it with you. Let me back up just a little bit to the beginning. I try not to blog too much about my health because I don't want to sound like some little old crone bitching about her aches and pains. So a lot of what I am about to share with you will probably come as a surprise to a few of you because there is a lot I've never told you. But I have mentioned in this blog before off and on that I do suffer a lot fatigue, a lot of colds (this year especially), some depression and just feeling generally run down a lot. I get frustrated with my energy level and its interfered with the amount of exercise I want to do, being the weight I want to be, achieving the things I want to achieve, etc. etc.

Over these past few weeks the situation has progressively gotten worse. It seems like all I really want to do is sleep, my time with Sparkle has not been as quality, my concentration has been bad, I feel like my work quality has suffered, my blog is sucking, the house is a freaking mess and I've been in a mental funk. The number one priority has been dealing with and functioning at a decent level at work because I've GOT to have a job above all else. I've tried everything I could think of to get myself perked up, even tried some desperate measures which I knew were stupid. Finally I went back to the doctor, put my foot down and he referred me to a neurologist over at UNC. I went for the appointment last week and the doctor they assigned me is a really nice lady. I told her what had been happening with me and that everyday has been a very difficult struggle for me. I told her that if there is truly nothing wrong with me, if its just depression or whatever, that I may as well just go ahead and kill myself because this is going to eventually wear me down enough that that would be the final outcome anyhow. That probably wasn't the smartest thing to say to a doctor, them's INVOLUNTARY COMMITMENT FOR OBSERVATION words right there Jim Bob, but its honestly how I felt and she was very understanding.

She recommended a sleep study to see if my brain is attaining all four levels of sleep. Apparently you can sleep your life away but if your brain isn't getting all your levels you will still have fatigue. She sent me to have a ton of blood samples and reassured me that she's not the kind of doctor who gives up easily, that she will try everything in her power to find a way to help me feel better.

This morning I opened the mailbox and there was a letter from her. She states that a person should have an iron level reading of at least 50 percent to achieve adequate rest. My iron level reading is 14. I am unbelievably anemic. She sent a prescription for some strong iron pills and I have to go into the hospital this coming Wednesday (the absolute earliest time they could get me in there) on an outpatient basis to have an iron IV drip for about 3 hours or so.

I feel relieved. I feel validated. I'm not just some fat ugly slovenly bitch who is good for nothing because she's so lazy. I'm not some psychotic depressed person who is too unmotivated to deal with the real world. There is a concrete problem and there is something that can be done about it! Wednesday cannot get here soon enough for me. The thought of waking up in the morning and actually wanting to get up and go, the thought of getting caught up with everything and not feeling like I'm going to pass out from doing it, the thought of getting regular exercise again and working on my self image....I'm totally stoked. Managing my life just like real people do! I am expecting drastic results from this IV therapy. With an iron reading that low...there's nowhere to go but up!

I realize, of course, that I should have concern for the REASON why my iron level is so low....I can't imagine why it would be that low because I eat meat and dark green vegetables and I take a multivitamin. There's definitely something going on there but at this point I DON'T CARE. Just let me get some balance back in my life and I will deal with the rest later.

Thanks for reading all of this. If any of you have experienced something like this or heard about somebody with something like this, by all means please share because I am very interested to find out all I can about this.