I would have ruled this world too, if it weren't for you meddling kids!
Wednesday, February 16, 2005


I am convinced that the whole entire world revolves around me. ME! How else do you explain this:
I just blogged about this four days ago. Its not like its the most commonly discussed topic in the world. I'm convinced CNN has people scoping my blog...and when they see what I'm blogging about, they instantly send a roving reporter out to cover the topic. They read that I was worried about cooking my own lobster, so the roving reporter goes out to find scientific PROOF to make me feel better.

Whaddya mean, "Delusions of Grandeur"? So I have delusions....it certainly makes me feel better about myself.

The guy that sits next to me at work, Elroy, has about 150 million women admirers, so you know he racked up on Valentine's Day. He got roses, teddy bears, all kinds of stuff. He hands me a small box of chocolates and asks me if I would like one, so I decided I'd get one. The first thing I noticed was that the box said "Just For Him" and looked all manly-fied. I opened it up and the first thing I noticed was that every piece in there looked like it would be "a good one". There were none of those uncertain looking candies that you always get when you get a "Just For Her" box of Valentine candy. You know the ones I'm talking about....a piece of candy that looks like it would be pretty good but you bite into it and orange coconut marmalade or some such shit is in it. You instantly spit it out and throw it away. I picked a candy from Elroy's "Just For Him" box, bit in....and it was heaven. It was chocolate situated upon another kind chocolate while the gooey chocolate part just added emphasis to the esquisite taste of the other chocolates.....covered with an attractive chocoloate coating. In fact, ALL the candy in his box were "the good ones." We checked.

Why do the women get boxes of chocolates with the orange coconut marmalade, or those squishy pink insides, or....the worst horror....the light green insides? Chocolate should not be mixed with anything that could remotely be mistaken for a vegetable. Then there's the coconut. There is good coconut....kind of creamy and truly a delicacy....and then there's the bad coconut which tastes like someone cut cardboard into tiny rectangles, flavored it....and you have to chew it for several minutes before your teeth can grind it up. How can we convince the candy companies?
WOMEN WANT CHOCOLATE. We want chocolate, caramel, malted milk, truffles, especially truffles, vanilla chocolate, fudge, dark chocolate, milk chocolate, and white chocolate!