I would have ruled this world too, if it weren't for you meddling kids!
Saturday, November 27, 2004
Nerdy Girl

BConklin1@nc.rr.com


TV Watching Season has been narrowed down to a couple of channels. For some reason, I just don't have any patience with the sit-coms and the reality TV. I JUST DON'T CARE. I don't care about Desperate Housewives or the O.C., though the gang at the office has told me I SHOULD care, over and over again.

All I care about this year is real stuff. Not Reality, but real stuff. I can't seem to expand my horizons beyond the History Channel, the National Geographic Channel, the Discovery Channel, and of course, my Beloved Court TV. There's the occasional excursions to Cartoon Network and Nickoldeon to catch up on my cherished cartoons. And of course we in this household must watch Viva La Bam on MTV on Sunday nights.
- now there's a dose of reality for ya.

I realize this TV schedule is bordering on nerdism. But I don't care! A lot of these channels carry old newsreels and stuff....it reminds me of watching films in school. The Savior of The Tired Teacher....those old school films were good stuff and we watched a shitload of them. It was the 1970's and we were still catching instructional films from the 50's and 60's. I bet the Holocaust films WE watched were 10 times worse than anything that they show kids now. I can remember whenever it was time to study the Holocaust, there would be kids leaving class and fainting in the hallways. Those films etched an everlasting imprint of horror on this girl's mind. Whenever I see kids today idealizing or glorifying Hitler, it makes me want to chain them in a room with those old 1950's films for about a week.
- I left this pic small on purpose.

The drug ones were pretty bad too. Does anybody out there remember one where there was this black guy that was addicted to heroin and they were filming his withdrawal? The bathroom scene....whew! I can't help but think maybe he was being filmed against his will or without his knowledge. I just can't imagine someone signing off on permission to show that footage to the world. More fainting in the hallways during drug study time. I know one thing....this girl has never touched heroin or been in the presence of it to my knowledge.
- dear God.

The health and home economics ones were okay...but the H.E. ones were hideously old. Its like they had a one-time only budget for H.E. movies...they made them, and that was the end of that. I can still remember seeing women that looked like Beaver Cleaver's mother, doing their home-making thing. They would be in bright full-skirted dresses with fresh-permed hair, full face of make-up, vacuuming the floors with their little heel shoes on. They were never, ever without a smile. They baked cookies, they sewed, they budgeted, they never washed "whites" with "coloreds" (even the laundry seemed racial back then). I can remember these movies informing me that a woman is never truly happy unless she pleases her husband in whatever way he sees fit. For a strong-willed girl who could out-think most of the guys in the class, this was a bitter pill to swallow. Thank God I was able to go home and watch Cher pussy-whip Sonny into submission, or I might have ended up with mental problems or something!




But the best of all were the science films. There were bombs, loads and loads of bombs. There were exploding bursts off of the sun. Flowers sprouted and bloomed before your very eyes thanks to the cutting edge technology of time lapse filming. There were failed attempts to fly, microbes growing in petri dishes, sections of ice glaciers falling away, lab rats in exercise wheels, and in-depth explorations of alleuvial fans and fossil remains. There were shitloads of beakers, chemicals, bunsen burners and lab coats. All of the scientists were these egg-head Art Garfunkel-looking guys...there were NO hot scientists. There were no women scientists either, except for Jane Goodall and her chimps.


This would eventually prompt some young woman to question why she had to take science anyway, since there weren't any women scientists. This would result in the "You can do anything if you study hard and put your mind to it" speech. Yes, even though you were a woman it was possible your dreams could come true if you were the very best of the best. I once had a Social Studies teacher tell me, TELL ME, OUT LOUD AND IN PERSON that he predicted that I would become a housewife....and I was furious! Can you imagine what would have happened if he said that to some girl THIS day and time? A news blurb on CNN and a court case, probably. A big old monetary settlement from the school system. You can't imagine how infuriated I was that this misogynist teacher would DARE to judge me and what I was capable of. God, my pulse is racing while typing this....I never got over that one. I could still kick his old-man ass now. I would out him right now on this very blog but his woman-hating ass still lives and breathes!



What was left unspoken is that you MIGHT become an achiever, but everyone would just figure you must be a lesbian, because you won't NEVER get a man going that route, honey. Hmmmph.

Does all this sound feminist? Yeah, I know. But still, these are the kinds of ideas I was exposed to. Maybe it was a Southern thang, but I was right in the middle of the Old School Girls and the Dawn of the New School Girls. There was always that unspoken (and SPOKEN) "you're not quite good enough," or "maybe, if you try HARDER," and then when I was old enough to understand..."depending on who you sleep with." Arrrrgh...I am not going to take this any further.
- And anyway, what does it matter? Nowadays girls have no problem with the concept that all they're good for is sex, and feel inferior if they aren't perceived as a sexual object above all else.
But to just end this....I do suffer from "If I Was Just A Little Bit Better" syndrome...and I'm sure a lot of other gals out there do, too.