I would have ruled this world too, if it weren't for you meddling kids!
Saturday, December 11, 2004
Bookstore Bonanza


Dear Lord, please help me. It is 7:00 p.m......I am sitting here dealing with the fact that over at Borders they are having a HUGE booksale. And today only I can show my company I.D. and get 20% more off. Must.....be.....strong......strong.....oh, SCREW IT! I'm going! Be back SOON!

HA! Just kidding. Its now only 10:00 p.m. on the same day and I'm back with my purchases. You just don't understand how dangerous this kind of thing is for me. I'm a such a sucker for anything to read.

Borders was in full-on bohemian mode...lots of hippies and professorly types lounging around and some dude on an acoustic guitar paying his dues in the cafe. The sale was totally awesome....I got a bunch of stuff at unbelievable prices....working for Conglomo does have its perks.

Guess who was staring at me the minute I walked in the door........

First she kept showing up every time I did an image search....then she wreaked major havoc on my blog....then I saw a charcoal drawing of her at the mall.....then Christina http://www.wherepigsfly.blogspot.com/ checks out one of her books at school, then she is on VH1 talking about the Grateful Freakin' Dead of all things, I saw her image on my grilled cheese sandwich, and then she's the first thing I see when I walk into Borders. I CAN'T FIGHT IT ANYMORE! It's my destiny to read a book by Ann Coulter. I bought it.

The next thing I saw was a Civil War coffee table book. Slam packed with photos. I swallowed hard. I leafed through it. I put it down. I even came back to it later. But I resisted. Can you believe it?

But then I saw this and I couldn't pass this one up.....

The entire history of art, illustrated, for $10.00 plus the 20% discount....oh yeah! Never mind that I already know the entire history of art....I don't know this particular version of it and I might miss out on something.

And there, in the art section.....a very attractive gentleman. You know, a hot guy! Our eyes met for a moment but then I remembered that if I am attracted to someone that they are either gay, a crackhead or an asshole (it might be time to add "mentally unstable" to the list)....so I moved on. I saw him one more time though, in the Science Fiction section. We certainly seemed to like the same subjects and he looked like someone who might get into Local H or someone like that too....in other words, he looked perfect for me. Which is why I got the heck away and picked this up instead:

How am I supposed to resist a science fiction book that labels itself to be about myth, music, magic, dreams and has a levitating woman on the front? I don't know if you can tell but even the rocks underneath her are levitating. Had to have it.

I totally avoided both the War and Religion sections....which is easy to skip because both are so large and imposing. I do have panic attacks to consider and I can't shop all night. I also avoided the true crime and forensics section this time, though that's one of my favorites. Then I got to the Science section....holy shit. I closed my eyes tight and walked right past Earth Sciences, I walked right past anything to do with planets, rocks, dinosaurs, trees, oceans, animals, space, lava....I just passed it right on by. You would have been proud. But then this caught my eye.........

I started rationalizing like crazy....you know, I was seriously thinking about taking that weather class in January....and the tuition is $60.00....why spend that when I can spend $12.95 plus the 20% discount ( I just love adding that in) and teach it all to my own damn self? I might miss out on the chance to meet a handsome weather-lovin' guy....but then he'd just be gay, a crackhead, an asshole or mentally unstable anyway, now wouldn't he? I bought the book.

I didn't browse the music books....I've read most of them anyway. I did notice Alicia Keys had a biography out now, though. I bet that's a great read. "I was born, took a shitload of piano lessons, made a CD, everybody bought it and now here I am!" Plus lots of pictures. Whatever.

Finally I made it around to the supernatural section. Oh Lord. I saw an Edgar Cayce book but I passed on it when I realized that it was about his life and not the readings. Then I saw them....books...cheap.....ghosts. You know what happened, no need to even explain it.

Then I saw the calendar section....hiking trails! Owls! Turtles! Japanese Art! The moon! Mary Kate and Ashley! I already HAVE two calendars, I don't need another calendar. I ripped myself away only to stumble upon this:

That's like combining the History Channel, medicine, science and tragedy all in one action-packed book! And if that weren't enough, seeing this totally sold me:

"Disappointment is my daily bread. I thrive on it." It sounds like this guy may have been the Very First Goth. I can't wait to find out more!

So that's it. A whole lot of books for not a whole lot of money at all. This should keep me held over until June or July. Merry Christmas to me!