I would have ruled this world too, if it weren't for you meddling kids!
Friday, February 18, 2005


Well, I've had the worst day in recent memory. I was so upset I felt like I was drowning, I gave a call out for some positive vibes and I thank everyone that sent some good vibes my way. I sure did need them. It helped me to think there were friends out there thinking of me. So what happened?

I was getting my stuff together to leave work on Wednesday afternoon when "Annie" asked me would I take some stuff to be mailed for her. I had errands I had to do and I was kind of surprised that she just asked me out of the blue like that but honestly, I don't mind helping folks out when I can and I consider Annie a good friend. So sure, I told her I would mail them off for her. She had 2 pieces of regular mail and 3 priority mail envelopes. I saw the regular mail and I was like "oh, I have some stamps" and I GAVE her those. She gave me $15.00 to handle the shipping costs of the priority mail. Cool. So I leave work and drive up the hill to the Pak Mail place, which is a privately-owned mail company. I give the guy the regular mail to send off and he weighs the priority mail and informs me its going to be $18.00. Well, whatever, no problem. I give him the $15.00, get out $3.00 of my own and made sure I got a receipt.

This morning when I got to work the first thing she asked me was if I got her stuff mailed off. I told her yes I did, that it was a little more than what she had given me and gave her the receipt. And she freaks out! There is NO WAY it cost that much, she said, I must have bought some other stuff of my own. HUH? No, I told her, I would never do something like that....all she needed to do was look at the receipt and she would see. Well there was NO WAY that was right, she was going to get on the phone and call them RIGHT NOW. I was upset by then and I told her OK, do that, get on the phone and call Pak Mail and verify it. She says "WHAT DO YOU MEAN, PAK MAIL? I ASKED YOU TO GO TO THE POST OFFICE!" I told her no, I didn't go to the post office, I went to the closest place to mail it because I HAD ERRANDS TO RUN AFTER WORK AND THINGS I NEEDED TO DO. Pak Mail had charged almost double what it would have been at the post office and she was beyond hot. I was very hurt over the way she was treating me and I couldn't believe she had the gall to even be mad in the first place. SHE asked ME to run an errand for her.....I wasn't going to go to the post office and stand in line for 30 minutes!!!!! Hell, I don't even go to the post office myself for ANYTHING. The thought of going to the real post office never even crossed my mind. I have always thought the world of Annie and I couldn't believe she was going off on me like that. Apparently my friendship didn't mean too much to her, though, if she was willing to throw it away over $3.00. Oh sure, we'll probably move beyond this and speak civilly again and I will forgive, but I can't ever forget it. Any exchanges we have from here on out will never be 100% sincere on my part. I mean, she practically accused me of stealing. Nothing can cause irreversible damage to a friendship like a good ol' thievery accusation.

So why didn't I just tell her to fuck off and go on about my self-righteous way? Because I was more upset than anything and already in mourning. When you get to be my age you begin to realize that good friends don't just grow on trees. Losing a friend just KILLS me now, I don't care whose fault it is or whatever. I've lost so many people and losing a friend....I'm one friend short from when I woke up this morning. Sometimes I think its worth it just to let people say anything they want to me and run all over me if they want to, just to keep the peace. Because when Brenda stands up for herself, Brenda is always the one who loses.

Imagine the world's most saddest and self-pitying music playing. WAAAAAAH.

Then when I get home I catch it from Sparkle. She's upset because I'm actually *gasp* setting some boundaries, enforcing a few rules and daring to act like most parents do. The nerve! Any other day it wouldn't be so bad because I realize she's just in spoiled brat mode and I would just laugh it off.....but tonight she says basically "[If I don't get my way], then I'm not going to love you anymore." I told her that if that was the way she felt, then she must not have ever loved me in the first place. Saying that got the waterworks cranked up and now I'm having trouble getting back under control. I keep busting into tears, getting okay, then busting into tears again. This whole day is shot. I just need to go to bed and start anew tomorrow.

One good thing did happen today, I got to meet one of my blog readers in person....but no way I'm going to tell about it in a post with so much negativity. I'll save it for tomorrow when I can present it in the way it should be presented. But until then, I hope the fleas of a thousand camels infest the armpits of your enemies.